Page 27 of On The Run

Chapter12

Aiden

I staredout the window of my car in the general direction of the café. Tears blurred my vision, making it impossible to see anything clearly, even if I’d been able to focus. I wasn’t sure how I managed to drive here without crashing, but somehow, I made it to the parking lot of my job. I just needed to get out.

I couldn’t leave my car though. I was stuck in place, a boulder on my chest weighing me down and making it impossible to breathe, let alone move.

But I had to. I knew Margie would understand if I called out, but I wouldn’t do it. Especially after the news we got this morning at Pops’s doctor appointment, skipping work just wasn’t an option.

Just a few more minutes and I’d move. It didn’t matter what shit life kept throwing at Pops and me; we kept moving. It was what we were best at.

The welling tears became full-on sobbing as all the emotions I’d been desperately trying to shove down came wrenching to the surface. Fuck, what did we do to the powers that be that we never caught a break? Didn’t Pops deserve something good? Hadn’t he paid enough?

Gasping for breath, I slammed my fist against the dashboard. Once. Twice. Five times. I wasn’t sure. I lost track. All I knew was that I was lucky the airbag didn’t go off. God, I needed to get it together. We couldn’t afford that right now. We needed a car. I’d walk or take the bus to work and school, but Pops needed to limit his exposure to germs, especially now. And I’d be a special kind of awful if I forced Pops to take the fucking bus to treatments because I couldn’t get my temper under control.

My phone was vibrating in my pocket, but I ignored it. It was probably Anna. I was sure she was witnessing my temper tantrum through the windows of the store and wondering why I wasn’t getting my ass in there to help her. I needed to. I knew this. But I was just so fucking tired, and I couldn’t get my legs to move.

I knew I was out of it when I barely reacted to the knocking on the driver’s side window. Usually, that would kick in my fight-or-flight, but fuck, I thought I’d welcome it being the asshole at this point. It would make perfect sense, right? Getting kicked when I was already down?

But when I finally got my head to turn to the left, it wasn’t Giovani Santino standing at my window, but Max Campbell. His face was twisted with concern and pity, and I just didn’t know what to do with that. I was tempted to lock the car doors and then just drive away. I knew it was completely not fair to this perfect man, but I knew he’d try to make me feel better, and I didn’t think I even wanted that right now.

I couldn’t do it, though. I couldn’t turn my back on this beautiful, pure soul. I should. A better person would. I was only going to bring him down with me, tarnish him. My fuck fest of a life would only batter at his shine until he was a shell of the man he was now. Because the last month of lunches with Max Campbell had taught me one thing: I needed to be the one to walk away because he wouldn’t. I did it once, at our date. I wished I were strong enough to do it again, but I wasn’t. I was drawn to his light like a fucking moth, and I’d keep flying to it until we were both burned.

My car was off and I wasn’t turning it back on to roll down the window, so I opened the door, ready to face the music.

Max backed up far enough so I could get out of the car and to give me some space. Five one-hour lunches, and Max already knew not to crowd me.

I smiled weakly at him, and just something about the way he was looking at me caused me to break down again. I couldn’t even imagine what I must look like to him right now, in my holey jeans and café T-shirt, my hair wild and sticking out all over the place from me constantly running my fingers through it as the doctor piled bad news on top of bad news.

I knew my face was a blotchy mess from crying, my lips were dry and chapped, and I couldn’t stop fucking shaking. Max wasn’t looking at me with pity, though. Well, maybe a little, but there was another stronger emotion. One that said he’d do anything to fix my problems and take away the pain. It was a look that was way too deep for the barely there friendship we’d started. One that said Max had grown attached and that I should run now before I ended up hurting him. One that said he had my back no matter what.

And fuck did I want that. I didn’t deserve it, but I wanted it. Just seeing him standing there in his tweed dress pants like some professor straight out of a teen movie, but with the expression of a man ready to storm Normandy to help me fight my battles, broke me. Against my will, the gut-wrenching sobs started again.

Strong arms enveloped me and I let them. It took me a while to realize that it was Max’s arms. He was holding me tight, not letting up even as I was shaking. My face was buried into his hard chest, and I knew I was ruining his fancy dress shirt. Somewhere in the back of my mind, there was a little niggle of panic telling me to at least turn my head, that this shirt probably cost my entire fucking salary at this place, but I ignored that voice.

Max didn’t seem to mind. He did nothing but hold me. He was whispering something, but I couldn’t make it out. It didn’t matter. I didn’t think it was anything but nonsense words meant to soothe me.

And it worked. His voice, calm and deep, rumbled through his chest, and I felt every word reverberating from his body and right through mine. His scent, already a comfort to me, seemed stronger than usual, and I breathed him in, not caring how it looked. I allowed him to fill my senses until eventually, the crying stopped.

The real world hit me all at once, and I remembered I was standing in the middle of the parking lot of my job with a man who was simultaneously a stranger and my best friend, crying uncontrollably while I was just later and later for my shift.

Embarrassment flooded me, and I fought against my instincts to just run. I couldn’t even look Max in the eyes, terrified of what I would see in his face when I did. Instead, I stared at his tear- and snot-stained shirt.

“I ruined your shirt,” I blurted out unnecessarily.Good job, A.You’re a real winner today.

Max looked down, like he was suddenly just realizing it. He shrugged. “I have an extra one in my car.” Of course he did.

I didn’t know what else to say, and I didn’t think he did either. We were both just watching each other, skittish and unsure who should make the next move.

I could practically feel Anna’s eyes on us from the café, and I knew I needed to go. I should have said something to Max. Thank you. I was sorry for being pathetic and sobbing all over you. Anything.

Instead, I said, “I should get back to work.”

Max startled, probably not expecting that.

“Aiden, wait.” He sounded desperate, like he was afraid if I went through the doors, he’d never see me again. It was then that I realized it was a Monday and he wasn’t usually here on Mondays. It was later than his usual time, too, since I came in late because of Pops’s appointment. I didn’t ask him why he was here though. I forced myself to look up and hear what he was trying to tell me.

There was still no pity in Max’s expression and thankfully, no disgust, though that might have been better. But, no, I didn’t think I could handle that. Not right now. He just looked fucking worried, and that broke me anyway.

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