Page 4 of Sugar Rush

I swallowed and rose from the chair. I needed to find Arkan. I knew I was being a shitty mate and failing to take proper care of him, but it was so fuckinghardto leave the hospital. Maybe … maybe if they hadn't woken up by tomorrow, I'd book in an hour of Arkan cuddle time. God knew we could both use it.

Ormaybe my blood would kick in now, Taj and Dev would wake up, and we'd all form a cuddle pile in the bed in my suite?

Notall, a spiteful voice reminded me. My own voice.We wouldn’tallcuddle. One was taken.

Yes, thank you,I snapped back at myself.I'm well aware.

"Hey," I called across the dim room to the medics. "How long is this blood supposed to take?"

I was not a huge fan of the way Marjorie's blue eyes went all wide and round, sympathy bleeding from her stare. Sinjin was noticeably silent, which made me even more nervous.

Shira turned in her seat to give me a matching look to Marjorie's. "I'm sorry, my lady, I thought you knew."

I waited for the scoff from her brother at the title, but he was silent. Oh, god.

"It would have been instant," Shira went on gently, a deep well of kindness in her expression.

"Right," I choked out, turning away from them. But then I was looking at my unconscious mates, and that was no better. "Got it."

It hadn't worked. It had given me useless, destructive fuckinghope,and it hadn't worked.

I couldn't—I couldn't stay here. I couldn't leave, the bond wouldn't let me leave either of them, but I couldn't stay.

I drew a knife from the hidden seam of my black pants and punched through all my instincts by walking away.

The screaming in my soul was so vicious that I flinched. But I kept walking. I needed a moment. I needed to kill someone, to get rid of this crippling emotion.

If I didn’t, it would eat me alive.

2

Ipicked an aimless direction and stormed across the castle, people jumping out of my way either at the expression on my face or the fire that shot up my arms and burned evenly, not even flickering.

"Princess," a familiar voice called from behind me when I reached the tiny psychic gardens in the middle of the castle. Every leaf, plant, and grass was black, some veined with green, others with red. It was violent and pretty, and I wanted to destroy it for a reason I couldn't even place.

I spun on my heel.

Arkan strode into the gardens, his expression impassive. But I felt his exhaustion and worry, and knew the mask was just a front.

Run into his arms,my inner voice urged me, but my feet wouldn't budge, and my heart slammed against my ribs, and I couldn't breathe without choking on all this useless fuckinghope.

"Where the Hell have you been?" I snapped.

Stop, stop,I pleaded with myself even as I spun out of control.

Ark ground to a halt in the middle of the gardens, three feet away from me. "I told you where I was," he replied, his voice as cold and empty as always.

But I couldfeelthe tempest of misery and anguish he hid behind that stoicness.

"I was with the council, cleaning up after Eidolon's rampage."

Yeah, apparently after he failed to get the infernal relics from Dev, he abducted my X and went on a murder jaunt through Hell, killing anyone he came across and flattening buildings to rubble. Trying out that new devil power. Except he didn't haveallof it, and would never get it without the three relics. He had one—the crown—but one was missing and Dev had hid the third. Still, the crown was enough for him to destroy three towns and countless lives.

The energy inside me rattled faster, more violent, more bloodthirsty. More afraid.

"I needed you," I hissed at my mate, wrapping my arms around myself—falling to pieces. I swallowed and tasted blood. The blood that was supposed to have healed my mates. "Ineededyou, Arkan, and where were you? Why do you always vanish when we need you most?"

He stumbled back a step, his pale blue eyes widening.

---