Page 95 of Madam, May I

Her roster was short by three, and it was nearing a year since she’d even interviewed a new courtesan. She thought of Jann’s unenthusiastic lay with Denzin and winced as she closed the laptop. There was a time she would have been pressed to replace them, but she wouldn’t. She didn’t want to.

Three less people to worry about.

These days she was feeling like less was definitely more.

Even the mansion in Riverdale was a burden she was considering letting go. The multiyear lease was up for renewal in six months. No monthly rent. No upkeep. No weekly cleanings. No worries over raids.

“I think I better let it go,” she sang in baritone, making herself chuckle.

Maybe it’s time to let it all go.

The thought of that made her feel light-hearted.

If not now, when? If not me . . . then let someone else do it.Plum left it to get clean.

Red left it to get a man—even part-time.

Tasty left to follow her dreams.

And so many more had come and gone over the last seventeen years for one reason or another. And still, Desdemona remained. She wondered if and when she would have the courage to walk away from the business. The money was good, and the work was far easier than when she was streetwalking.

I’m only thirty-five and love my lifestyle as is. Five million won’t last me for the rest of my life.

Desdemona drummed the tips of her fingernails against the laptop as she tilted her head to the side and looked up at her family portrait above the fireplace. She squinted as a reality settled upon her. “The hell,” she said, sitting up straight.

Both of her parents died young. Super young. She had outlived her mother by a couple of years and was closing on her father’s age in the next five years. She frowned. Deeply.

Desdemona pressed her fingertips to her pulse but dropped her hand, realizing how silly that was.

Am I going up yonder early like my parents?Then what will happen to the money, the house, the clothes, and all the other material things she cherished and was afraid to lose?

“I amsoconfused,” she whispered, still eying the painting.

With a breath, she laid her back against the couch and looked up at the high ceilings. She became pensive, remembering how it felt to skydive in Vegas. Schedule to take her GED. Think about college. Make love to Loren. Travel more.

Any time she stepped out of her comfort zone she had found nothing but bliss.

The power of “Or.”

I could keep living and making money just as I am, or...

She was uneducated but far from dumb, and she knew there was a middle ground—a compromise between where she was and where she knew she would one day be, out of the game. “No extension on the mansion lease. No new courtesans or consorts. Wean the service hours down to just the weekends,” she said, ticking each off on her fingers. “Less business. More pleasure. Live with no regrets.”

Loren.

Desdemona closed her eyes and saw the face of her biggest regret. Loving Loren. She loved him. The very thought of him made her warm, her heart swell, and her stomach fill with flutters likened to a million butterfly wings. Still, she had accepted that she could not have him. There was no way. There was no Loren and Desdemona. No happily ever after.

No chubby babies with wild curls and beautiful eyes smiling up at me and saying “mama.”

She jumped to her feet, pushing aside longings that she never before had.

It was time to get some of Bobby Brown’s prerogative and do what she wanted to do. Taking on Portia had put the kibosh on Desdemona’s momentum to travel and explore. Her ward was working and saving money as she built up more time on her job to qualify for a decent apartment. She didn’t need as close guidance as she once did.

Desdemona looked over at her front door before coming around the sofa and striding to the foyer to open and leave it ajar. She crossed the hall just as a door down the hall closed. She paused with her fist near the door to find the couple down the hall standing there staring at her—the husband a little more than his wife.

“Albert!” she exclaimed, her face reddened with anger.

Desdemona looked down at her lace robe and shrugged.People are so weird about the human body.

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