Page 116 of Everything She Feared

Katie shrugged, her face registering unease.

“It’s what happened on the cliff,” Katie said.

“Why did you draw it?”

“I don’t know. I just did.”

“Why don’t you tell me exactly what’s happening in your picture.”

“We’re on the cliff and Anna goes to take her selfie. I tell her to be careful but she doesn’t listen to me. She keeps backing up and I’m reaching out, like, to save her—but—”

Dr. Mehta waits for Katie to finish.

“But I have these good and bad thoughts.” Katie stops, her face is blank.

“What are your thoughts?” Dr. Mehta asked. “What are your good and bad thoughts?”

“I want to help her, to save her. At the same time, I see her there, I—For like, a second, it’s a lightning flash in my head and—” Katie freezes with her mouth open, staring at the sketch. “No, I can’t even say what the bad thoughts are because then—then Anna’s gone, she falls.”

Katie blinks several times.

“And Anna’s screaming for me to help, with screams I still hear, and I’m like why, why is this happening? Why didn’t you listen to me? Why? Why was I thinking those thoughts—why, why, why?”

Dr. Mehta put her phone away and made a few quick notes.

“We’ve had a number of visits now, haven’t we, Katie?”

Katie nodded.

“Do you feel comfortable talking with me like this in private?”

“Uh-huh, I like it.”

“That’s good because there are a couple of new things I’d like to talk about today. Would that be okay?”

“Yes.”

“Katie, has anyone ever hurt you in any way that you haven’t told anyone about?”

She lifted her head from the giraffe. “Like punch me or call me names and stuff?”

“Stuff like that. Or anything else, like touch you in a way that you felt was wrong. Or made you do something that made you feel awkward, or uncomfortable. Has anything like that ever happened to you, with grown-ups, or kids, with relatives, or friends, or strangers?”

Katie took a moment to comprehend what Dr. Mehta had asked her.

“Katie, even if someone told you to never tell anyone about it, or made you scared, it’s okay to tell me here, in private. I’m here to listen and to help.”

Katie thought for a long time.

“No, nobody’s done anything like that to me, but once I—”

Katie’s head snapped back to the giraffe in her lap.

“Sorry?” Dr. Mehta said. “You once what?”

Katie played with the giraffe.

“It’s okay, Katie, finish what you were going to say.”

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