Page 93 of Close Her Eyes

“The last thing that Mett—Finn—said was, ‘Tell Amber I…’ He, uh, died before he could finish the sentence. But I think maybe he was trying to say, ‘Tell Amber I’m sorry.’”

Amber stared at her, unblinking. Then her eyes narrowed. Josie’s heart did a double tap. Poking a finger into Josie’s chest, she said, “Bullshit.”

Josie stumbled backward, feeling the place where Amber had touched her like a bruise. “What?”

“Finn would never say that.”

“What are you talking about?” Josie said.

“That’s what you would say.”

Josie rubbed at her chest, still feeling Amber’s finger punching into her sternum. “You’re right. That is what I would say.”

Amber reached forward and took Josie’s hand, holding it in both of hers. “But it’s not what Finn would have said, Josie.”

Amber’s hands were so warm. One of her palms pressed into Josie’s, against the very same place that Mettner’s hand had been while he died. Did Amber know? Had someone told her that Josie had held his hand?

Josie said, “How do you know that’s not what Finn would have said?”

“Because Finn had no regrets. That’s how he lived. How we both tried to live. He loved his job. He always knew the risks. We talked many times about the possibility of him dying. The odds seemed slim given that he was no longer on patrol, but we always knew it could happen.”

“You were okay with that?”

Amber laughed, squeezing Josie’s hand harder. “Of course not, but Josie, Finn loved his job so much, how could I begrudge him that? Especially when his job was what brought the two of us together, not once, but twice. Once when I started and twice when you solved my case. He was grateful to you, you know.”

Josie looked away, tears stinging the backs of her eyes.

Amber tugged at her hands. “You saved my life, Josie, and Finn gave me a life. I was alone before I met him. As alone as a person can be. Yes, I lost him just like I’ve lost everyone who mattered to me before him. You know what the difference is this time?”

Josie couldn’t speak, so she shook her head.

Amber’s grip tightened. “I have a family now. Finn gave me that. He gave me something I never had before, and it will last me the rest of my life. His parents, brothers, sisters-in-law, all his nieces and nephews. They’ve taken me in, Josie. Then there’s the team, Finn’s found family. You, Noah, Gretchen, the Chief. All of you. I just lost the love of my life, but Josie, for the first time in my life, I’m not alone.”

“You always have a seat at my table,” Josie rasped just before the tears came. She couldn’t stop them. They came hot and fast, and pretty soon she was hyperventilating. This was ugly-crying. Amber tried to pull her in for a hug, but Josie resisted, pushing her away. She didn’t want Amber to have to comfort her when she was suffering more than Josie.

But Amber was strong, and the more emotion that poured out of Josie, the weaker she felt.

Amber threw her arms around Josie, squeezing her in a bear hug. Her breath was hot against Josie’s ear. “I know what Finn was trying to say. ‘Tell Amber I love her.’”

FORTY-NINE

Josie moved through her home like she was seeing it for the first time. The well-used furniture. The dog toys strewn throughout. The place on the bottom of the back door where Trout had left marks after scratching to go outside so many times. The framed photos of loved ones in almost every room. Toys that Harris either kept at their house or had left there. The many drawings he’d made them pinned to the refrigerator. His sports schedule. The wall calendar on the side of the fridge filled with events, parties, and visits from family.

She sat in the silence of the kitchen, Trout snoozing at her feet, until Noah came home from work. Trout hopped up as soon as he heard the front door. Josie listened as his little nails clicked against the hardwood floor of the foyer. Noah baby-talked to him, assuring him in saccharine tones that he had missed him all day and that he was the very best boy. Trout made some high-pitched noises of agreement or gratitude—or both.

Noah said, “Where’s Mom?”

Trout gave a short bark and came barreling into the kitchen. Noah trailed behind him, his expression half smile and half concern when he saw her. That’s how it was now, with everyone, not just Noah. The concern behind the smile. Was she okay? Was she managing? Could she handle this?

Noah walked over and bent to kiss her, one warm palm snaking behind her neck.

She said, “I talked to Amber today.”

He froze. “How did that go?”

“Good, I think.”

“Want to talk about it?”

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