Page 34 of On The Run

I didn’t get the courage to send the text until now, when I was standing in front of the library’s automatic doors. It was a public event, way less personal than just the three of us alone at Max’s house, which I’d managed to put off the last couple of weeks, but it still felt like a huge step for me. It was the first time I initiated any time together. Even if I was working and wouldn’t be able to spend much time with them, it was still major progress on my part.

I finally stopped shaking enough that I could force myself to walk through the library doors. The event was taking place both inside the library and outside in the rambling walking paths and small playground that had been donated a few years back. It was really a big thing for the entire town. They were projecting that hundreds of families were going to show up, and they were really pulling out all the stops.

My phone vibrated as I walked into the main vestibule. I pulled it out as I waved to Mary, one of the librarians at the front desk. She waved back with a smile, but my eyes were already on the phone.

Max: Hi, Aiden. It’s not dumb and we’re not busy. Gray and I were just taking it easy today, and we would love to come to the event. We will see you soon. <3

Oh crap . . . Oh fuck.I reread the text five times to make sure I read it correctly. Max said he was coming.Theywere coming. Oh hell. Why did I invite them? This was probably a bad idea. Was it too late to tell them not to come?

Yes, A. It is. Get your shit together. It’s a public event at the public library, not a fucking wedding. I breathed in deep as I finally listened to my inner voice. I really needed to get a grip. I asked and they were coming, nothing more than that. It was a good first step. Maybe if this went well, I might accept the invitation to movie night next time and not make some excuse. Man, I was pathetic.

I realized I was standing in the middle of the lobby, not moving, and probably looked like a freak. I saw a couple concerned glances flash my way and it was enough to get me going. I had to find Linda, the head librarian, and see where she wanted me, but I needed a minute first. Mary was watching me, so I smiled and jerked my head toward the bathrooms, letting her know I was going to stop there.

The phone rang so she just nodded as she picked it up, her attention already off me. Grateful for the reprieve, I snuck into the men’s bathroom. Luckily, no one was in there, and I gripped the counter in front of the mirrors, trying to get ahold of myself.

I hated that I was like this. I hated that something as simple as inviting a man to a child’s event, for fuck’s sake, nearly sent me into a spiral. I silently cursed my sperm donor. For a long time, I blamed myself. I was the reason he was still after us. If Pops had left on his own, I thoughthewould’ve given up by now. But it’d become an obsession for him, one he couldn’t let go. A couple times as a teenager, when he got close, I tried to run on my own, willing to go back to him if it meant saving my pops. But Pops caught me every time. Finally, I got it in my thick skull that it wasn’t me that was to blame. The sperm donor was a narcissistic fuck and had convinced himself he should get everything he wanted, and he hated that we got away. It wasn’t even about me anymore—or Pops.Hewouldn’t stop until he got us, until he won, and nothing I’d done or would do could change that. So the blame had always been and would always be on him.

I needed to stop thinking abouthim. It’d been years now. I wasn’t dumb enough to believe he stopped looking for us, but the last time he found us changed things. We were protected now in a way we never were before. I’d started to take my life back, and continuing this friendship with Max was the next step. But I knew if Max saw me like this, he’d know something was wrong. He seemed to see me in ways no one else had.

I forced myself to look at the mirror, dreading what I’d see. Ok, not bad. My face seemed a little pale, but hopefully I’d regain my color by the time Max got here. I flipped the water on and used it to scrub my face, the shock of the cold shaking the rest of the nerves. I ran my fingers through my hair. I had it pushed to the side again today, like I usually did. I took a risk, having it back like that, exposing my scar at the cookout. It was a relief when no one mentioned it, though I saw Max’s eyes turn toward it a couple of times.

But here, with so many people, I was way too self-conscious to expose it. It was old now and faded, but it represented one of the worst days of my life, and every time I saw it, it brought me back to that day. The day he almost won. The day he almost killed me . . .

No! He needed to get the fuck out of my head. I took a step away from the mirror so I could get a better look at my clothes. I was dressed casually, in dark blue jeans, no holes in them this time, and the blue, long-sleeve library volunteer T-shirt I was given when I first started here. I had the basic ensemble paired up with some high-top, tie-dyed Chucks. It didn’t match, but I needed some color today for some reason, and they were my favorite.

Sighing, I ran my hands through my hair one last time. It was as good as it was gonna get. Mary was going to be calling in the cavalry if I didn’t leave the bathroom soon, probably thinking I got sick or something. I checked my phone quickly, just to make sure Max didn’t text again, changing his mind. I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or not when I saw that he didn’t.

Alright, I made the decision. It was over now. Time to put on my big-boy pants and deal with it. I pushed open the bathroom door, hoping to make a beeline to Linda’s office to find her.

“Aiden, hold on a second,” Mary called, standing up from her chair and leaning over her computer to get my attention. I bit back a sigh as I walked toward her. Like most of the employees here, Mary was a sweet woman, old enough to be my grandmother, and extremely protective of me. They had all tried to set me up with their granddaughters or nieces at least once, until I finally admitted I was gay. And then they switched to their neighbor’s sons, or their gay nephews, or grandsons without batting an eye. I was running out of excuses as to why I couldn’t date any of these guys, and I really hoped Mary wasn’t about to try and set me up again.

“Hi, Mary,” I said, forcing my tone to be polite and cheery.

“Long time, no see,” she said brightly before sobering up. “How’s your dad?”

I cringed at the word but pushed past it. Max was the only one I told about my aversion to the stupid word, so it wasn’t her fault. “He’s hanging in there,” I replied, hoping she got the hint and didn’t press for details. I avoided telling them about the cancer for months, but after the last news, I had to tell them why I couldn’t volunteer as often anymore. They were so sweet about it, and even sent us a gift basket.

“That’s good, honey. I’ve been keeping him in my prayers every day and asked my prayer group to do the same.”

I smiled slightly and rocked back on my heels, wondering if I could make my getaway. Pops grew up insanely religious, which was his parents’ excuse for turning their backs on him. It was hard for me to respect a religion that would disown someone as good as Pops, and I never knew what to say when someone told me they’d been praying for Pops or me. I knew she meant well, though, so I eventually told her I appreciated it.

I took a step back, about to leave, when Mary called out, “Oh! Before I forget, there was a man looking for you earlier today.”

The hairs on my arms immediately stood up as I went on alert.Please, please, just let it be a patron.“Oh yeah?” I asked, hoping I sounded casual. “Who was it?”

Mary shrugged. “I don’t know. He refused to give me his name. When I asked why he wanted you specifically, he said you volunteered at an event he was at and were very helpful.”

I eased just a little. Could it really be as simple as that? Just some guy I helped at an event? It was possible. People got like that sometimes. They latched onto one of us and refused to get help from anyone else, despite all of us being more than capable.

“What did he look like? Maybe I’ll remember him.”

Mary frowned. “You know, I’m not sure. It’s so strange, but even though I spoke to him for probably five minutes, none of his features really stood out. He was just average, you know? I think he had dark hair, like you. And about your height. Sorry, that’s not helpful.”

Heart pounding, I feigned disinterest. “No worries, Mary. If he really wanted to find me, he’d have left contact information.”

“True. I don’t know, the whole thing struck me as strange. But I couldn’t really tell you why. I’m sure he’s just one of your many secret admirers. All the old men and ladies at this place love you.”

I laughed and shook my head, relaxing just a fraction more. She was right. It was fine. There was no way he’d ever find me here, of all places. I was being paranoid.

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