Page 41 of Moon Bound

This was a suicide mission. A foolish, split-second decision to leave the vampire’s protection in search for a guardian who might not even want me. Hindsight is a beautiful thing, but not when that bitch is laughing in your face whilst writing your elegy. Water droplets from afar beckon me closer, each drip sounding more impatient and eager to greet me. Retreating into my own mind, I try to distract myself from the intense pain spanning my entire back, knowing if I survive this – whatever tattoo artist was chosen for that wolf tattoo Chase spoke of won’t have much of a smooth canvas to work with.

The ceiling above is lowering. At first, I thought it was a trick of my mind, but I soon found myself wiggling through a tight cylinder with stone spikes merely inches from my face. The journey is taking longer than I expected, and my body is beginning to feel sluggish and limp – no doubt from the blood loss of my slashed back. I can’t go on anymore, I’m only torturing myself before Carrick can.

And here I was thinking you’d grown your own backbone,the voice in my head chuckles at her pun.

By the moon - I hate you,I mentally groan back. Despite the sentiment, relief floods my body. I didn’t realize how truly alone I felt until she was ignoring me, but a slither of hope flares. My vampire side is the strong one. She will see me through.

After all this time, you still haven’t learnt, she retorts. I stop struggling, laying back beneath a sharp spoke jutting from the ceiling. I could envision it snapping free, impaling me in this tiny passageway and no one would ever know. But still I lay here, waiting for her to elaborate.

You’re always at war with yourself, splitting your personality into three. Did it ever occur to you to accept yourself as you are? I’m not a monster; I’m an extension of you. Embrace it. Embrace me. Embrace who you truly are.

A violent shudder rolls through my shoulders, causing a pained groan to halt at my sealed lips. Burns this intense are like acid, seeping into every orifice. Torturing me. Suffocating me. There is no escape, not without help.

I won’t save you. I am you.My shortened breath stills. Could it really be that simple? To embrace the beast that I push away? The truth hits me with the impact of a freight train. She. Is. Me. Instead of embracing the gifts I hold, I’ve been using them as an excuse. Distancing myself, placing the blame on a figment of my imagination and pretending I don’t have control. When in reality, I hold all the cards. I am a freaking vampire. It’s about time I started acting like it.

Pulling my legs as close as the cramped space allows, I place the worn soles of my feet flat on the ground, ready to propel myself backward. With a final burst of effort, I shove back, and the ground beneath me suddenly gives way. I plummet, bound by restraints and powerless to prevent the impact against a solid wall—a pained scream lodges in my throat, trapped by my sealed lips.

The world whirls past in a dizzying blur as I tumble and roll down a rough slope, finally collapsing in a crumpled heap at the bottom. The ringing in my ears signals that my head took a heavy blow, accompanied by a throbbing pulse at my temple and warm fluid seeping into my eye. Gazing through the haze of crimson, I take in my new surroundings.The cavern is vast and empty, circled by thin, rocky columns like a granite rib cage. Sprinkles of liquid rain down from many of the tiny fissures across the ceiling. The hollow space houses a large pool of shimmering water in the center, causing my parched throat to ache even more at the sight. Lifting my head to continue my visual exploration, a light catches my attention. A perfect circle of moonlight shines through a hole in the cavern’s rooftop. A lump rises in my throat, and more tears leak at the sight. If this is to be my death chamber, I couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful scene.

Forgetting my pain and thirst, I clamber and slither desperately to reach the lunar light, craving the glow upon my skin. After too much effort and without any grace, I reach the illuminated patch on the ground and collapse onto it.

My wolf nudges her head against my chest then, begging me to let her take over. It’s almost too easy. Too simple. I call to her a few times before my body responds, my weakness hindering my ability to shift. The first bone to snap is in one of my wrists, followed by all the bones in my hand, allowing me to slip out of the silver cuff circling it. I sigh in relief and anguish as my arm flops down to the ground, my shoulder finally at ease in its natural position. The next hand repeats the process, my renewed inner hope and strength aiding the transition.

I’ve never shifted so slowly, but soon I’ve managed to free myself from the binds holding me and re-adjust my bones into their new skeletal positions. The burns on my face ease as I desperately try to remove the silver contraption from my face, but my hands turn to paws before I get the chance. White fur sprouts from my body to mark the end of the transformation, although the muzzle is still firmly in place – having plenty of room to accommodate my now longer snout.

Sighing, I collapse, intent on flexing my lips to tear them apart. I should be healing, but the puddle of red growing beside my face and the scent of copper surrounding me is not a healthy sign. Staggering over to the clear water, I look at my reflection and notice the pure white fur covering me is turning a deep scarlet, as if a bottle of cabernet is being poured across my wolf’s coat. I sway uncontrollably and crash into the shallow edge of the pool. Swallowing a few mouthfuls of water through the muzzle, I gently shift my body side to side, trying to wash some of the blood and dirt from my sticky coat.

But it’s no use. I’m too weak, too far past the point of return. I won’t recover from this. Not without a fresh blood supply in my immediate future. I slowly drag my lethargic body back to the moon’s glow, pulling on its power to comfort me. Even if my body would allow me to, there’s no point in trying to escape or run – I have nowhere to go, and no one to run to.

I curl up in the luminescence, soaking in the glorious rays. I want to stay alive so badly. I want to see if I can fix things with my vampires. Above all, I need to know is Sawyer is okay. The vamps will heal, but it’s the unknown I can’t handle. I thought we might have had more time. Time to cool off, time for me to satisfy my worries and return. But I won’t spend my remaining few moments living with regrets. I can feel the life draining from me along with the blood from my open wounds.

I imagine Jax sitting beside me, leaning on my wolf, and stroking my soft coat with his masterful fingers. My spine tingles, my tail wagging gently from side to side, happy to have him here with me in my mind. Torsten caresses the patch between my ears, causing my wolf to purr. Chase’s arms circle me in a comforting hug, his face nuzzling in my neck. I even trick myself into believing the shadow of a raven soars gently overhead. Always watching, always caring. In my vision, without the muzzle hindering me, I turn my large head to shower all of them with long leisurely strokes of my tongue. Responding chuckles are music to my sensitive ears.

Water dripping on my face breaks the illusion, snapping me back to the reality of this cold, empty cavity in the earth. Rain falls from the skylight above, although I can only feel it on my face since my body is already soaked through and shivering.

How did it come to this? My wolf releases a series of whines and cries for a life she wishes we could have had. One filled with family and happiness, laughter, and passion. But I quickly calm her with soothing words in our mind. I refuse to go out in a ball of misery or anger.

I choose to be thankful. Thankful that for one millisecond of my life, I felt true love. No matter how brief, I had a team in my corner. That’s more than many others can claim to have accomplished and more than I ever dared to imagine. Preparing myself for the inevitable, I’m going to do it with love in my heart.

I love my men. I will live on through each of them. Jaxon, Torsten, Chase, and Sawyer. My pack. I lift my head to the opening above me and howl longingly. My wolf and I howl together with all the love and passion for the beings who changed my world, giving me everything I needed to be fulfilled. With that final thought, as I trick myself again into seeing Sawyer’s fluttering shadow pass overhead, I expel the rest of the air from my lungs and lower my head, drifting into the darkness, waiting for me to give in.

Chapter28

Sawyer

Apool of red. A smear of crimson.

Circling on open wings, I orbit the cave. Evidence of empty blood bags and a discarded duffle bag sit hidden behind a large rock. Someone camped out here, someone who needed a mass amount of blood to heal, and my gut tells me Aspen wasn’t provided such pleasantries. No, Carrick must have sat. Gorging. Watching. The only solace I take is that he wasn’t feeding on her.

Following the path of blood, I slip through cracks within the stone, focused on nearing sound of dripping water. That’s where she would have gone, if given the choice. I may not have the heightened senses to follow her tracks, but I know Aspen. I understand how her mind and wolf works.

Flapping my wings, I soar towards a smaller tunnel. Barely large enough for the expanse of my wings, spokes protruding from the ceiling. Entering on a fast swoop, a glow at the far end allows me to hold onto the hope I’ve refused to relinquish. I haven’t waited this long, fought this hard, for my life with Aspen to be over before it had a chance to truly begin.

The cave suddenly judders violently, punctuated by a guttural roar. Spikes fall free from the ceiling, hurtling down and forcing me to swerve and spin sideways. Damn vampires and their brute strength – although I understand their desperation. There’s no time to be gentle.

Breaking free of the enclosed space, I hurtle into an enormous cavern just as the tunnel behind me collapses. Rocks crash to the ground as the structure threatens to crumble. I soar high, taking stock of the cavern before zeroing in on a glossy crimson shape glowing from the moon's faint light through a gap above. My heart stills as I forget how to breathe. Swooping hard and fast, I shift mid-air, skidding on my boots to her side, kicking up a cloud of dust.

“Fuck Aspen,” I growl, taking the large wolf’s head in my hands. “What did they do to you?!” A heavy muzzle of pure silver weighs her down, and my blood boils to a self-destructive degree. With trembling hands, I unclasp the muzzle, throwing it far away. “Aspen, come on, baby. Come back to me.” She’s warm yet limp. Placing her head down and shifting my hands to her neck as I try to locate her pulse. The longer I can’t find one, the more my gut-wrenching panic increases. No fluttering in her neck, no beating in her chest, and no breath leaving her nose.No. I can’t be too late. I gently shake the wolf’s body, placing kisses along her snout.

---