Page 41 of Unfinished Summer

“We’ll wrap it up in this. Change you, and I’ll take you to the hospital. Past that, I’ve no idea. Okay, kiddo?”

“Thank you.” The words are like grit in my mouth.

“You got it.”

With such care, it brings more tears to my eyes, she cradles the tiny baby in the towel and allows me to rid myself of my bloodstained knickers and jeans and get dressed. She covers it over and hands it to me after I’ve put the clean joggers on.

I hold it to my chest as my stomach convulses and cramps again and again.

Molly bundles me into the car, and I lie down across the back and close my eyes.

If I hope really hard, this might be a dream. I’ll wake up, and I’ll finally be warm again, and my winter hoodie won’t have blood on it. I won’t have just miscarried a baby I didn’t know I was pregnant with.

Cornwall doesn’t have too many big accident and emergency hospitals, so Molly takes me to the local cottage hospital with a maternity unit.

Shock and pain of the last few hours hits hard when Molly collects me from the car with a wheelchair, and I go through the motions as if in a dream.

They take me into an exam room.

Molly holds my hand.

I hand over the towel and what’s inside.

But the bleeding hasn’t stopped.

There’s a problem with the placenta.

I listen, I do as I’m instructed, but I’m not in the room. I’m in the ocean. In the waves. Even though I don’t like the sea.

CHAPTER15

ZENNOR

Then

Molly covered for me with the hospital and my Mum, so I didn’t have to face her until the next day. Tegan didn’t want to speak to me when I finally got home, and while that upset me for a few seconds, there were a few other events that weighed heavier on my heart. Tegan was still in my life, and I’d be able to spend time with her in a few weeks.

My body is sore and achy in a way that feels so alien. I hate it. I feel dirty, even though I’ve washed and scrubbed myself clean. When I close my eyes, all I can see is the blood. That is still the most shocking thing. The blood—not what was in the middle of it all.

The wintery weather provides the perfect mask for my mood and an excuse to hide away, and Mum doesn’t even challenge me when I stay in my room instead of going back to college on Monday.

She makes a few checks on me but leaves me to it, assuming I have a headache or some other mundane ailment. I only escape my room for the necessities of food and visits to the bathroom. By Wednesday, Tegan’s resolve to stay cross at me is wearing thin, and even Mum is looking at me with more concern.

“Zennor, is everything okay? Should I make an appointment? You’ve never been off school for this long?”

“I’m okay. Just a bug.” I focus on the food on my plate and push the peas and chips around with my fork rather than meet their eyes.

“Will you be going back in tomorrow?”

The thought rots in my stomach—in the empty space in my tummy—and spreads through my blood like an infection.

“We’ll see.” I slide my chair back, and the piercing scrape of the wood against the slate floor startles everyone. “I’m going to lie down.” The stairs creak as I retreat to my bedroom, and I can’t help the memories that hit me as I close the door behind me—when Jayce snuck upstairs to wake me—those precious moments together. That’s all we’ll ever be.

The sooner I get the romantic notion out of my head and get over him, the better.

Because all of the pain I feel is down to Jayce Roberts.

On Saturday, I go to see Molly.

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