Page 64 of The Bright and Hungry Future of Hawks

Normal.

“’Sup?”

Ben started at Squeezy’s question and quickly rubbed his eyes as if tired.

“Nothing.”

“Uh-huh. Same old, same old then.”

Ben nodded at this assessment.

Squeezy knew Nikolas almost as well as he did. Better in some ways, he allowed.Differently. But his small gesture of assent was a lie.

This wasn’t the same old anything.

* * *

Chapter 34

Four Months Before April

The atmosphere that evening was decidedly frosty.

It was unfortunate that Tim had decided to track down his AWOL boyfriend and then, on discovering him lounging on a sofa watching a movie with one of Nikolas’s excellent bottles of wine, had decided to invite himself to dinner and to stay the night—because, as he’d pointed out, he couldn’t drink and drive, could he?

Nikolas clearly wasn’t in the mood to have company. He didn’t even seem to want Ben’s, so the addition of Tim and Squeezy was awkward. But in some ways Ben knew they were both using the presence of the other two men not to get into what was bothering Nik.

Squeezy clearly knew that something was wrong, but he didn’t suffer the swings and arrows of his boss’s moods as Ben did, so offered nothing to relieve the situation. He appeared to be enjoying it. Squeezy found pretty much everything Nikolas did amusing. In his own way, although the moron would deny this, Ben knew that Squeezy was now, after him, Nikolas Mikkelsen’s biggest fan. Well, adult one, anyway. He was pretty sure Miles Toogood had an altar to the annoying one. Sure, Squeezy derided him, mocked him, laughed at him, tormented him, abused him to his face and ignored most of what he said or did when it suited him, but he also gravitated to him, studied him, and clearly found him fascinating.

Now, he was watching the complete lack of interaction between Ben and Nikolas that evening with something akin to relish. Ben knew one of Squeezy’s helpful comments would be forthcoming. Probably about group sex, but also possibly about a book Nikolas had not read, a theory he knew nothing about and using words Nikolas would struggle to translate. Squeezy appeared to be able to torment Nikolas in very subtle and surprising ways. And maybe he was right—maybe Nikolas was best being teased and mocked. Often that shook him out of whatever bad mood he’d plunged into.

For, of course, despite being so newly relaxed and chilled about life, Nikolas did still have dark days. Ben supposed everyone did, but they had less justification for this than Nikolas. Who knew what set off his bad memories?

So it wasn’t the most cheerful foursome around the table they’d ever enjoyed. Tim was mostly oblivious to Nikolas’s concerns one way or the other. Possibly, he’d long ago decided that if he ignored the weirdness it would sort itself out in the end. And Ben had to admit, Tim had some justification for this belief, as his introduction to them had included being almost fucked for his secrets and then nearly tortured to death. And that had all ended spectacularly well for him. He now had Squeezy and this life, after all. So either he was unaware of the tense atmosphere, or he was genuinely naive enough to think that Nikolas sitting silently playing with his food rather than eating it was fine.

Ben was tempted to glance to Radulf to see if he could add anything to the mix.

“So, did you see the dress?”

Ben winced. This only made Squeezy smirk even though he didn’t appear to be observing Ben, concentrating his wit on Nikolas. As Ben knew Nikolas wouldn’t look up from his plate, or respond, he replied for both of them.

“No and shut up.”

Squeezy leant back in his seat and turned his gaze to Tim, as if he was including and consulting him, which he rarely did for real but often did for comic effect, and murmured conspiratorially, “Nice bit of off-white satin would suit Diesel. Not a frock, course. White suit, like, for his wedding.”

Tim was doing a crossword and peered up myopically over his glasses. “Wedding?” He glanced at Ben, snorted, and returned to his puzzle.

Squeezy gave an Oscar-winning sigh. “Yeah, you’re right. Imagine Matey’s vows though. ‘With all your worldly goods I me endow.’” He sniggered quietly at his own joke, because no one else was laughing.

Ben was caught in a bit of a trap now, which was probably exactly what the moron intended. How did you reject and deride such a notion, which is what he immediately wanted to do, without fundamentally undermining what he and Nikolas had together, which he felt was a commitment that went beyond such a mundane thing as marriage? The argument tangled in his brain even before he tried to speak it. He half hoped Nikolas might use one of his very effective putdowns, but nothing was forthcoming.

“Yeah, you should ask him, boss. Make an honest man of him. Go down on one knee for another reason than you usually do.”

At that, Nikolas did raise his gaze from his precisely arranged, yet uneaten food. He studied Ben for an uncomfortable length of time then replied softly, “Benjamin does not like the idea of men being married to each other, I seem to recall.”

Ben felt there was something brewing that he was at a loss to forestall. He didn’t think he’d ever made such a comment out loud, although he did think this, obviously. He wanted to ask Nikolas, “Have I done something to upset you? Was that call aboutme?” but clearly couldn’t, given their current company. But there had been something in Nikolas’s study of him that appeared to be weighing him in some balance, and that in that calculation he had been found wanting.

* * *

---