Page 104 of Heart of a Rebel

One Month Later

SebastianandImightbe twins, but while I take after Mom physically, he doesn’t. Something that’s abundantly clear as he sits across the table from her. Any resemblance he and I have must be a blend of the two of our parents because while I have her same round cheeks, freckles, and midnight eyes, he has sharper features, accentuated by the scruff on his jaw.

I’ve always guessed Sebastian must resemble our father, but my mom was selfish and destroyed all evidence of his existence, so we’ll never know. Just because the man bailed on his own children doesn’t mean we didn’t deserve to at least know where we came from.

I take a breath and remind myself that I should just be happy with how far we’ve come. Mom’s been sober for a few years and there’s finally life returning to her hollow frame. But even with the roundness in her cheeks and the filled-out space beneath her eyes, there’s still a certain weariness that hasn’t completely faded. Dark circles under her eyes that even sleep doesn’t take away. Wrinkles etched on her face, more prominent than other women her age.

The effect of drugs lingering long after.

This might be her longest stretch of sobriety, and I can’t help hoping this is finally it—the time she’ll stay sober. She’s managed to hold a steady job for a couple of years now and hasn’t destroyed the house Sebastian and I bought her.

She’s good.

For now.

Sebastian is more cautiously optimistic, and I don’t blame him. I’m not sure the bridge between them is one that will ever fully rebuild, but his attending occasional family dinners is a start.

“So you’re giving up the band?” Mom looks at me.

The two of them still direct most conversation through me, treating me like their own personal telephone.

“Not giving it up, we’re just taking a break.” I set down my fork, already feeling overfull. “We’ve got enough on our plates with the new label.”

“That’s exciting.” Mom’s eyes dart between us.

Sebastian nods but doesn’t say anything.

“How are things with you and Adrian? That’s his name, right?”

“We’re good.” I smile, wishing I was back at home right now and not sitting here feeling like I’m building a relationship between strangers.

“And Cassie?” Mom looks at Sebastian.

Sebastian’s shoulders relax because Cassie’s name is one of the few things that can actually breathe joy into my brother regardless of the situation. “Good.”

His answer is clipped, but his face lights up.

“Just good?” I nudge him, trying to lighten the mood. “Sebastian’s going to pop the question any day now. But the jerk still won’t tell me his plan.”

“Really?” Mom sits up with excitement in her eyes. “That’s great, honey.”

Sebastian forces a smile like he hasn’t spent the past week talking non-stop about the fact that he’s going to propose.

“I’m gonna hit the head.” Sebastian excuses himself for the bathroom.

Mom’s gaze follows him the whole way, lips turned down.

“Sorry, Mom.” I reach my hand out and place it on hers. “He’ll warm up.”

She forces a smile and pats the back of my hand. “I don’t hold it against him.”

At least she’s not in denial about the long road ahead. During her final rehab stint, Sebastian joined me for a family counseling session and gave her a piece of his mind. After years of Mom pretending none of what she did had impacted us, she was finally forced to face the truth.

The tension in the room was thick, but it was finally all out there. And if I’ve learned anything, it’s that sometimes getting uncomfortable is necessary to get to the other side of it.

While Sebastian and Mom’s relationship is moving in the right direction, they aren’t at my level with her quite yet. I always was more forgiving when it came to her. She’s my mother, and I’d rather have a relationship with her than none at all.

It took me a year away from Fairfield to come to that conclusion. After we recorded our first album and completed the first tour, the band decided to settle down in Denver, but I took a trip back home first. She wasn’t clean yet, but it was the first brick in what eventually became a lot of things.

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