Page 35 of Heart of a Rebel

Maybe it’s that I’m used to being the reliable one in the band and now I’m not. After all, for six years I’ve been the center force of gravity while they spun in circles. First, it was women, then parties, then drugs. Slowly escalating until it reached a corrupt crescendo. And through it all, there I was, Eloise Kane, with my finger on the spinning wheel that was our family. I kept us steady. Never wavering for fear of the damage it could cause.

Only now, I’m slipping. As they fall into place, the uneven shards of myself are more evident. Pieces I’ve carefully tucked away start to peek through.

One wrong step.

One wrong move.

Everyone will see your truth.

The crowd screams, and I realize I’m drifting in my thoughts again. I look over and spot Rome lying on the stage, ripping into the song with his guitar. Sebastian stands nearby thrashing around, and every woman in here is entranced.

It takes all my effort to push aside whatever’s running rampant in my mind as I walk to the edge of the stage and pretend nothing else exists. I let myself soak in the throbbing pulse of the audience and bathe in the screams.

I let their love put me back together again.

In their eyes, I’m whole—even if it is a pipe dream.

The song cuts out and Sebastian flips off the audience, marking the end of tonight’s set.

Four more weeks until we wrap up our seventh tour, and I still can’t believe how we got this far. How the world hasn’t had its fill and spit us out yet.

Unwrapping my bass guitar from my body, I hold it up and paste a time-perfected smile on my face. Giving our fans one more taste of what they need before walking off the stage. Appreciating how up here I can be whatever it is they’re looking for in themselves.

Sebastian, Noah, and Rome have only ever seen a sea of women waiting to please them, but I’ve always had a different vision. Our fans might drool over the guys’ ridiculous abs and celebrity smiles, but that’s not why they come to our concerts.

They want the music.

They want our souls.

They want to dip their hearts in the lyrics and soak them up to see if they can feel wherever we drew them from.

Stepping off the stage, I’m overwhelmed with the inescapable weight that’s buried me for the past eight months. Ever since I stayed at Adrian’s house while we wrote our last album.

Ever since the first rose showed up on the doorstep.

“You guys were amazing,” Cassie says, throwing herself into Sebastian’s arms.

They’re so good together it’s a little ridiculous. I honestly never thought my brother would settle down, much less with a good girl like Cassie. But something about her pink hair and sweet-as-sugar personality lured him, and I’ve never seen him so happy.

He pulls back and brushes her hair out of her face. “Thanks, babe.”

My stomach tugs from somewhere deep, and I wonder when that started. Being single for years hasn’t bothered me. It’s easier. But as Sebastian hugs Cassie, and Merry wraps herself under Noah’s arm, I long for something I stopped thinking about a long time ago.

“We’ve got to be on the road in an hour,” Adrian says, coming up beside me.

I jump because I didn't see him there, and I hope he doesn’t notice. It’s irritating enough my body can’t kick the chemical reaction of being in his presence. I don’t need him aware of that fact.

“Seriously? An hour?” Rome sighs, probably disappointed there’s no time to hit up a bar or strip club before we shoot out to the next city.

“Seriously.” Adrian pulls his phone out and starts thumbing through it.

Rome stalks off, irritated.

Adrian’s mastered the art of not letting the band’s antics faze him. It’s the only reason he’s been able to handle managing us for all these years. That, and pretending he doesn’t feel whatever this unnerving tension is that exists between us.

Maybe he doesn’t. Maybe it’s all in my head. After all, I was the one who pushed him away and sealed the door shut, giving him the impression it didn’t faze me as it seemed to do him.

“Hold up,” Adrian says, as Sebastian and Noah start to follow Rome. “You guys remember the camera crew starts rolling tomorrow, right?”

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