Page 18 of The Gods of Chaos and Chance

‘Corgi shit?’

‘How is your leg? I suppose this call is because you are lying around bored with yourself and annoying everyone else.’

‘Not at all. I am extremely busy, as ever.’

‘On the run for good, hopefully.’

‘Do not forget your family is also Russian. I would have an emergency bag packed, if I were you.’

‘Oh, what utter bollocks you do spout.’

‘Russian Order of Friendship just been returned…?’

‘What do you want, Nikki? Things are a bit tricky here just at the moment, as you can imagine. I genuinely don’t have time for your nonsense. If I ever did. We are—’

‘Getting ready for a…coronation?’

She literally shushed him. On a phone, which, he was fairly sure, she didn’t have on speaker. Aleksey grinned and turned carefully onto his stomach. This conversation was proving to be more fun than he’d anticipated.

‘You do know it’s a treasonable offence to even mention…that.’

He paused in extracting a cigarette from its packet. ‘No it’s not.’

‘Oh yes it is. And treason carries a death sentence still.’

‘No it doesn’t.’Did it?‘Anyway, I’m notHersubject, and I won’t beyoursubject one day either.’

‘Nikolas! What do you want?’

‘Aleksey. It’s Aleksey now.’

‘Absolute bloody balderdash. I haven’t even attempted to explain that tobelovedyet. He likes Nikolas. Nikolas the Knob.’

‘Charming. True in way though. As you would know.’

‘Oh, shut up. Blasted names. He’s being told he can’t beThe Third, apparently. Bad bloody luck or something, given the ending of the first. Maybe the debauchery of the second? So he’s busy thinking what he wants to be called.’

‘Ethelred? I always did think he was bit unready for you.’

‘So, are you going to tell me how Ben is, or is this a subject we’re not ever going to discuss?’

Aleksey rolled again, blowing smoke rings into the air above him. ‘He doesn’t want to know still. We don’t talk about it.’

‘I wish he would…well, he knows, I suppose…Nikki, you have told him that there are no hard feelings on my part, haven’t you? That you arebothwelcome. Well, when I’m here on my own, of course. I would like to see him, clear the air. Anyway, what did you call for?’

‘I was wondering how you felt about being the Duchess of Normandy soon.’

It was her turn to pause. He could literally hear the gears turning. He waited patiently, drawing smoke deep into his lungs. He was smoking more heavily than usual these days because he had a sure and certain belief that this would be the next thing that would be declared unhealthy for him (again) and he’d consequently have to relinquish (again). There wouldn’t be much left after that.

‘French.’

‘Huh?’

‘You have some bizarre theory that I am going to be a French duchess? Is that what you’ve phoned to tell me?’

‘Yes.Les Iles de la Anglo-Normandes. And you will be the Duchess of Normandy. I thought I’d tell you. I know how you love the French.’

‘We do have the sweetest of cottages on Sark... I’d forgotten about that.’

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