Page 81 of Heart of a Rebel

He sees the girl who used to hide her purse in his room when he’d throw a party. He sees the girl he picked up from her mom’s house when shit went bad. He sees the girl who crashed in his guest room while we recorded an album.

He sees the girl who sat across the bar from him at twenty-one, writing in her notebook and probably looking out of place. He sees the girl who wasn’t yet affected by assault and fame. And in his eyes, I’d like to think somewhere deep she still exists.

A part I thought I buried in a secret place, but he managed to uncover.

The set continues and the sun starts dipping below the horizon, casting a warm sunset beside the stage. I tip my head back and close my eyes, listening to one band after another, making a playlist in my head.

Chatter comes from all around. Laughs, whispers, even sex somewhere in the distance if the moans are any indication.

I lose myself in the music on this warm summer night, until a shiver runs the full length of my spine.

“It’ll be okay.” A voice that sounds eerily familiar filters through the air. “He’s got this. Relax.”

Relax.

Foreign hands on me.

Relax.

Heavy body over me.

Relax.

Forcing himself inside me.

I shoot upright and my eyes fly open, jolting Sebastian as I jump up and look around.

Relax.

Even in my drugged state that night, I remember that voice. The man who took everything I didn’t know I had until it was gone.

“El.” Sebastian stands up with a worried look on his face.

I search the crowd, the faces. But they’re all a blur, just like he was in the dark. A monster in plain sight that I can’t recognize.

“El.” Sebastian grips my arm and turns me to face him. “What’s wrong?”

I fight it. I bury it. I beg the tears not to fall.

It’s no use as they start pouring.

“He’s here.”

29

Eloise

Adrian’sgriponmyhand tightens as a group of people passes by.

“I told you it’s okay.” I hold his arm and rub it up and down, trying to reassure him.

It’s forced, because it doesn’t even put me at ease, but I can’t help it. The man who’s haunted me for years is here, at the festival, and it’s causing havoc. But if I let it show it will only stress Adrian out more and won’t do anyone any good.

“It’s not,” Adrian’s voice is calm.

Too calm.

This is how he’s been since earlier when Sebastian told him what happened.

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