Page 125 of Begin Again, Part 1

He spent the first ten minutes updating his therapist on his two romantic evenings with Eden. He liked to sit up while they talked, but today he wanted to act like a real patient and get his money's worth.

He sprawled on the couch and gazed at her ceiling, noticing for the first time in two years that it was patterned—an elaborate yet calming design—and tonight, he liked staring at it as much as he enjoyed listening to the sound of Linda's monotone voice.

"So what happened to taking things slow and meeting up with Eden in non-intimate settings?" she asked. She wasn't taking as many notes today, but Liam wasn't worried because technically, this wasn't a scheduled therapy session, even though she'd surely bill him.

"We did take things slow. We talked, but it led to a fight, and then we made up. Eden had an orgasm, her first in two years, and she left me with another dreaded case of blue balls," Liam filled her in, turning his head to look at her.

"Too much info, Liam!"

"Linda, how is it too much info when I hired you to fix my dick?" He groaned, covering his face with his hands. "I don't know how much longer I can hold out."

"Well, you didn't hold out at all! You jumped her the first chance you got!"

"I'm sensing a lot of disapproval right now," Liam scoffed as he sat up, crossing his arms over his chest, his whole demeanour oozing indignation. "I followed your suggestions and put myself out there. I'm trying to show Eden I'm worth her time. What is the issue?"

Linda opened her notebook and jotted down her thoughts. "I'm worried you are rushing things with her."

"I waited two years for her. How am I rushing things?" Liam argued. She, of all people, knew his struggles. She should be happy for him, proud even that he was making progress and trying his best to overcome his fear of intimacy.

"You went through a lot in those two years," Linda said, unfazed by his outburst. "Eden also went through a lot. She brought a human being into the world."

"What's your point?" Liam asked irritably. He hated long-winded explanations. They were time-wasters.

"The point is, you are not the same people you were two years ago," Linda said patiently. "You met under extraordinary circumstances back then, shared an immensely intimate moment, but you had no foundation for something so intense."

"We'll build a foundation."

Linda nodded. "You want to, but does she? Does Eden want to build a foundation with you?"

Liam didn't like her questions at all. They made him uncomfortable. Maybe because he wasn't sure about Eden's headspace. There were times she seemed happy to be with him, moments she was deliriously elated, like tonight, when they made love. But then there were also times she seemed so sad, and no matter what he tried to say or do, he couldn't reach her. Then there was still the issue with the lawyer.

"Liam?" Linda tapped her chin thoughtfully with her index finger.

"She said she wants me," he smiled sadly, rubbing his suddenly clammy palms on his jeans, aware he wasn't answering the question.

Linda drummed her fingers on the notepad and said, "'want' has a different meaning for everyone."

Liam knew that. He wanted Eden's body. But she wanted his heart and was adamant she wouldn't give in to him unless he handed it over. He was terrified of giving her so much power. She already owned his body. Giving her his heart would be suicide. He couldn't, wouldn't give her so much control over him.

"How do you feel about her?"

He fidgeted in his seat and laced his hands together, not liking Linda's line of questioning. He came here to talk about his amazing dinner dates. He didn't want to talk about feelings.

"Torn," he admitted.

"How so?"

"When I'm with Eden, I feel alive, invigorated, and insanely happy. The idea of losing her, of never seeing her again, terrifies the shit out of me. I want to open my heart to her. But—" Liam paused and stared at the clock on the wall, silently wondering if the ticking sound was always this loud, or if it was just today, and only because Linda's silence was as deafening as the roar of his erratic pulse every time he tried to confront his feelings for Eden.

He took a long breath and released it before he carried on. "But at the same time, I'm still so angry and resentful that she left me broken, and my life hasn't been the same since that night. But I can't tell her this, the same way I can't keep bashing her heart to pieces over it. Somehow I have to figure out a way to be okay with everything, and I'm hoping our sessions with you will help us work through our issues."

Linda nodded, but didn't say anything for some time, and he carried on staring at the ticking clock, realising again how much the sound made him uncomfortable. It made him think of a countdown to the end of the delirious joy he had felt over the past two days. He was never a superstitious person, but tonight, especially since hearing the sound, he couldn't help but think something was bound to go wrong. It was only a matter of time before Eden, and his newfound happiness slipped through his fingers.

Liam coughed and played with the Milanese Loop strap of his Apple Watch. Linda barely stirred in her seat, and he was starting to think she'd nodded off to sleep when she added to his uneasiness with her question.

"How does she feel about you?"

"I don't know," he replied, and at that moment, he realised there was a lot he didn't know about Eden.

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