Page 27 of The Surrogate Omega, Part Two

I can’t take it anymore. I’ve been waiting for Logan to close that distance, but it’s clear he needs a push. Lake might not be here, and we might be fractured, but I can’t sit on the sidelines and watch my men slip away from me. I can’t do anything about Lake right now, but I sure as shit can help Logan, and I will.

I don’t give him a chance to push me away. I just straddle Logan on my knees, my legs on either side of his, and face him. “Ev,” Logan warns, but I ignore him.

I allow my forehead to touch his and massage my hands through his thick blond hair. I can feel as the tension starts to ease out of Logan’s muscles. I move my hands from his hair, down to his shoulders, and begin to massage them. I allow my head to shift to the side and start to plant open-mouthed kisses along Logan’s jawline and neck. He laughs gruffly and finally wraps his arms around me. Thank gods.

I don’t stop until he says, “I’ve been an asshole.”

I pull away enough so that I can look into those crystal-blue eyes. The ones that are usually so full of life and joy and now show nothing but sadness and exhaustion. Fuck, I’d do anything to take that away from him.

I shrug, trying not to show how much he’s hurt me in the last few weeks. “I was going to say distant, but I’ll accept asshole.”

Laughing for real this time, Logan tightens his arms around me. I relax into his body as he rests his chin on top of my head. “Fuck, I’ve missed you, Ev. I’m so sorry.”

I want to tell him I’ve been right here, but I get what he means. “I missed you too.”

He’s silent for a long time, and I’m content with just holding each other. Eventually, I need to shift positions, but we find one that’s comfortable and cuddle back into each other. “What’re we going to do, Ev? Everything seemed so perfect, and it feels like it’s slipping away before we fully had a grasp on it.”

“I was thinking the same thing earlier. I have no idea how military spouses do this all the time. I feel like it’s not only breaking me, but breaking us, being this far away from Lake with very little contact.”

Logan’s hand slides underneath my sweater and he digs his fingers into my skin. I know he’s going to leave marks and I don’t care. I need all the physical reminders I can get.

“I know,” he replies quietly. “I give them so much credit. This has been hard as hell. I think it’s making everything worse. I know I’ve been pushing you away, Ev, and I’m so fucking sorry.”

I pull back again so I can see his face. Touching him, because I just need that connection, I ask, “Can you talk to me now? What’s going on?”

I feel Logan’s fingers tense, and his nails bite into my skin. “I think it’s just everything. The longer Lake is away, the more physically painful it gets, not to mention psychologically and emotionally. And then there’s this case. I can’t explain why I can’t let it go, but something is telling me I can’t just drop Rory McNally’s files off with the FBI and wash my hands of it. I need to be involved, Ev. I need to be the one to find that kid.”

“Is there anything you can do to keep the FBI from pushing you out?”

Logan lifts one shoulder. “Officially, probably not. Unofficially, I can research anything I want in my spare time.”

I bite on my piercings as I think. “Have you thought about asking Lake? If you can reach him, that is?”

“Yeah. I don’t know enough about his job to know the ramifications of that. If it gets to the point where I’m desperate enough, then yeah, I’ll do whatever I can to get this kid home.” Logan sighs deeply. “I just wish he had a home to come back to.”

A million thoughts are racing through my head, but I can’t speak any of them. It’s way too soon and not the time. I brush it aside. “You know I’m here for you, baby. About anything.” I try to emphasize the word anything and just, oh so subtly, rub my ass against Logan. I don’t even feel a hint of an erection, though that’s understandable with the conversation we’re having.

I think Logan’s going to move on and change the subject to something innocuous, but instead, he goes, “There’s something else that’s been bothering me. I uh, I think you might have an idea of what.”

I’m usually the more tactful one in this relationship, but I can’t find the words to be more subtle about this. “Does this have anything to do with your lack of sex drive lately?”

Logan’s cheeks turn tomato red as he nods reluctantly. I thumb his heated cheek. “You know there’s nothing to be embarrassed about, baby, right? You’ve been through a lot of changes lately, not to mention all this other stress. I’ll never put pressure on you, and neither will Lake.”

I give him this out in case he’s not ready to bring up why he’s struggling. If he wants to blame it on stress, I won’t stop him. “Gods, this is so fucking stupid. It’s almost embarrassing to say this. And yeah, I’m sure the stress and missing Lake has something to do with my lack of sex drive, but ever since I knotted Lake, I’ve been freaked out. I don’t know how to process that.”

I am so fucking proud of him for opening up. Logan is usually one to just let problems roll off his back, so I’m sure it’s unusual to be struggling with this so much.

“Thank you for telling me this, Lo. You know I’m always here for you. Please also know that I speak for Lake and myself that we’ll never pressure you for anything, and that there’s nothing to be ashamed of. You went through a lot of changes in a very short amount of time. It’s completely natural to struggle adjusting to those changes in your body. We both love you so fucking much. Nobody is going to judge you for needing time.”

I feel my cheeks heat as I look away from Logan’s intense stare. It’s time to come clean. “And um, I knew something was going on, so I’ve been doing some research.” I clear my throat and fiddle with the hem of my shirt. I don’t think Logan will be mad, but everything seems so fragile right now, so it’s hard to tell.

Logan’s watching me fidget closely. He doesn’t seem angry, though, just curious.

“What do you mean, research?”

“It started with me trying to find more about the Alpha gene. Lake had pulled up those articles about the possibility of knotting, but he didn’t mention anything about anyone experiencing it yet, and I know you said Cooper hadn’t at the time. It didn’t take me too long to find a group for those who have the gene and to find you are not the only person to knot. It seems to be becoming more and more common every day.”

Logan pulls me close and kisses the top of my head, killing all my nerves. I can see he’s not angry. “Really? How come it hasn’t become public yet? Besides a handful of scientific articles.”

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