Page 77 of Beautiful Desire

“Just watch your back, okay?” I tell him.

“Always do,” he says before hanging up on me.

Grabbing my towel, I drag it down my face, drying off the beads of sweat and heading for a shower. Unable to stop thinking about a teary-eyed Elle, I wonder what happened to cause those tears.

CHAPTER23

ELLE

Sittingon the floor of the playroom, I hold Lily close, breathing in that beautiful baby smell, and it fills me with serotonin, making me feel like my heart could burst with the love my girl has filled it with. For the past fifteen minutes I’ve spent sitting on the floor, I’ve felt Gia’s eyes on me, waiting on me to talk, but right now that’s the last thing I want. What I want is to ignore whatever the hell that is happening out in the real world and stay here in my safe haven. Happy and safe with my girl.

Five more minutes pass, and I can’t take it anymore. Giving in, I raise my eyes to meet Gia’s, almost able to hear every single question rolling through her head.

“So…” she says, trying to get me to talk.

Instead, I sit looking blankly at her with a fake smile of content. When I don’t say anything, she drops her head, letting out a frustrated breath.

“Are you okay?” she asks, pinning me with a look, letting me know I’m not getting out of here without giving her something.

“I’m fine,” I say, my fake smile still intact.

“Well, if you think I’m buying that bullshit, you’ve got another think coming. Something’s up, and you’re not—” Stopping herself mid-sentence, she gasps. “Have you heard from him? Has he changed his mind?”

Confused, I ask, “What? Heard from who? Who are you talking about?”

Her eyes almost bulge out as she whispers, “From Lily’s dad. Is that why you’re so upset?”

Dropping my eyes so I don’t have to look her in the face, I shake my head frantically. “No, I haven’t. This isn’t about him.”

Trying to change the topic, I pick up a soft toy and begin to play with Lily. Those blue eyes look up at me, and right now it’s taking everything I have within me not to crumble completely.

“I know you, E. Something is up. I’m not letting this go.”

This time, I decide to tell her some of what I’m feeling inside.

“I’ve just felt so overwhelmed since starting back to work, spending less time with Lily and, of course, my newboss. It’s all just been a little too much. I thought I was ready, but I’m not so sure anymore.” Taking a deep breath, I try to control my voice as I hear it beginning to break.

“Why don’t you take more time off?” Gia asks tentatively, moving to sit beside me and putting her arm around my shoulder.

Rolling my eyes, I look up at her. “You know why, G. I couldn’t afford any more time off.”

“I could—” she starts, but I stop her before she says any more.

“No, G. You and Fabi have already done more than enough for me. I can’t tell you how much it’s meant to me having you guys help out with Lily. Keeping her overnight for me on days when I’ve worked late or had to go into the office early. But Maria isyournanny. I need to do this on my own. Which is why I looked into hiring someone for Lily.”

I watch as she sits opening and closing her mouth while nothing comes out.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I knew you would have tried talking me out of it. I need to do this. Lily and I need this. Plus, we’ll still come and see you guys all the time. You’re my best friend, G, but I need to do this on my own.”

Tears build at the corner of her eyes before wrapping her arms around me, embracing me in a tight hug. “Remember, I’m always here for you, E. You’ll always have me and Fabi.”

Hearing the crack in her voice sends an overwhelming feeling of gratitude I have toward Gia and Fabi.

When I found out I was pregnant with Lily, G was the first person I called. After putting it off for as long as I could, I eventually called my parents. Gia sat by my side, holding my hand the entire phone call. I knew their reaction wasn’t going to be good, so I was grateful to have her with me. They already considered me a disappointment after not followingtheirdream career, so to have a child out of wedlock and not be in a relationship with the father…well, let’s just say they weren’t exactly thrilled. The day Lily was born, I sent them a photo, and I’ve yet to get a reply from my parents or brother.

Lily was born at thirty-four weeks, coming a little earlier than expected. I ended up having an emergency C- section, and thankfully Gia spent the whole process holding my hand and reassuring me. After spending the first few weeks in the NICU, Lily was discharged on her due date, and she’s been a little fighter since the day she was born. I’m in absolute awe of my little angel.

The door to the playroom opens as Fabi walks in.

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