Page 36 of Darkest Heart

This was all a show. I had to pretend I wasn’t bothered. I had to bury every real part of me, suffocate all emotion until I couldn’t notice it was there. Everything felt two-dimensional as I walked slowly, surprised at how expressionless I appeared. I felt like a ghost of myself, moving forward with no control over my steps.

Astor’s brows furrowed as he looked from the aniccipere to me, shaking his head. I didn’t talk, for fear of what would happen if I found my voice. Instead, I reached Algor, shrugging when he looked at me.

“You have proven yourself,” he said, seeming just as surprised as me. “Welcome to our ranks.”

The mortal’s emotions had finally detangled from my own, his energy leaving his world for good. A thought floated unwantedly. Did he have a family? Of course he did.

He would have died anyway.

No matter how many times I told myself that, it didn’t make it any easier. I forced away the guilt, smothering it as if it were an enemy. I supposed, right now it was. My mom always told me to be strong, to contain my emotions, and I would feel empowered. Now that I had, I’d never felt so pointless.

Algor spoke through the chaos happening behind me. “You will meetourking tomorrow.” Slurping sounded throughout the night as the aniccipere crunched what was left of his bones and feasted upon his flesh. I wanted to curl up in a ball and die, but I couldn’t. “Then you will lead us to your castle, and I will give you what you desire.”

Astor lifted a brow. Algor continued. “Your father’s death.”

I only nodded, then stepped to the side as Algor sped to join the others. I stared at Astor, a promise of vengeance in it. He shivered, venom pouring from my expression as I slowly bent down, wiping the blood on my hand onto the grass.

His breath hitched as he spoke. “You must have hated that,” he said, with a hint of pity, but mostly rage.

“I’ll enjoy yours much more,” I promised.

***

I strode into the graveyard, a chorus of crickets erupting into the midnight hour. Roots curled up from the ground, like contorted bones, as if they were holding the graves tight in their grip, preventing any from leaving here. Swiveling my head, I climbed my gaze over the ivy-stricken mansion, the stone walls stretching up to the sky.

Windows glowed behind a thick layer of fog, dancing in illusory spirals, captured by an eerie yellow glow from the lights inside. It would be the aniccipere’s feeding time soon, and I had no desire to be inside now that I had some free rein. No matter how monitored that was.

Tilted headstones carved a path into the forest. Peering into the darkness, illuminated only by the subtle white light of the moon, I wondered how far I would make it if I ran now. A snarl sounded from the trees, one of the aniccipere watching me from the shadows, ready in case I tried to run.

Astor waited by the front door, his willowy figure nothing more than a silhouette as I continued to move away, gulping in the much needed fresh air. But even from here, I could still smell the stench of fear following me from the house.

Branches reached over me as I walked under the trees and down a path lined with the dead. Algor had granted me a midnight stroll, giving me the same privileges as Astor. I was finally able to take a bath after weeks of sitting in my own filth, which took four tubs of grimy water to get myself clean. Yet, no matter how hard I’d scrubbed my hands, I could still feel the boy’s blood on them. It clung to the cracks around my nails, specks still crusted under my cuticles.

I pushed the thoughts of the murder to the back of my mind, knowing if I didn’t, I would lose it completely. Peeking at a spot next to a weathered grave, I sped there, settling myself on the ground.

A groan bubbled from my chest as I stretched my legs, the blades of grass grazing my bare skin. I tugged the skirt of the dress Astor had begrudgingly brought for me upon Algor’s request, then slid my eyes up to the full moon. Sebastian’s eyes floated into my mind as I smiled at the indigo canvass, the same color as my soulmates. I missed him, with every ounce of my being. While Algor now trusted me to an extent, he wouldn’t give me power. At least I was no longer being force-fed poison. I tugged the bracelet, similar to the one Sebastian had placed on me when I’d been taken to Sanmorte for the first time. It could only be removed by its owner. Magically infused, it stopped me from reaching my power. But I wasn’t physically weak anymore.

Immortality had gifted me a speedy recovery, from wounds and fractured bones that the mortals enslaved inside would take months to heal from. If they ever had a chance of escaping.

My eyes fell onto a headstone, my mind numbing, no thoughts crossing me as I zoned out. In the distance, screams screeched from the feeding rooms. A tandem of fear snaked down my spine as I reinforced my barrier. I pushed their emotions away, suddenly detached from the rest of the world. The chorus of screams became white noise. I was an observer. Thinking little. I didn’t even feel like I was in my body. The grass and a few wildflowers that had survived under the daily battering of the vampire’s clawed feet was somehow more distant. Suddenly aware that I was in my body, a strange, unnerving sensation, I held my breath. Staring at the cracks in the stone ahead of me, I escaped my mind, a nothingness spreading around me.

Fingers snapped in my ears, jolting me as I moved my glazed eyes up to Astor. “Liv!”

Shaking my head, I blinked three times. My brows pinched downward, quickly becoming aware of the cold chilling my bones, and silence from the feeding rooms. That had been their fastest feed yet.

“I thought you were dead or something.” Astor bent at his knees, crouching to my level. “I was calling you. You were just staring at nothing.”

“I was just taking a minute to myself,” I snapped back, the tension returning to my shoulders. “Algor said I could have some time to myself.”

“We’ve been out here for an hour.”

My lips parted as time no longer appeared linear. I could have sworn it was only a few minutes. I’d always daydreamed, even Astor knew that from when we’d dated. But that had been different. His voice echoed away, the words entering my mind, but I was unable to string together his words and make them make sense. Instead, I stared at the trees, watching the leaves move gently in the breeze. Another snap of his fingers dragged me back into my hellish reality. “Stop it,” he ordered. “I knew this would happen. You shouldn’t have killed him. You’re not like me. The guilt will kill you.”

I stood, feeling the earth cushion under my feet, feeling very unlike myself. As if I wasn’t even myself. “I don’t feel guilty,” I admitted, unable to access memories of the boy. I’d killed him. I knew that. But the rest was a blur, and I was glad for it. “Snap your fingers at me again, and you’ll lose them.”

He grasped my arms, nails biting into my skin. The normal sting didn’t come, but his touch agitated me, crawling goosebumps over my arms. I grabbed his hand, twisting it slowly, watching as he grappled at my fingers. Bones crunched under my palms. My expressionless gaze latched into his as I watched the tendrils of terror searing behind his eyes. He must have screamed, because his mouth was open, but I couldn’t focus on anything else but feeling his pain. Lowering my barrier enough, I let it in, finding relief in someone else’s emotions. The bone in his forearm snapped, and my other hand was on his throat before he could stop me from breaking him more. It was all I wanted, to tear him apart piece by piece. My heart darkened, my soul unrecognizable to my current self as I cracked each bone.

Killing him would enrage the aniccipere, and all I cared about was protecting Sebastian and my friends. Joining them would ensure that. His spine smacked against the side of a crypt as I forced him onto the ground, blood rushing into my ears as his screams pierced through the veil of apathy. “I’m not going to kill him,” I said aloud, my tone devoid of any emotion as I heard a vampire sweep up behind me. “Astor’s just taking a little nap.” I tilted my head, his eyes finding mine in the blackness. “Be lucky you can heal fast,” I said, then slammed his head against the stone crypt, a sinister smile curling my lips as the skull-crunching thud ended his consciousness.

---