Page 82 of Beautiful Desire

Throwing my phone on the mattress next to me, I decide to try to get at least an hour of sleep before I have to go to work, praying I won’t be haunted by ghosts from the past.

* * *

Walking into the office, I lift my coffee cup to my mouth and take a deep pull of the hot liquid. After tossing and turning for over an hour, my body decided to settle down, no doubt from sheer exhaustion. I managed to get an hour of sleep before my nightmares kicked in.

Knowing I wouldn’t be able to sleep any more, I got up and took a shower, texting Bill when I got out to tell him to come pick me up. By the time I finished getting dressed and drinking my first cup of coffee, he was there, not even fazed that I told him to be at my place at five-thirty in the morning.

Making my way through the darkened office space, I unlock my door and plant my ass behind my desk. Firing on the computer, I sign in and begin going over the files for the clients I have meetings with today.

An hour goes by, and I’m finding it hard to keep my eyes open. Needing a break from the screen, I look away, trying to focus on something else in my office, but it’s not working. My eyelids are fighting to stay open, and after barely getting any sleep the past two weeks, it’s no wonder why.

Deciding I should rest my eyes, I fold my arms on top of my desk and lay my head on the makeshift pillow. My eyes close of their own volition as sleep takes me under.

* * *

Elle

It’s been two weeks since I hired Melinda, and it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I’ve been carrying around so much guilt since Lily’s birth – the past year, really – and I finally feel like I can breathe a little easier again.

The decision to do this on my own completely has been the best decision ever. I always felt guilty leaving my daughter at Fabi and Gia’s. Not because I didn’t trust them, but because she’s my child and my responsibility. I knew from the moment I saw those two blue lines appear on the test that I was going to have to do this alone.

As much as I love and appreciate G and all her help, she unknowingly became my crutch. Now I’m able to sleep so much better knowing my daughter is under the same roof as me every night. I’m able to spend more time with her now too since I don’t have to drive to Fabi and Gia’s all the time, although we still go over there every Sunday for dinner.

Thankfully, interactions with Dom have been limited to work hours. Our conversations only occur when he requires me to do something for him, and other than that, we try to stay out of each other’s way.

I am nowhere near ready for him to meet Lily and have that conversation. As far as he and the rest of LM Investments know, I’m still the same single, childless Elle I’ve always been, and I intend to keep it that way for the foreseeable future.

There’s a little extra pep in my step today as I walk into work and make my way over to my desk. If people notice, they aren’t saying anything. Dropping my purse on the ground under my desk, I take a seat and begin going over the schedule for today.

Dom’s – er, Mr. Lombardi’s – nine o’clock is here. Becca shows him to the conference room while I pick up the phone to give my boss a call to inform him. The line rings out without an answer. Hanging up, I try again and get the same thing.

Hmm, that’s odd. Maybe he’s on an important call on his cellphone? Thinking that’s the case, I dig out my cell phone from my bag on the floor. Unlocking it, I go to my messages app and shoot him a text.

Me

Good morning, Mr. Lombardi. Your nine o’clock, Mr. Goodson, is here and waiting for you in the conference room, sir.

Clicking out of the text, I take a look around to make sure no one is watching me or within viewing range before I click on the nanny cam app. Melinda is rocking Lily in her room, getting ready to put her down for her first morning nap. After she places Lily in her crib, I exit out of the camera and check my texts for a reply.

Seeing he never got back to me, I decide to pay him a visit. Knocking gently on his door, I wait for his okay to enter, but I’m met with dead air. Knocking again, I turn the handle, opening the door slowly and peering around the small opening I made.

I come across Dom at his desk, lying on his arms, sound asleep. I quietly make my way into his office and gently close the door behind me. When I reach his desk, I notice all the paperwork and files he has scattered across the desk he’s currently asleep on.

Did he sleep here last night?

As I stand beside his desk, my eyes roam over him, and I take in the dark navy suit he’s wearing today, noting it’s not the dark gray one he had on yesterday. He must have come in early this morning, then.

Standing here looking at him while he sleeps, I notice the way his long, dark eyelashes fall on top of his cheekbones, the subtle pout on his lips, and the gentle rise and fall of his shoulders. Watching Dom sleeping across his desk takes me back to the early days just after Lily was born, when I could sleep just about anywhere.

* * *

I stare down at the beautiful tiny baby girl inside the incubator. There are so many wires coming out in different directions, but the fact that my daughter is here, safe and sound, makes my heart happy beyond words.

Slipping my hand in through the tiny window, I watch as her little fist wraps around my finger while my thumb gently rubs back and forth on the back of her hand. I can’t stop looking at how perfect she is. An overwhelming sense of fear, joy, and gratitude washes over me, and tears build in the back of my eyes.

When I first found out I was pregnant, to say I was shocked is an understatement. I couldn’t understand how it could have happened. But right here, right now, looking down at my little girl, I already can’t imagine my life without her.

I hear the gentle swooshing sound of the NICU door opening, and I turn to see two nurses coming back into the room.

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