Page 61 of Appointing

“Yes,” Elin replied, wiping tears from her cheeks. “And I know you and Dad wanted me to find some man to settle down with and have children, because that’s what the monarchy needs right now – stability and a solid line – but, Mom, I’ve never wanted to be with any man. Right now, I can’t breathe because I don’t think I’ll ever see her again. She has no reason to come here now. And it’s not as if I’d have any reason to– I can’t breathe, Mom.”

“Oh, sweetie,” her mom said before she pulled Elin into her and wrapped her arms around her. “Your father and I want you to be happy. We want that for all of our children. I know you didn’t plan on this life for yourself and that your father’s illness and your brother’s decision have rather forced you into this, but I don’t care whether you marry a man or a woman; or not at all.”

“You don’t?” Elin asked, looking up at her with tear-filled eyes.

“Honey, I love you. I want you to be with someone who loves you and makes you happy. If that’s a woman, that’s fine with me. Idowant grandchildren, and I know you don’t think you’ll have them. I don’t know that I fully understand why, but you’ve made that clear.”

“Mom, I–”

“No, you don’t have to explain it anymore. I won’t ever understand, Elin. I have you. I have your brother and your sisters. I can’t imagine a life without the four of you. That’s why it’s so hard for me. I don’t know how you couldn’t want that. But I respect that you don’t. It’s your life. Your father does, too. Right now, he’s just trying to do what’s best for the country, and he thinks that’s finding someone for you so you can fall in love and change your mind about children because it makes things less complicated, but you don’t have to do anything you don’t want. You’re Queen now, Elin. You outrank both your father and me. If you want us to stop with the recommendations and parties – you just have to say so. If you want us to switch from bachelors to bachelorettes – you can tell us that, too.” She gave her a kind smile.

“Mom,” Elin said, laughing a little.

“Well, should we?”

“No, I don’t want Dad to know yet. Is that okay? I’ll tell him in my own time. I wasn’t planning on breaking down and telling you right now. I thought I’d tell you soon, but not like this.”

“Because Ingrid is leaving?”

“I know she doesn’t feel the same way about me, but I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do without her. Since she started working with Mari, I’ve seen her less and less, and that was hard enough. Now, she won’t be here at all. And it’s not like I can just run into her at the coffee shop; I might never see her again.”

“Honey, have you ever told her how you feel?”

“What? No. Why would I do that?”

“Because you just broke down on the floor at the prospect of never seeing her again. That’s a pretty big deal, Elin. You told me you couldn’t breathe, sweetheart.” Her mom wiped a stray hair from her face. “You need to tell her.”

“Why? What’s the point? I already feel rejected professionally. She’ll just reject me personally, and I’ll feel even worse.”

“Ask yourself what’s really worse, Elin. Is it that you tell Ingrid how you feel, and she says she doesn’t feel the same way, but, at least, you know? Or, is it that you don’t, and you never know?”

“Are those my only two options?” Elin asked.

“I’m afraid so, baby,” her mom told her, kissing the top of her head.

“I guess it would be better to at least know.”

“I agree.”

“Mom, you really don’t have a problem with me being gay?”

“I think part of me knew.”

“What? Really?” Elin asked, surprised.

“I don’t know howbigof a part, but you’ve never really dated, and you don’t seem interested in any man we’ve introduced you to.”

“I haven’t been,” Elin replied.

“And there was that girl when you were at that horseback riding program when you were sixteen.”

“Oh, Astrid.” Elin remembered.

“Yes, Astrid.” Her mother laughed lightly. “You brought her over to dinner once and would not stop talking about her for months. Then, suddenly, you stopped, and I wondered what had happened.”

“Astrid got a boyfriend,” Elin explained.

“I see,” her mom said. “Well, I don’t think I had it all figured out until you just told me, but I’m glad you did, Elin. I want to know all of my children. I’d give you anything in the world if I could. You know that, don’t you?”

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