Page 32 of On The Run

“Hey, Aiden, breathe with me. You’re ok. Nice slow breaths. In and out. Good. That’s good. You’re ok.”

I took deep, gasping breaths, fighting to get all the air in my lungs that I could manage. Max’s soothing voice broke through the clutter in my brain. He was breathing now, deep, slow breaths. I followed his pattern.In and out. In and out.

My lungs finally filled again, and the blackness that started creeping on the edges of my vision eased. Max was watching me, his expression filled with concern and hurt. Fuck. I hurt his feelings. I didn’t mean to do that. But I couldn’t do what he wanted me to. No matter how much I’d love to.

“I’m sorry,” I managed to choke out. My voice was raspy and my throat was bone dry. I swallowed, wetting it a little.

Max tentatively touched me knee, his eyes on me the whole time, probably waiting for me to stop him. I didn’t. “No, I’m sorry. I clearly scared you. That wasn’t my intention.”

“It’s just—” Fuck, the tears started to fill my eyes. What the hell? I angrily wiped them away. Why was I always crying in front of this man? “I-I just can’t, Max. I want to, so fucking bad, but I can’t.”

“Hey, it’s ok.” Max’s voice was gentle, calming. I gasped as his thumb reached out and wiped away a tear. “I realize now how that came out, but I swear I wasn’t asking you out again.”

Relief and disappointment warred within me. This was what I wanted, so why did it hurt to hear he wasn’t trying to ask me on another date?

My thoughts must have been obvious because Max continued, “Trust me, I’d love nothing more than for it to be a date, but I made a promise to you I wouldn’t ask you out again. When you’re ready, I’ll be here. In the meantime, I’d like to still spend time with you as friends.”

I was too raw to completely understand Max’s words.So, he wants to be with me, but he’s waiting for me to be ready?I knew I kept saying it, but this man was too fucking much. I needed to end this. I needed to say no. I needed to—

“Ok.” Damn it.

Max’s eyes widened with surprise, like he was expecting me to say no. So was I. “Ok?”

Say no. Say you can’t do this and leave.“Yeah, ok. I’d like that.” Why wouldn’t my mouth listen to my damn brain? Apparently, I was possessed or something because I kept fucking rambling. “The gardening and movie thing. As friends.”

Max looked hesitant, like he was waiting for me to change my mind again—which, I didn’t blame him. He took an incredibly long amount of time to answer before finally smiling at me, despite the still guarded expression. “As friends.”

I wiped my hand across my still wet eyes. I needed to get a fucking grip. “I’m sorry,” I blurted one more time.

Max squinted at me. “For what?”

“For being such a mess. I don’t know why you’re bothering.”

Max touched my chin, forcing me to meet his eyes. “Hey, don’t say stuff like that. You’re worth it.”

I couldn’t answer him and looked away. Thankfully, he didn’t push it. It was déjà vu of all the conversations I’d had with Pops over the years, all the times I questioned why he’d ruin his whole life for me, and he’d look me right in the eyes and tell me that running with me was the best decision he’d ever made. He’d said he’d make that same decision again and again, without hesitation, because I was worth it. I didn’t believe Pops back then when he said it, and I didn’t believe Max now. I wished I could see what they saw.

Max and I sat in silence for a few minutes. His hand slid closer and closer to mine and I snatched at it like a lifeline, needing that connection.

After a while, I noticed Max’s family stealing glances at us and whispering. “We should probably head back. Your family is watching us.”

Max’s head snapped up, like he was in a trance. He looked to the other side of the yard, his gaze immediately finding his son. Gray had been going non-stop for hours but finally lost steam a little while ago and was now passed out in his grandfather’s lap. Max shook his head, chuckling under his breath.

“Yeah, looks like I should probably get Gray home. He wore himself out.”

I smiled softly. “I wonder if I ever had that much energy.”

Max snorted. “I know, right? I get tired just watching him.”

I gave Max a soft look. “It’s good though. It means he feels safe and loved enough to be himself.”

I wasn’t sure why, but my words seemed to really affect Max. He had to clear his throat and blink fast a few times. I looked away. He’d been really cool about all my breakdowns, so I wouldn’t give him a hard time for getting emotional.

I felt like Max may want to say more, but all he managed to get out was, “Yeah.”

He stood abruptly but turned and held his hand out for me. I accepted his help up without thinking about it. I started to walk back to everyone else. We should get going as well. Pops seemed to be handling himself well, but he got tired easily, and we’d been here way longer than I anticipated. I was surprised how much both of us really needed this.

Max stopped me before I took a step though. I turned toward him, questioning, “Everything ok?”

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