Page 42 of All Her Feelings

“What was that?”Synora asked as soon as the door behind them shut.

Her papa and mama didn’t offer for them to stay at their house, and honestly, Holly didn’t expect them to. She knew her papa would need the evening to calm down and then he would warm up a bit. Ilena showed them to a suite of rooms on the first floor with a connected living room, then left them with the promise dinner would be sent up soon. Outside, Luca’s head rested near the window, his golden eyes looking into the living room at Holly.

“What was what?” Holly asked, not sure what Synora meant.

“All of that.” Synora waved a hand toward the door. “When we first got here, I thought your aunt and uncle were your parents, based on their reactions to seeing you. Not the other way around.”

“Oh.” Holly shrugged. “My parents have never been very affectionate.”

Her mates exchanged looks, and Holly fought not to roll her eyes. They were all getting too good at that and excluding Holly from their meaning. Her inability to read them had never felt more frustrating in that moment.

“And the rest of his reaction?” Kieran asked, plopping down on the couch in the middle of his room.

“I told you he was difficult.” Holly perched on the arm of the couch next to him.

“Difficult is one thing. He was downright frigid,” Synora said, crossing her arms over her chest as if to ward off the chill her papa left behind.

“He just takes a bit to warm up,” Holly said. “He’s always been a bit… I don’t know. I don’t know if Claire’s explained this, but after the Great War, everyone in the Realm was focused on how much power everyone else had. Maybe because they were scared of the war happening again and wanted to protect themselves, I don’t know. But some people, including my papa and some Councilmembers, believed that power was passed down through your lineage, so there was a focus on good matches.”

Her mates stared at her, blinking slowly as they took it all in. “Were you in a match?” Kallan almost spit out the last word.

“No, but my papa likely thought about it,” Holly said with a shrug. “So, you all are probably a shock to him. Just give him time. He’ll come around after he thinks about it a bit.”

“If you say so, little dove,” Kieran said, giving her a tentative smile.

“I know so,” Holly said. And she did. She had spent most of her childhood reading her parents and, well, everyone around her. She knew her papa just needed time. He would come around. Right?

“Anyways,” Holly said, changing the direction of her thoughts. “Why didn’t you share everything with Papa and Uncle Frederick?”

Kallan stared at her like she was stupid, and Holly frowned. “We can’t trust any magic user right now,” he said slowly, like that answered her question.

“Okay,” she said slowly in return, “but this isn’t just any magic user. This is my papa and uncle. My aunt and uncle fought at Claire’s side during the battle.”

“That’s great, but we still can’t trust them. The right-hand man has proved he’s smart, and at the end, looking like he was on Claire’s side would have been a smart move. Besides, even before the Great War, Brandlevine was a formidable coven. Your dad and uncle are powerful magic users. We would be naive to not suspect them.”

Holly’s brows furrowed. What? That was absurd. “I would have felt if they were evil growing up.”

“Your Empath magic is unreliable, as you still can’t use it without causing yourself pain,” Kallan said matter-of-factly, but it felt like he’d twisted a knife in Holly’s gut with his words. He didn’t believe in her abilities, and part of her knew he was right. She couldn’t do that yet. The pain made her mentally take a step back. Maybe she was overstepping her role. She had thought she’d found her place among her mates and they would welcome her ideas, but maybe she was wrong.

“Okay, fine. You’re right. It’s not my role to make those decisions. I’m sorry.” Holly took a physical and mental step back from the argument and shut her emotions down, sliding her mask back on. Something that was easier and easier to do the longer she was at home, apparently. Disengaging with her papa always worked. Not so with Kallan, it seemed.

“That’s not what I want either,” Kallan said, running his hands through his hair in a rare moment of visible frustration.

Despite her shutdown, tendrils of frustration and anger rose through Holly. “Then what do you want? You think my papa and uncle are suspects, I don’t. You don’t want to hear my side, so what is it you want?”

Kallan whirled away from her. “Of all the times for you to find your fight,” he mumbled, but Holly heard him clearly.

“There’s no pleasing you right now, is there,” Holly said, frustration coating her voice. She thought they had been making steps forward, but apparently not.

“Hey, let’s all just take a breath.” Kieran rose from the couch, trying to defuse the tension.

Holly turned away from Kallan, folding her arms over her chest. What good would a breath do? Kallan had made up his mind, and like everyone else in her life, had decided what role Holly played in it. It had never bothered her before, but now a wave of exhaustion swept over her. She felt done with the conversation and the evening.

“I’m going to go to bed,” she said, heading toward one of the doors. Part of her felt bad at leaving Kieran and Synora out there, but they also hadn’t stepped in for Holly either, which meant they agreed with Kallan. Holly didn’t know what else to say tonight, but if she stayed any longer, she was afraid she was going to say something she regretted.

Her statement was met with silence as she shut herself in the the bedroom. It was fine. She’d prove them wrong about her papa and uncle tomorrow.

CHAPTER20

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