Page 33 of Wicked Vow

“I feel like I’m hearing that a lot lately,” I say with a short laugh. “Is it always that hard?”

Sasha shrugs, but she’s still smiling. “Maybe? If you love a complicated man. Max islesscomplicated than some of the men the other women I know are with–Caterina and Sofia especially. But he had his own things he needed to struggle with before he could really love me completely. And it was better for waiting, even if I didn’t necessarily believe it at the time.”

“Caterina said something about needing to know what I want, so that if someone wants to be with me, they know they have to be able to give me that.” I glance at her. “What do you think?”

Sasha laughs. “Well, that sounds like pretty good advice. I knew what I wanted–I wanted Max. But he used to be a priest and was committed to keeping whatever parts of his vows he could. So it was a long road to him letting go of that and giving in to how he felt about me. I was patient, and now we’re here. With a baby on the way.”

We’re almost to one of the benches on the garden path, and she sits down, looking up at me as I sit too. “What about you?” she asks softly. “I saw how you looked when I said I was pregnant. Is my baby going to have a little cousin?”

I almost want to tell her no, because I don’t want to steal her thunder. But there’s no chance that I’m going to lie to my sister, either. She’s the only family I have left in the world, so I nod slowly, swallowing as I meet her gaze.

“I’m not very far along, either. So yes–and probably around the same time.”

“And I’m guessing the father isn’t someone who you want around, and that’s the reason for all the complicated relationship talks?” Sasha looks at me sympathetically. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, but I’m not going to judge you for anything.”

“I don’t know if I do or not,” I admit. “It’s a complicated situation. He–”

I take a deep breath, and I fill her in. Not on the worst parts of it, the parts I don’t think I could say aloud to anyone, but enough of an outline that Sasha can understand. Her eyes widen when I say his name, and she goes absolutely silent for a moment.

“I knew Mikhail,” she says quietly, and I look at her, stunned. “Not well,” she adds quickly. “But he was there–when Viktor shot the man who raped me. He was Viktor’s enforcer. He did the dirtiest work or ordered others to do it. He wasn’t agoodman, Natalia. But he also–I saw the way he looked at the man who hurt me. He thought the man was scum. Maybe just because that man had ‘stolen’ Viktor’s property, maybe because of what the man actually did to me–I don’t really have any way of knowing. But he also–” She presses her lips together, looking at me uncertainly. “Natalia, he’s the one who picked me up in Moscow and brought me here. He was in charge of collecting girls for Viktor to sell, back when that was his business. I don’t think he took any great pleasure in it–it wasn’t as if he got off on picking girls up off the street and shipping them back to Viktor. It was–he was cold about it. It was his job.”

“Oh my god.” I don’t even know what to say for a moment. It feels like too much to absorb, the way it’s all connected, the ways that our lives have intertwined. “Sasha, I’m so sorry–”

“Don’t be,” she says firmly. “Honestly, Natalia, if I saw him again, I wouldn’t be angry with him. It was his job. Viktor would be the person I’d be angry with, if anyone, and he and I have worked through all that long ago. Viktorhaschanged, and he’s done so much to try to make up for what he did back then. As I said–it wasn’t as if Mikhail took pleasure in it. But itdoesmake sense as to how he knew how to get to you.”

“Yeah,” I echo quietly, still trying to come to terms with it all. “He had plenty of experience.”

“He didn’t exactly seduce us over a period of time, though,” Sasha says grimly. “Just a little convincing, and then some drugs to get us calm enough to go on the plane. Like I said, Natalia–he wasn’t a good man. But then again, neither was Viktor back then. And Viktor is different now.”

“I don’t think Mikhail has changed in a matter of days.” I let out a long breath. “Who knows if he even wants to? He seemed to be perfectly fine with the kind of man he is.”

“That makes me think you want him to,” Sasha says gently. “Is that what’s going on? You want him to be a part of this?” She gestures towards me, and I know what she means–the baby, my new life that I’m trying to figure out what it looks like now.

“I don’t know,” I tell her honestly. It feels strange to admit it out loud, but who can I talk to, if not my sister? “I don’t even really know all that much about him, clearly. There’s so much that I don’t know. And I have no idea if this is what I want. If I want a baby, a family, where I want to live, what I want to do–I haven’t figured any of it out.”

“Which is why Caterina’s advice was smart.” Sasha leans back against the bench, looking at me. “If you know what you want, then it will be up to Mikhail if he wants to be a part of it. If he wants to be the kind of person who fits into that. And if he doesn’t–if hecan’t–then he could never have made you happy, no matter what.”

“Is that how you felt about Max?”

“I was willing to let Max go, if it meant him being happy.Hewas what I wanted, and I’ll admit, I wasn’t always very graceful about it.” Sasha laughs. “I loved him so much, and he was so very confused. It made it hard to be patient sometimes. But in the end–yes. If he couldn’t have been happy with me, if his vow was more important than loving me–it would have hurt, but I loved him enough to let go of a future that wasn’t good for us both.”

She lets out a sigh, looking at me ruefully. “In this case, Natalia, I think you need to love yourself enough to let go of that future if it isn’t good for you. If Mikhail can’t be what you need.”

I nod, swallowing hard. “Everything has happened really fast. It’s hard to know what to do, when so much of it I hadn’t even imagined until very recently.”

“Well.” Sasha sits up, smiling at me. “I have at least a partial solution. I know averygood way for you to figure out what your next steps should be.”

“Oh?” I raise an eyebrow at her. “You do?”

“Yes.” She grins. “You come back to Boston with Max and me.”

Natalia

Two days later, I’m still turning Sasha’s suggestion over and over in my head.

Boston.It’s not a place I’d ever imagined going. I know no one there other than Sasha and Max–but a small part of me thinks that could be for the best. It’s a fresh start in the truest sense, a place to begin completely new–and my sister will be there. I’d mourned the fact that we’d had so little time, that I’d had no idea whether or not I’d ever see her again, and now I have the opportunity to do just that.

“Natalia?” I hear Sasha’s voice through the door, and I open it, letting her in as I look at the dresses draped over my bed. “Are you still getting ready?”

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