Page 19 of Moon Bound

“No,” I growl bluntly. It’s enough that my assistant and those in charge of the army have seen me in such a state. I don’t need anyone else in my business. What I do need is to step down from my duties and be alone. After the trials, I’m considering moving into the cabin permanently, like a retirement home for those with nothing and no one to live for.

“Lorcan,” Nova states. I don’t like the familiarity in her tone or how close she’s getting to me. I push everyone away for good reason. “How many more times are we going to allow this to happen?

“Leave it the fuck alone.” I snap, although she doesn’t react in the slightest. “There is no ‘we.’” Drawing a deep breath, I let go of any lingering tension in my body. "I assume you heard everything from your desk outside. What am I supposed to do about this unexpected mating?" Nova’s casual appearance doesn’t falter, her posture ramrod straight without effort, whereas I feel so tense that I might break a rib if I move too suddenly.

“Not all mating’s can be planned. Vampires and alike should be open to follow their instincts.” I roll my eyes at Nova’s assessment. She’s never hidden the fact that she hates the Moon Bound Trials and has long since refused to participate. “Aspen doesn’t understand our ways. Nor does she know the logistics of how we use the moon’s power, especially for events like this.”

I grunt and she sighs, “What I’m saying is, you should either explain it to her upfront or give her some exemptions for simply living her life.”

I know all about living the life we choose, and it doesn’t work. The trials ensure suitable matches are made, not rash ones.

“What strikes me as odd is her naivety. If her soul is fully bound to another by the moon, how has she not picked up on feeling his emotions? She must have noticed a change.” I question.

Nova shrugs, a gesture I hate, but rather than snapping, I grind my teeth to the point of cracking. “My guess is that her emotions are constantly raging anyway, she’s probably confusing any changes she’s feeling with adapting to a new lifestyle.”

I sigh. It’s pointless to sit here any longer and guess. Jaxon may have a point in Aspen taking multiple mates, which means I must ensure the trails occur immediately before the Raven returns with silly notions of running away together.

Forcing myself to stand on shaky legs, pain shoots across my chest like an internal slap-- a constant reminder of the one-sided bond I will never be free of. I need to be alone. I deserve to be alone.

Making my way towards the door, I dismiss Nova to her regular duties. I’m done with this conversation. I’m done with just about everything. Instead of obeying as she should, she reaches out to grab ahold of my bicep in an effort to stop me from leaving. I growl at her loudly and flash my fangs in a warning that has her retracting her hand. Smart move.

“Lorcan,” Nova says softly. As if I’m some kind of wilting flower. Fuck my life. “Aspen is an incredible female; she can handle herself. And if not, she will learn. Give her a chance to make her own choices.”

“Look at me,” I snap harshly. “We do not have time for such luxuries, Nova. I need to ensure someone is ready to take over when I fall victim to my pain and am unable to rise again. This is about more than just her.”

The longing and regret weigh heavily on me as I consider the possibilities for Aspen's future. Moon knows, I wish I could give Aspen what Nova is asking. To help her find her soulmate and for their bond to be unbreakable and everlasting. For her to lead our kind with empathy and understanding, uniting, and safeguarding our species with a strong, formidable mate by her side. That’s all I had ever wanted to do with Orianna, but I never got the chance.

Chapter12

Aspen

There’s really no surprise what I did after evading Torsten back at vampire castle. I ran.

Afterall, it’s what I’m best at – fleeing my problems and hiding behind my wolf. Huge white paws hit the mud, speeding me in whichever direction she chooses. The moon upon my fur brings the usual euphoric feeling. I sensed multiple vampire presences trailing me since using a warehouse roof to jump the town’s protective wall, constant shadows over my shoulder that couldn’t keep up. As soon as I shifted, the confusion left my system, and all that was left was bitterness and an unhealthy dose of embarrassment, all of which my wolf only intensified.

I’ve allowed myself to be fooled into thinking I was special. Desired, even. Torsten says the last thing they want is to be king, but I’m not buying it. Even when being forced to compete in the trials, who wouldn’t fight for the key to the kingdom? Especially with the bonus chance of having offspring when your species is struggling to do just that. Forget finding my place amongst the vampires; I was intended to be a breeding mule and nothing more.

I finally stop darting between trees and skid to a halt in front of the exile hut. How did I get back here? I’d been so distracted; I didn’t even realize I’d crossed the shifter blood line marking the edge of the territory. The sun makes its first appearance over the horizon, so my fur retracts, and my bones readjust into my usual form. I could pull on the moon’s lunar face to stay in wolf form, as it is still visible in the reddish glow of the sky, but it would take more concentration than I’m currently capable of.

At least, I guess it’s safe to say the vamps shouldn’t be tailing me anymore. Since I’m here, I might as well find some of my old clothes – especially now that I’m naked for the next twelve-ish hours until night falls again. Taking a second to listen around me, I don’t pick up any shifter heartbeats within range, so my visit should remain discreet.

Pushing the creaky door of the hut open, I quickly deduce that the small space has been trashed. Typical. The contents of the drawers are spewing over, and thick claw marks are gouged deeply into several parts of the stone walls. However, on closer inspection, I realize my belongings are in boxes to the right of the hut, along with the books my mother used to gift me.

The items scattered across the broken wicker chair and the floor are from a male. A strong scent of cedar wood fills my nostrils. The single bed is a ruffled heap of sheets, and the few pieces of crockery lay dirty in the sink. It seems there is a new resident living here already. Does that mean he’s been banished, or did he see an opportunity to escape the pack’s constant strokes and snuggles?

Wolves are overly affectionate, which was probably the hardest part of being exiled. I insisted my mother remain at the shifter camp, unaware of what was blossoming inside of me. I was already disgusted with myself for what I did the first time I shifted. The number of people I killed. The members ofmypack who are no longer around because couldn’t control the beast inside of me. I couldn’t have lived with myself if I had ever hurt my mother. Those nights as a lone teen were the worst, but at least no one else was around to witness them.

The shifter living here, however, is seemingly alone. A fate worse than death in the eyes of some of our kind. No, not ours –theirs, I mentally berate myself. Figuring I don’t have long until this new occupant returns, I busy myself dressing in a pair of faded blue jeans and scruffy white sneakers, which match a white V-neck t-shirt. Then, I leave the hut I’ve spent the majority of my life in. Willingly, this time. Although as my foot hits the first step, I realize I have no idea where to go. Tucking my tail between my legs and returning to the vampires doesn’t sound appealing. Nor does showing my face for Conall and the shifters to scorn at. No, the only place I won’t be ridiculed is beside my mother’s grave.

The sun is shining brightly with the promise of a beautiful day by the time I reach the foot of the hill. I turn my face upwards, basking in the silence within. My turmoil is caused by two creatures of the moon, so in the brief moments I allow myself to enjoy the simple human pleasures of the day, all is quiet. Keeping my senses aware of a possible ambush, I leave the safety of the tree line and stroll up the steep incline.

I think back to life before my first shift. When I lived in the alpha cabin. When my mother would sing to me whilst brushing my hair, hold me through a thunderstorm, and sit on my bed to play card games when the pack went out to hunt. I was always so worried for Conall, eager for the day I could join him. Be a formidable member of the pack and make him proud. Now, all I can hope is that my mother’s soul is flying free and not trapped somewhere waiting for me to sort my life out. She’ll be waiting forever at this rate.

It's still here—the rounded slab of granite with her name etched into the stone. I'm not sure what I anticipated. Graffiti, maybe. Or the stone being shattered, and the surrounding plants crushed. As I kneel in the earth's indentations that seem to cradle my knees perfectly, my fingertips brush against the white flowers, and I furrow my brow. Someone has been tending to her gravesite.

Tears prick my eyes, and suddenly a barrage of words tumble from my lips. I don’t hold back – from being taken to the castle, ending up at the cabin with the vampire trio who kidnapped me, Sawyer’s kiss, Lorcan. How can so much have happened in such a short space of time? I barely recognize my own voice, speaking of the species I despised and confusing notions of desire. Of males who challenge and provoke me, intrigue, and charm me.

Afterward, I feel refreshed and mentally cleansed. It always helps to neatly tuck my thoughts into little compartments of my mind. With my mother’s stoic help, I’ve concluded I need to return to the castle or the cabin at least. Not because Lorcan thinks he can control a future I’d previously given up on, but to understand exactly when I’m saying no to. Despite claiming not to want to be king, at least Torsten plans to compete in the trials and win my hand in marriage, and I need to know why.

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