Page 20 of Bodyguard Baby Daddy

“You shoulda peed back at the gas station,” I jab my thumb over my shoulder.

“I didn’t need to.”

“I didn’t need to either, but I went, didn't I?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t have your forethought,” Mimi rolls her eyes. “Seriously though.”

“Seriously, though, what?” I ask.

“Seriously though, I got topiss.” Mimi is bouncing the chair, back and forth.

“That doesn't look like it helps,” I say. “All that motion would be jangling the piss around your bladder—”

“All that soda you bought me is jangling the piss around my bladder. Just pull over, dammit!”

“We’ve barely got any shoulder,” I gesture at the edges of the road. I look in my rear view mirrors though. There’s no one behind us.

“It’s enough. I’ll just shimmy down the edge there,” she points in the grasses and low bushes.

“There? You sure you don’t want to wait until the next gas station. Sign we just passed said twenty miles.”

“Just pull over!” she cries.

I giggle and begin slowing down. I pull as far off the edge as I can. There’s still no one behind us, and I’m glad it’s late afternoon and before work finishes.

“Toilet paper?” she asks.

“We didn't plan this trip for stopping,” I say. “You need to pull over and pee, then you pull over and pee andshake.” I burst into laughter, and Mimi rolls her eyes, exiting the van and jogging down the little slope.

She heads off the road a bit, just into the tree line, definitely not hidden. There's nothing she can hide from us here. She squats down and begins relieving herself. Shelooksrelieved.

That’s when I roll forward slowly.

I take my foot off the clutch and let the truck go. Mimi screams! Squatting and trying to keep her pants from getting pissed on and her shoes from getting splashed, she’s doing this awkward squat and still going. Cars start tooting their horns when they drive past, and I’m gone. I put on the breaks and can’t control myself from laughter. I’m crying by the time she gets back in the van. She’s fuming. I don’t even try to keep driving, I just laugh and laugh until I see she’s folding her arms and giving me daggers.

“Worth it?” she asks.

“Worth it,” I reply, wiping my eyes.

“Mmhmm,’ she says. Then quickly reaches over and flicks my dick.

I recoil and grab my junk, trying to sink my ass through the bottom of the chair. “My dick,” I choke.

“Oh, your dick?” Mimi quips, dripping sarcasm.

“That hurt,” I rub it a little. It’s dull and aching. “Jesus, you flick with a little lead weight on your finger?”

Mimi laughs and shakes her head. “Only the beginning.”

“Oh, come on?” I say, pulling back out onto the highway. “That was funny!” ”

“It was not,” Mimi says, but I can see her trying not to smile.

“It was, and you know it. See, dudes can get away with pissing on the side of the road. Everyone’s seen a willy they shouldn’t have while taking a road trip.”

Mimi snorts. “What the hell is a willy?”

“You know, a penis!”

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