Page 69 of Heart of a Rebel

But screw everyone else, I’m wearing this for me.

“Loving the red.” Cassie bumps my shoulder on my other side, and I can’t help but smile at her.

Merry, Cassie, and I walk into the ballroom and are immediately surrounded by suits. Every so often the record label puts on these circus shows and forces us to attend. They say it’s for a good cause, and while I know it is, I also know they’re not here for that. They want the validation their generosity shines on them.

Especially since the band currently has a camera crew following us around, watching our every move. The label doesn’t really care about victims of assault. They care about the optics, and how our being here makes us look good, and in turn them.

If it weren’t for the fact that it’s my charity headlining tonight, I might have skipped it. But even if I know most people are here for the wrong reasons, I’m not.

With my first big paycheck, I started the Lilac foundation, and have continued to pour a portion of any profits made into it ever since. I might have not been able to help myself after the assault, but I could help others.

“I hate these things,” Merry groans.

Cassie shrugs. “At least it’s for a good cause.”

Merry rolls her eyes, and I can’t help but shake my head and laugh because I agree with her. I’m all for the portion of this that’s about helping people, but tonight is only happening so everyone can pat each other on the back about it.

“You got your speech ready?” Merry asks.

I nod. “Ready as ever.”

Hopefully, they don’t sense my nerves through those three words. I might be on stage in front of thousands of people on a regular basis, but that’s with the guys at my side. Tonight, I’ll be up there alone. And no matter how many stadiums I’ve graced, my confidence always falters in moments like this.

On an empty stage, rock princess Eloise Kane is replaced with the same girl who messed up her speeches in school and refused to join the debate team.

“There she is.” Sebastian’s eyes land on Cassie the moment he spots us making our way through the crowd. His arm is around her as soon as she’s within reach.

Merry slides up to Noah, who skims her black lace dress once before giving her a kiss that’s borderline inappropriate for this setting. Rome is occupied talking to a couple of actresses in the corner, so it’s just me standing there between two couples.

It’s cute… I’m happy for them… but I’m also really jealous all of a sudden.

If I thought it was hard enough to watch these four go at it a week ago, something about the secret Adrian and I have been keeping makes it harder. Because for the first time in my life, I want that. To feel part of something more than just the band. I want a relationship that’s for me.

Just as the thought crosses my mind, a figure walking through a far doorway draws my attention. As if he’s been manifested from my thoughts, Adrian struts into the room in a tux.

He wasn’t going to attend tonight, since he avoids events like this anytime he can. But there he is, at the far edge of the room looking so delicious I can’t help imagining peeling every layer off him later.

If I thought years of celibacy were difficult, I’ve learned there’s something worse—knowing what Adrian’s body feels like inside me, and not being able to claim it at any given second.

Adrian’s eyes find mine from across the room and they skim me head to toe in appreciation. But when his gaze meets mine again, more than lust lives there. His mouth ticks in a smile that says something deeper.

Because although I know Adrian likes what he sees physically, his stare slices through to appreciate so much more. He’s in this for more.

Adrian heads in my direction and my insides start to ache.

To quake.

To shiver.

With every step, the intensity of his stare is stronger.

From beside me, I hear Sebastian say Adrian’s name in surprise since none of us expected him to be here, but the rest is white noise. Because my focus is on the man in front of me, looking nothing like the controlled version of himself I’m used to.

His pupils dilate and he’s wild. Feral. Reckless. A reflection of the layers peeled back within me.

I’m certain, if anyone is watching, it’s written all over my face. My desire for him mixed with my secrets. All I can do is hope they aren’t paying attention.

Adrian must sense it, because when he stops at the edge of the group and nods hello, he smirks before collecting himself and moving his gaze off me.

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