Page 5 of Exquisite Temptation

Thedarkblanketofstorm clouds writhe and swirl in Seattle’s horizon, casting shadows on the worn, faceless statues of winged angels and praying children. I listen to the crisp wind whistling through the grass and trees, breaking the eerie silence in the immaculate cemetery. One year ago, on this date, my life changed in a blink of an eye. One moment, I was preparing a romantic dinner, and the next, I was standing in a morgue, identifying my wife’s unrecognizable body. Her death scorched my soul to cinders, leaving nothing but a barren wasteland in its wake. I haven’t been here since her funeral. Her bones might be buried here, but her soul is gone. Coming here won't give me solace, nor will I find the peace I so desperately need. A throbbing ache builds at the back of my throat as my gaze lands on Amelia’s headstone photo. Despite my resolve, inexorably, memories ruffle through my mind like a wind on water.

"Woman in Chains"byTears for Fearsblares through the speakers as I light the red candles floating in glass holders decorated with flowers and pebbles.Perfect!The rich, earthy aroma of the roasted vegetables, turkey, and creamy mushroom sauce wafts in the kitchen, making my stomach grumble. Amelia will be home any moment now. Tonight we are celebrating our two-year wedding anniversary and the start of her second trimester. We have told no one yet that she is pregnant because she insisted it’s bad luck, and we should wait until we are absolutely sure everything is okay with the baby.

I wheel around, ready to go back to the kitchen, but the loud chime of the doorbell stops me in my tracks. Turning down the music, I make my way to open the door, and, when I do, my gaze collides with the eyes of two cops. A shiver of foreboding runs through me. I sway on my feet, my mouth going dry. Please, God, don't let it be Amelia. Heaviness settles in my chest, making my heart drop to my feet.

The tall cop with cropped salt and pepper hair clears his throat while his female colleague averts her gaze and stares at her colleague.

"Mr. Steele?" he mutters hastily.

"Yes, how may I help you?" I search his face for any clues, but he holds my gaze steadily, his blank expression giving nothing away. Dread slithers through my gut, alerting me he is here to deliver news that will alter my life forever.

"My name is Officer Shore, and this is my colleague, Officer Thompson. May we come in, sir?"

"What’s this about? Is it about my wife?" My voice comes out thick and unsteady.

Officer Shore's mouth curves downward into a frown before he replies, "We should talk inside, sir." The female cop gives me a small strained smile, clearly feeling uncomfortable, which confirms my suspicion. I don't have time for niceties. I need to know now.

"No, please, tell me, has something happened to my wife?" I demand impatiently. His gaze darts to his colleague as if he is asking for permission to talk. She nods silently.

Shifting his attention to me, he says, "Sir, I'm sorry to inform you that Mrs. Steele was involved in a car accident on E. Madison Street. She unfortunately did not survive the impact." Their faces shift in and out of focus as the world tilts on its axis.

Involuntary icy shivers creep up to my extremities and chest, freezing me to my spot and forcing me to stare at him in a catatonic stupor, unable to hear or comprehend anything. He continues talking, but his voice comes from a distance.

No! It’s impossible! She isn’t gone! It’s one of your nightmares. Come on, wake up Christopher, my mind screams. I open and close my eyes, but nothing happens. The cops are still standing at my door, and I hold on to the door for dear life as my knees threaten to give out.

"Sir, I'm so sorry for your loss–" He fumbles for the right words before continuing, "I know this is hard. Is there anyone we can call to come over?" Officer Shore’s nasal voice trickles through my consciousness. He steps forward and rests his hand on my shoulder.

"Sebastian…Laurian," I croak as darkness threatens to claim me.

A sharp, piercing chorus of bird calls wrenches me back. The memory of that fateful day makes my heart ache with unbearable pain. There are no words to describe the experience of losing your wife and unborn child. It’s like being stuck in an endless, all-encompassing silence with nothing to do but stare into the darkness, feeling utterly unable to pull myself out of it.

Damn it Amelia, why did you leave me? I'm completely lost, so lost without you. I miss you so much that it’s hard to breathe. It’s so fucking hard living without you.

The air in my lungs evaporates as I get sucked into an agonizing maelstrom of tempestuous emotions. Raising my head to the heavens, I clench my hands into fists.

"Why did you take them away from me? How could you be so cruel? You are supposed to be a loving and compassionate God!" I yell at the top of my voice, not giving a flying fuck whether anyone can hear me. "What have I done to deserve this horrible fate? Wasn’t it enough that you took my mother? I should have died with her. Did you let me live so you can take away every person I love and watch me suffer?"

A cold shiver spreads through me as more painful memories come crowding back like a hidden current.

I see my friends’ pictures as I walk behind Ms. Evans. She takes me to the nearly empty school reception area, and I sit next to Molly. It is just me, her, and a little boy who are still waiting for their parents to pick them up. My mama works in the hospital, saving people’s lives, so she is often late. When I grow up, I want to be a doctor like her. Molly tugs at my school uniform. I look at her. She holds out a bag of cheese crackers and gives me a smile. Her front two teeth are missing, just like mine. I grin back at her and stick my hand inside the bag.

"Christopher, your mother is here," Ms. Evans announces and hurries to open the door. My mother steps inside, her face lighting up even with dark circles under her eyes.

"Mamaa-" I run towards her, wrapping my arms around her waist. She hugs me tightly and kisses the top of my head.

"I'm so sorry I'm late, baby. Come on, let’s go," she says encouragingly.

"It’s ok, Mama, you are here now."

Before we leave, I wave goodbye to Ms. Evans and Molly. When we get inside the car, I open my backpack and take my drawing out.

"Look what I made for you in art class, Mama."

"Thank you, Chris. It’s beautiful. How about we get pizza on our way back?"

"Yay! Can I have pineapple on mine?" I clap excitedly.

"Sure, baby. Anything you want." She gives me a big smile.

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