Page 46 of Exquisite Temptation

Sebastian is the most forgiving person I have ever known. He has every right to be furious with me, but, knowing him, he won’t be mad at me for long.

He folds his arms across his chest, drawing his brows together in a reproachful frown. "Damn right, I’m angry with you. Friends don’t keep secrets like this from each other. But God knows, I have no right to take the high moral ground and preach after how I fucked up with Alexandra." Unfolding his arms, he rakes his fingers through his hair, drawing a deep breath. "We have been through thick and thin, so I accept your apology, but never do it again, or I’ll kick your sorry ass."

My body flops against the cushion as relief floods through me. "Thank you. Lesson learned. It will never happen again."

"Don't sweat it. We’re cool. But what I want to know is what possessed you to think that a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship would stop her from falling in with you?"

I scrub my hand over my face, heaviness weighing my muscles down. "I don’t know, Seb. Ever since I met her, my brain went on vacation…and it seems I can’t stop making dumb decisions. I thought if we stuck to the rules and boundaries, no one would get hurt, even though I knew the risks."

"If it makes it any easier. Same happened to me when I met Alexandra." His somber expression changes into a silly grin before sobering up again. "Are you going to fix this mess with my baby sister? It kills me inside watching her cry and pine for you, and there is nothing I can fucking do to take her pain away." He winces with sadness, expelling a long, heavy sigh.

"I’m in love with her, Seb." My shoulders collapse in a bowed heap, my heart aching with profound pain, regret, and guilt. Swallowing the lump wedged in my throat, I continue. "The love I felt for Amelia was comfortable and young. But the love I feel for Micaela is all-consuming…unconditional, possessive…and exuberant. I’ll do everything in my power to win her back, even if it's the last thing I do on this earth."

He scratches his jaw and gawks at me as if I’ve sprouted horns, snorting a laugh. "Who knew you could wax lyrical about love? There is hope for you yet. Joking aside, fix this. Go talk to her."

I nod in agreement, my pulse racing with a mixture of anxiety and excitement. "That is the plan. I was about to make coffee. Do you want one?"

"Sure, but I can’t stay long. I need to get back to the office." Hoisting myself up, I motion for him to follow me.

We spend the next half an hour catching up on stuff about the club, my dad’s progress, and his trip to Japan. After he leaves, I sit down, looking at photos of who I was before and who I am now. My wife had my full heart, but it's time to let it beat again. Despite my stomach being in knots, I know what I have to do and grab a few bits I'll need for later, then jump into my car. Before I can make things right, I’ll need to swing by the hospital to see my dad.

The astringent odor of antiseptic hand sanitizer and cleaning products sting my nostrils when I enter my father’s room. He rests in a semi-seated position with a blood pressure cuff around his right arm and various chest tubes. An array of get-well cards and flowers are dotted on the nightstand and window sill.

"Christopher, good to see you. Come sit." He points to the chair next to his bed, his voice sounding rough.

"How are you feeling, Dad?" Easing myself into the chair, I take in the dark circles under his eyes and sallow skin.

"I’ve been better, son. How are you?" His smile deepens the laugh lines at the corners of mouth.

Considering everything he has been through, he’s still hanging on, not giving up. The doctor told us he was lucky that he escaped with no lasting brain damage.

"I’m good, thank you, Dad." I smile back at him. Bobbing his head, his eyelids slide down for a moment before he opens them again.

"When you have a brush with death…and I came face to face with that bastard." He chuckles. "It made me aware of my mortality...laying here for hours with no distractions and nothing to do, I had plenty of time to re-evaluate my life, think about my mistakes…what is important to me and what isn't." He shakes his head, his chest rising and falling with labored breaths. "These Goddamn pain meds make me exhausted and sleepy."

"Maybe you should rest. I can come another day, Dad."

"No, never leave what you can do today for tomorrow because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed." He scrunches his forehead, lost in thought. "Your mother was the love of my life. After she died, part of me died with her. I’m sorry for not being the father you needed and deserved and for how my questionable decisions hurt you." A shadow crosses his face, his voice trembling with emotion. "This ticker might stop again at any time. I’d love to spend whatever time I’ve got left getting to know each other."

His unexpected sincere confession rips strips of my heart, squeezing the air from my lungs. Yet, I sit here, staring at him and wondering what he means by questionable decisions. Marrying a woman young enough to be his daughter? Being aware of what his predator wife was doing and doing nothing to protect me? The words dance on the tip of my tongue, but no sound comes out. But he is right. We can’t turn back time and undo what's been done. All we can do is let sleeping dogs lie and find a way to forgive, which means I’ll need to find a way to forgive my father by letting go of the past and creating a better future. We are all human, vulnerable, and imperfect. The mistakes we make help us learn valuable lessons and gain a better understanding of who we are. It seems the heart attack was the catalyst for change for my father.

"I’d like that very much, Dad." My voice comes out unsteady. He gives me a smile, tilting his head lazily to the side and fighting hard to keep his eyes open.

"Good…Before I forget…I’ve made you my sole beneficiary and executor of my will-" He stifles a yawn, barely keeping his eyes open. "It’s a first step…in taking accountability…for my past behavior."

I gawk at my father, my jaw literally falling on the floor. "What about Brianna?"

"Don’t worry-" His words slur as he drifts off to sleep.

This isn’t something I have ever expected to hear from him. I thought Brianna was the center of his universe and he would leave most of it to her. It just shows not everything is what it seems. Fuck, she will be livid. Getting up, I make a straight line for my car, my stomach sinking to my feet, knowing where I have to go and what I need to do. But I am determined to close this chapter of my life, even though everything feels surreal, as if I took a wrong turn and ended up in someone else’s life.

A faint ray of sunshine breaks through the tumultuous clouds when I arrive at the cemetery, as if the heavens are offering me a glimmer of hope. Lowering myself to the ground, I kneel beside Amelia’s grave. Sadness crushes through my chest, knocking the air out of me.As I allow my entire being to draw in a lungful of air, Rumi’s words about grief swirl through my mind, giving me the strength to say my last goodbye.

"Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life's search for love and wisdom."

I shift my gaze to her headstone, using her name to refocus and clear my mind.

"You were my first love. The person who taught me how to love, who gave me hope, and showed me how beautiful life can be. I’m thankful for the life we shared, and you will always have a special place in my heart. After you were gone, I swore off love, believing no one could or would take your place. But, against all odds, I found love again. You would have never wanted me to wallow in grief for as long as I did, so I kneel here at your resting place, releasing us both from the vows we made to each other and setting our souls free."

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