Page 55 of That Touch

“Why now?” I repeat. “Why show up on my doorstep now?” I try to tamp down my anger. I meant what I said in the note: that I’d always love him, even if he didn’t choose us. But right now, I’m hurt and confused and I need an explanation. After several months of radio silence, why does he suddenly want to be involved in my life?

“Because I lo—I love you, Dolly. Because of the this, the letter.” He holds it up again, confusion still clearly marring his face. “I don’t understand. Why’d you say all this if you didn’t want me to show up? Why’d you give it to Paige to give to Milly?”

“What?” NowI’mconfused.

“Milly gave this to me. She was just in Texas with my dad. She came over and we talked for a while, and before she left, she almost forgot and said that Paige gave this to her to give to me. At first I thought it was from Paige, but when I opened it, I immediately saw the handwriting and knew it was yours.”

My shoulders, which have gathered up by my ears, drop as I realize what happened. “So you just now got that letter?” I ask to confirm.

“Yes,” he says in exasperation. “What’s going on? You did write this to me, right? You intended for me to read it?”

I nod. “Yes. Come in, and I’ll explain.”

We sit down on the couch, and I’m still in shock that he’s sitting here. I truly thought he had made his decision—that he wanted nothing to do with me or his baby.

“The night of your going-away party, I found out I was pregnant. I had a feeling I was the day before. It was the same feeling I had when I found out I was pregnant years ago. I think I threw up my birth control pill when I had that food poising after brunch with the girls. Anyway, I took the test to confirm, and I knew you deserved to know. I wanted you to know, but I was scared I was ruining your life. You were leaving for Texas, and I couldn’t handle the face-to-face disappointment or rejection, so I chickened out. I wrote that letter, but I’d wanted to tell you all of those things for so long, so I just figured that was the time to do it. I drove over to your house to put it on your porch since I knew you were at your parents’ place, but when I was about to leave, Paige pulled in.”

“Oh, fuck.” He leans forward, resting his face in his hands as he realizes how things must have played out.

“She was there to surprise you, I guess. Anyway, I left that letter on your porch that night, and it seems she must have taken it. I don’t know why, and I have no idea why she’d hold on to it for more than three months before asking your sister to give it to you.” Then it hits me. “Ohhh, were you two hooking up again and you broke her heart?”

“What?” He lifts his head. “No, fuck no. I haven’t touched her since before you and I ever—”

“Really?”

“You thought I was still hooking up with her when I was with you?” His eyebrows shoot upward.

“Not when we were together, no, but I guess when I saw her that night, I figured you must have been licking your wounds with her . . . or letting her lick your wounds.” I laugh. “Didn’t realize she had a key to your place.”

He shakes his head. “God, no. She surprised me all right. Honestly, I completely forgot I even gave her a key. It was stupid. I never had feelings for her, truthfully. That night, I told her I was in love with you, and that she was disrespectful, then I sent her home. End of story.”

“You told her you were in love with me?” I can’t hide the smile that takes over, those butterflies slowly coming back to life.

“Yes. Wait, did you think I’d read that letter months ago and chose not to be involved in our baby’s life? That I just ignored everything you wrote me?” I can see the hurt on his face, but I won’t lie to him.

“Yes,” I hang my head, “I didn’t want to believe it. I’d tried to tell myself that you were just working through it—that you needed time—but as the days went on, I was slowly trying to accept that there was a good chance it was all too much for you.”

“Oh, sweetheart, I could never—Iwouldnever—abandon you or our child. I hate that my insecurity got the best of me, and I did run out on you to Texas, but I mean it when I say I thought I was doing the right thing. When I read your confession—your words telling me that you had felt the same way as me all these years—it made me realize that we could do this together. Maybe it makes me a selfish asshole, but it made me feel not so alone in my feelings, like they were valid. Before I even got to the end of the letter, where you revealed you were pregnant, I’d made up my mind that I was done running . . . that I was coming home to you.”

I can feel tears threatening to fall, and my lip quivers as I exhale a shaky breath. “I can’t tell you how good it feels to know that, and to also know that Paige stole my letter and you hadn’t read it. I’d wondered if you’d rekindled things with her after us. I didn’t know if she was down there with you, and I just kept telling myself that it was none of my business if that was the case.”

He slides off the couch onto his knees in front of me, his hands coming to rest on my waist as he pulls me to the edge of the couch. “I promise you can ask me a million questions about Paige or anyone else from my past. I have nothing to hide from you, baby. I’ll tell you anything you want to know, but right now, tell me about our baby.” He practically whispers the words as he leans forward, planting a kiss on my belly before looking up at me. “Are we really having a baby?”

“Yes.” I nod my head, big tears gathering in my eyes and slowly tumbling down my cheeks.

We hold each other for several minutes, neither of us saying anything. Finally, he rises up to his knees, his hand coming up to tangle in my hair as he pulls me forward until our lips meet. The kiss is soft but passionate, a million unsaid things hanging in the air.

“I’m never letting you go again, Dahlia Roxanne. You are the only woman I’ve ever loved. The only woman who’s had my heart. The only woman I want to spend my life—and haveeverwanted to spend my life—with.”

Our foreheads rest together as both of his hands cup my face.

“What about all the guilt? All the issues we had?” I know there’s so much we need to talk about and work through. Just because we both realize we want to be together—that we’ve created life together—doesn’t mean our problems have disappeared.

He pulls back, staring deep into my eyes. “Knowing you feel the same way is all I needed to hear. I’ve been a fool, Dolly. I knew we were meant to be together, but I let my insecurity and pride override the love I felt. I’ve been so scared to lose you, to hurt you, to disappoint you, that I did it all to myself. I broke your heart and ran away. Milly and Decker tried to get me to see it, but when I read your words, it was like it all clicked. I realized I would rather fail a hundred times with you than never have had you at all. The fact that you’re giving me the ultimate gift of being a father . . .” He shakes his head, his chin quivering as he pulls me back in for a hug.

“You’re excited?” I ask, needing to hear the words.

“I am beyond excited, baby. I feel like I’m living in a dream, like it’s not real. I don’t think it’s fully hit me yet. But I do know I’m done running. I’m done fighting my feelings for you. I’m scared to death, but there’s no one I’d rather do this with than you. I know that you loved Dean and he loved you more than anything. I hope I can give you even half of the love he gave you.”

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