“Yes. But you borrowed the neighbor’s mower and mowed Mr. Fritz’s lawn to earn the money.” He doesn’t respond. I stare at him, hard. “That’s what you did.”
“That was my plan, but the old grump wouldn’t let me. Told me to get Mom medicated so she could work for a change, so we could stop living off the government. I stole the fifty bucks from his glovebox after he slammed the door on me.”
“You didn’t.”
“I did. And countless other things I would never tell you about. I’m not like you, A.” His eyes burn into mine. “I’m not good.”
“What are you saying? Of course, you are.”
“I’m different from you. I was just born with this darkness inside me. I don’t know how else to describe it. Sometimes, it comes out. I don’t see things as black-and-white, right and wrong. I made the best decision I could in the moment, whatever was going to propel us forward, get us out of that house.” He shakes his head. “I would have done anything to keep you from having to leave school and come back.”
“I’ve never seen this side of you before,” I say.
“What about when that kid wouldn’t leave you alone? The one that lived on the corner with the big dog tied to the chain. The guy that used to torment you on the way home every day?”
“Ugh. Brandon Sikes. He was awful.”
“He had four years and a good fifty pounds on me. I couldn’t kick his ass, but I had to stop him somehow.” He looks at me, waiting for me to put the pieces together.
Brandon used to run up and pull my hair, throw things at me as I walked by, threaten to let his dog off the chain. Then one day, he stopped. I saw him watching me from his porch, a cast on his right arm. He never messed with me again after that. I just figured during his recovery, he forgot about me.
“Beckett.” The cold creeps in again. I know I’m not going to like the answer to this question. “How did Brandon get that cast?”
“He biked home every day. Really fast. I think, so he could get home before you. One day, I skipped school. Hid in my room till Mom went to work. I got a broom handle. Waited in the bushes by his house. He came flying around the corner on Maple, just like he did every day, only that day, I held the broom handle out. Kid went flying. Splayed out on the concrete like a bug that hit the windshield.”
Oh my gosh…
“But you were just protecting me,” I say. I try to make excuses, to let him know I understand.
I’m not sure I do.
His eyes hold mine. “I liked it. It made me happy to see him lying there. No one fucks with my sister. The guy in the SUV found out the same thing.”
I think I’m going to be sick.
My little brother isn’t who I thought he was.
“See? We’re different. It’s easy to hide it from you,” he says. “You always had these doe eyes for me. I could do no wrong. And you’d moved out by my freshmen year in high school. That’s when guys start to figure out who they are, what path they’ll go down.”
“And I wasn’t there to help you choose,” I say.
He shakes his head. “It’s not like that. You weren’t there, so I didn’t have to hide who I was.”
“Wow. This is a lot.”
“Have some more wine,” he says. “I know it’s a lot. And I’m sorry. But there’s one truth in all these lies. What happened with me had nothing to do with Boss. You need to go back to him. Don’t hold any of this stuff against him.”
“He never told me that SUV was after you. He let me think it was something else, that he was still figuring it out. That’s the same as lying. He withheld the truth from me,” I say.
“Only because I asked him to. He gave me till the end of this week to tell you. That’s what tonight’s dinner was for. But now you know everything. It’s a lot to process, but you can do that at home. It’d be better if we go back.” He stands, grabbing my purse. “Let’s go.”
My brother’s not who I thought he was. Or maybe he is, and I just didn’t let myself see who he really was. I could use more time to think, but I’m already missing Boston.
“Okay.” I get up slowly, still stunned by the truth.
I look around as we leave. This apartment feels sad, lonely. I can’t believe I was ever happy here. And it’s not because G’s missing.
It’s just not… home anymore.