Page 60 of The Surrogate Omega, Part Two

I shrug. “Worth it.” Ev shakes his head, but he’s smiling at the picture too. I enjoy the moment of quiet, knowing things are about to get crazy very soon.

THIRTY

Lake

Ihold the little bundle in my arms, staring at him in wonder: his little face, all round and puffy, those big blue eyes he already opened a few times, the pouty lips that move in asucking motion whenever he doesn’t have a bottle in his mouth. He isn’t my baby, but I still feel proud. Proud I had a part in creating his life.

The C-section went as planned with no complications. As the parents, Avery and Zoe were there, of course, and I fought tooth and nail to have both Logan and Evander in the room with me. I know I was breaking all kinds of protocol, but I didn’t care. I could not choose only one of them. They both deserved to be there.Besides, they are the only ones who can help me keep my hospital induced anxiety at bay. Now, the pain killers and the little one in my arms are working wonders to keep me out of my own head.

Bodhi Lake Harrington was born at 10:42 am, weighed 8 pounds, 3 ounces, and was 22 inches long. The doctors seemed amazed at how big he was. While the pool isn’t large, there had been a handful of babies born to male Omegas since River first discovered he was pregnant, and all the babies were on the small side. Bodhi shattered the record as the biggest baby by a landslide.

Bodhi begins to get fussy and Zoe jumps to her feet. She hasn’t left the room since the baby was born and they wheeled us out of the OR. “Let’s get you fed, sweetheart, and let Uncle Lake rest a bit.”

She smiles warmly at me as she takes her son from me. My arms feel strangely empty. I feel strangely empty. It’s going to take a while to get used to not being pregnant, and I won’t even have the child living with me as a reminder. I’m glad we have Ro. He’s not an infant but having someone younger around will be good when I start to feel this emptiness.

I smile tiredly at Evander, who’s reading on an e-reader on the couch. Everyone’s been here, of course: Zoe’s parents, my mates and Rory, River and Cooper, Essie, Dad and Joel, even Evander’s dad stopped by. Seeing all the love and acceptance, not just for the newest addition in our crazy family but for me, fills up another part of the hole that formed inside of me when Bodhi was taken out of me.

Right now, it’s just Zoe and Evander here at the hospital. Avery went back with Zoe’s parents to set up the last-minute things in their apartment to bring Bodhi home. Logan went with Ro, much to his dismay, to pick out some new clothes since he begins regular school next week. I know that’s going to be a challenge for him, but after admitting he’s never had new things to start a school year, I hope it will help him feel a little less out of place. It never helped much for me, but I know River started to settle some after we stopped having to shop solely at Goodwill.

I’m healing well, and both Bodhi and I should be going home tomorrow. That also feels strange to me. Bodhi slept last night in the little bassinet next to me, and even though Zoe and Avery took shifts with the baby, he was still there. His presence was a comfort after feeling the weight of him in me for so long.

The bed sags, and I turn to see that Evander is climbing in next to me. “Are you doing ok, sweetheart?”

I force a smile. “I’m fine. Just tired.”

Evander cuddles in closer and I allow him, welcoming his warmth and scent. He kisses my jaw. It’s a PG, family-friendly kiss, but it still causes my core to tighten. It will be a while before I can have any type of penetrative sex, but maybe I can watch Logan and Evander. That may satisfy some of this need building up inside me.

“It’s ok to feel a little adrift, you know.”

I look at him, my eyes wide. “It is?”

“Yes, sweetheart. It must be a strange feeling to carry a child inside you for nine months and then watch someone else parent them as soon as they’re out of you.”

I glance over at Zoe, but all her attention is on the baby. “But I always knew this would happen.”

“Feelings and reality are not the same thing, sweetheart. Just because you know something will happen, doesn’t mean it’s wrong to have negative feelings toward it or feel some sort of loss because of it. It’s ok to feel some loss right now, or whatever else you may be feeling.”

“It’s not like I will never see Bodhi again. He’ll always be part of our lives. And I don’t even want to be his father. We have Ro now. So, I don’t know why I’m feeling like this. I just feel so empty, Evander.”

“Oh, sweetheart. It’s ok. Whatever you’re feeling is ok. We’ll help you through it. And you’re right, Bodhi will always be part of our lives. He’ll grow up knowing his uncle helped him come into this world. Hell, he shares your name.”

I laugh roughly. “That was crazy when they told me that. I never expected it.”

Evander touches my cheek. “I won’t lie, I didn’t either, but it’s so Zoe.”

“What’s so Zoe?” the woman in question asks. The baby must be done with his bottle, and she has him in the bassinet, changing his diaper.

“Giving Bodhi my name as his middle name. You didn’t need to do that. I know my name is strange.”

Zoe waves her hand dismissively. “Honey, Ave and I are hippies, in case you haven’t noticed. You think giving my baby the name Lake would even blip on the radar as strange? Besides, that was never a question. We want Bodhi to grow up knowing how special his uncle is to us, to him. Honestly, we considered giving him Lake as a first name, but Avery thought you would be weirded out by it.”

I’m so touched, I don’t even have words at first. I desperately claw at the blanket, looking for Evander’s hand, needing an anchor. Evander, thankfully, understands and clutches my hand in his. “Zoe . . . thank you.” It’s the only words I can manage.

Her eyes are wet with tears as she comes over and kisses me on the cheek. “Of course, Lake. Thankyou. I don’t think you can even begin to understand how much what you did means to us.”

I don’t, not really. But after seeing little Bodhi, I’m starting to understand. It’s going to be a strange adjustment—not being pregnant and not having the baby’s presence near me all the time—but I know I’ll always have a part in his life, and he has the most amazing parents in the world. I’m so honored that I was able to give them this, and despite the way I’m currently feeling, I know I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

The three of us and Bodhi spend a quiet afternoon together of short naps, bottles, diapers, and bad TV. Shortly after my hospital dinner is served, Logan and Avery arrive at the same time. Avery all but drags Zoe out of the room, insisting they are going to go out to dinner for the last time in a long time alone, and all three of us have to assure her about 100 times that the baby will be fine.

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