Page 72 of Wicked Vow

I nod, unable to find anything to say. I should thank him or tell him that I’m alright–but I’m not sure that I am. Physically, I feel mostly fine–Mikhail had gotten here before Erik was able to inflict any serious damage. But emotionally, I feel like a wreck.

I want to go back to the estate, to a bath and a soft bed, but I know I need to go and get checked out. I don’t know what drugs they’d given me exactly or how they might harm the baby, and I won’t have peace of mind until someone tells me that everything is alright.

I’m taken out to a waiting car, gently helped into the back, and I sit there numbly as I rub my aching wrists, looking out towards the water as the driver starts the car. I feel a little bit as if I’m in shock, like the events that just played out aren’t entirely real.

All I can think about, as I sit at the hospital on an exam table with Sasha next to me, answering questions and letting the doctor run tests, is that I want Mikhail. I want him here with me, holding my other hand, reminding me that no matter what happens, no matter what sort of danger there is out in the world, I have something more dangerous to keep me safe.

I’ve seen two sides to him now–the man who can be violent to protect me, who is possessive and dangerous, obsessive to a fault…and the man who has shown he can walk away to keep a promise.

I want them both. I wantallof him. And I don’t know if I’ll ever have a chance to make that a reality.

I know that no one will understand. That no one will see, at least not for a long time, what I see in him. But I’m starting to think that I don’t care.

I’d come here to make my own choices. To build my own life, free of the expectations and duty that had come with being Konstantin Obelensky’s daughter. And now, I’m going to do just that.

I’m going to give him time to feel that he’s kept his promise. I press my hand against my stomach, telling myself that I’ll wait until after the baby is born. And then, when I see him again, I’ll tell him what I want.

A life that includes him, too.

—

“I’m never fucking doing this again!”

“That’s what we all say,” Ana tells me with a hint of humor in her voice as she helps me down the stairs. I can see Sasha and Max waiting down by the door with my hospital bag, and I’m sure a driver has already been called around, ready to take me to the hospital. But right now, what I want is a fucking time machine, so I can go back in time and not get knocked up in the first place.

No one adequately prepared me for how much it wouldhurt.

Pregnancy hadn’t been my favorite thing. As it went on, I grew more and more comfortable with the idea of having a baby of my own, especially as I spent time with Brigit and Sean, but actuallybeingpregnant was something I didn’t know if I’d ever care to repeat. I’d spent a lot of time sick and uncomfortable, and I’d missed Mikhail.

True to his word, he’d stayed away. And with Erik dead, everything else stopped too. No creepy gifts left for me, no late-night texts, no threat of danger looming over my head any longer. I’d at long last been at peace.

I’d been able to start thinking about the future I wanted once the baby was here.

“Just hang on,” Sasha coaxes me as we get into the car, and she sits next to me. She’s heavily pregnant, too, due any day, and I can see the concerned look that Max is giving her as she settles in.

“You should be staying home,” he says, looking at her. “What if you go into labor, too?”

“Well, then we’ll already be at the hospital, won’t we?” She smiles cheekily at him. “I’m not missing out on my sister having her baby. Especially since I’m all the family she has.”

I know Sasha doesn’t mean that statement to hurt–she means for it to be reassuring. That she won’t leave me. That despite how our relationship as sisters started, she’s going to stick by my side. But it just reminds me that the only other person that I want here with me, isn’t.

I can feel myself longing for him for the entire ride to the hospital, while I’m getting checked in, while the nurse is settling me in my room, Sasha hovering close by. I want his strong, dominating presence, his hand in mine, his reassurance that he’ll protect me–even if this really is one of the few things that he can’t protect me from.

I close my eyes as the pain comes in waves, stronger and stronger, and the night starts to turn into a blur of needles and pain and nurses giving me instructions and reassuring me, Sasha’s voice in my ear from where she’s standing by my head. And then, just as I’m not sure I can take it any longer, not sure that I can do it, I hear the door open.

“Sir, I don’t know if–”

“I’m with her. I’m the baby’s father.”

I look up, startled, blinking through the fog of pain to see Mikhail pushing through the door and striding towards me, taking up a spot on the other side of my head across from Sasha. He reaches for my hand, threading his fingers through mine as he holds it, looking down at me with an expression I can’t quite read.

“I’m sorry,” he says simply. “I couldn’t wait until after,kotenok. I had to be here for the birth of our child.”

I can see Sasha opening her mouth out of the corner of my eye, her eyes narrowing in protest, and I look at her, shaking my head.

“It’s okay,” I tell her firmly. “I want him here. Please don’t make him leave.”

I can see the moment where she wants to argue with me, to insist that he go. And then her face softens, and she nods.

---