Page 128 of Run Away Home: Tempered

He laughs. “All I’m saying is if I get baby ads tomorrow, point proven.” He picks up his drink and takes a big sip.

Okay. If I want to enjoy tonight at all, I have to catch up with this guy. I chug down the rest of my Moscato like a lady.

“Nice,” he says.

“Just trying to keep up with you, but you’re not making it very easy.”

“You would pass out on the table before you kept up with me. I’d have to carry you home, lass.”

“Lass?”

“When I’m drunk I become more Scottish. It’s a thing.” He swirls his drink around in his glass. “Be honest with me,” He leans forward, “is this the worst date you’ve ever been on?”

“Actually, far from it.”

“What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on then?” He laughs. “Worse than sitting here with a drunk Scotsman?”

“One guy took me to Burger King, which is cool. I’m not a gold digger. Then he suggested we go back to his place. Well, I didn’t know he lived with his elderly mother, who he argued with about purchasing the wrong size adult diapers. Then, once he was done fighting with her, he tried to take me into the basement and have sex.”

Peter’s expression goes blank, and his mouth opens a little. I think I broke him.

“Wow, that is much worse than this. I’m so sorry you have such bad taste in men.” He smirks and gulps the rest of his drink.

“Another round?” The waiter asks.

“Yeah. Her too! She needs it. Jesus, Mary, and St. Joseph.”

“It was not that bad.”

“Keep telling yourself that, hon. I hope you didn’t get something off the dollar menu.”

“Nope. I got a combo meal.”

“That’a girl!”

“Still didn’t have sex with him, though.”

“I’m astounded. Not even for a combo meal? Those have to be what? Five dollars?”

“Closer to eight dollars, but yeah...not even for that.”

“Were the diapers too big or too small? That matters. If he bought them too big, his mother could have been insulted, but I think they’re still usable. On the contrary, if he bought them too small, it’s very flattering, but they have to be returned.”

“I feel like you’re thinking about this way too critically.” I laugh.

The waiter puts down our drinks.

“Do you really want to catch up with me?” he asks.

“Yes.”

“Okay.” He swaps our drinks with one swift motion.

“I cannot drink whiskey.”

“Why not?”

“I just... I don’t know!”

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