Page 31 of Heart of a Rebel

I think?

The room is spinning, and I can’t figure out if I’m imagining things.

I step forward again and my vision flickers as I try and find my way toward the bed. One foot in front of the other, until I feel the figure once more behind me.

I reach for thin air and find nothing; my limbs aren’t working and I can barely stand. Maybe I’m not, because I feel like I’m floating, and someone is carrying me. They’re setting me on a cloud.

Or, is that a bed?

“Relax.” I hear foreign whispers in my ear as I start to fade out. “Relax.”

But I don’t recognize the voice or what they’re doing to me, just that I’m dreaming and awake at the same time, and I’m being plucked like petals from a flower as unfamiliar hands peel my clothes off.

“Relax,” the whispers come again.

Then nothing but a flower in my vision of darkness. It curls with the absence of sunshine and caves in on itself. It withers like it senses what my insides are doing. It dies with my pain. It shrivels in the cold empty space and with each petal, a piece of myself falls away.

Slowly, it sheds itself.

Or is that me?

An unwelcome thrust tears me apart and all I feel is pain, so deep it stabs my soul.

This can’t be happening right? I must be dreaming. This is a nightmare that’s all too real. Except, like the withered flower in my vision, I feel the cold emptiness of this moment. I’m stripped of beauty, robbed of purity, reaching my roots deeper to see if there’s anything left.

I hide in a dark corner of my brain until the pain stops and the weight holding me down finally releases. But when I try to look up and meet the face of whoever did this, the room is foggy, and my eyes can’t make out the figure in the shadows.

I almost think I was right the first time. This is a figment of my imagination. But then the phantom comes close again and reaches in to rip the chain from around my neck.

11

Adrian

Sebastiantosseshisbaginto the car, then leans against it with his arms crossed over his chest. “Has anyone else noticed that El’s been way the fuck off lately?”

I was beginning to think I was the only one seeing it. Clearly not.

“Something’s up,” Rome agrees, taking a final hit of his joint before putting it out. “She skipped our last practice, and El never skips practice.”

Sebastian nods, and there’s a worried pinch between his eyebrows.

Ever since we got back from LA a couple of weeks ago, Eloise has all but shut down. She disappeared for a few days immediately after, and when she finally resurfaced, she said she was just processing everything that was happening, insisting everything was fine.

Except, she didn’t seem fine.

I can’t help but think about that night outside her hotel room and wonder if my pushing her away was a mistake. It’s the last time she’s looked me in the eyes, and all I can figure is that I did something wrong, I just don’t know what it is.

She was drunk, and if she and I are going to work out whatever this is between us, it’s not going to be when she’s messed up in the head. If only I could get in the same room as her for five minutes and figure this shit out.

“Think something happened?” Sebastian looks at me.

I shrug. “No clue. Could it be stress, like she said?”

“Maybe. I mean El is a bit of a control freak.” Sebastian laughs.

I’d like to explain to him she’s only that way because she’s surrounded by the three of them, but I don’t.

“That’s putting it mildly.” Rome nods his head. “But you’re probably right. There’s a lot of shit going on right now. It’s a big change.”

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