Page 10 of Beautiful Devil

Well, that’s a first. After all these years we’ve been best friends, I havenevergotten away with that. She’s usually on me the second it comes out of my mouth. And with the state I’m already in, maybe I did want to take that beating.

I blow out a breath; it’s time to tell my best friend how I’m really doing.

“I’m…not doing so good. It comes in spurts. I’ll be doing just fine, and then it hits me. Like last night. I came across the box that had our wedding photo in it and lost it.”

I must have been zoned out, because the next thing I know, Elle is beside me, wiping my face where fresh tears have fallen. There’s a sea of emotions in her eyes when she looks at me – the biggest ones being sympathy and love.

It’s no surprise Elle didn’t like Gallo. She tolerated him for me, and when we announced our engagement, it was the one and only time she told me how she truly felt, agreeing to never bring it up again if that was what I really wanted.

I close my eyes and Elle takes my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

In a much nicer tone, one filled with love, she says, “It’s okay to not be okay, G. Even though I didn’t approve ofhimor think he was worthy ofyou, it doesn’t mean I’m happy with what happened. Please know that youneverhave to hide your true feelings from me because of my own dislike for your husband. Sorry –ex-husband.”

And this is why I love her.

Trying to conceive and all the complications we had along with the possibility of having to go through IVF…Elle was there for me every step of the way. She was my shoulder to cry on, the one who told me everything was going to be alright and how sheknewit would happen when the time was right.

Another tear leaks from my eye as I lean into her, breathing in her flowery scent, and mumble into her hair, “Thank you.”

Pulling away, I try to tell Elle just how grateful I truly am for her.

“You’ve always been there for me no matter what, and I feel bad that I’m the one who’s always leaning on you. Please don’t feel like this friendship is one-sided, because I’malwayshere for you, Elle. A part of me just felt like you would have said ‘I told you so’ when all this shit went down and I'm just not in the right place to hear it. It’s no surprise you weren’t happy when we got married or the fact that we were trying for a baby. Although you would have been just as excited as me if that did happen.”

I look down and wring my hands together, trying to compose myself.

I willnotcry over not getting pregnant. I should be happy that I never had a baby with Gallo and that our child doesn’t have to grow up visiting their father in prison.

Elle gives my shoulder a gentle squeeze. When I glance up at her, there’s a small, sad smile on her face. Iknowshe’s thinking the same thing I am.

“Girl, you should know me better by now and realize I’ll waitat leastanother couple of weeks before I say it.”

We both laugh at that, because it’s true. Elle always knows when I need to hear the hard truths. She’s great at gauging my reactions and emotions.

Once the laughter has subsided, she says, “In all seriousness, Gia, you’ve been through some heavy shit. You literally had your life turned upside-down and had to watch your husband of five years be arrested for a crime that even I didn’t think he was capable of.”

That gets a little smirk out of me.

“You’re allowed to have bad days. Hell, if I were you, I probably wouldn’t get out of bed at all…I’d stay in this apartment and drink myself stupid until I passed out every day just to wake up and do it all over again.”

She would do that, and I would be the one who would have to get her sober and back on the right track. But that’s what you do for the people you love.

“I know, Elle. Iknowit’s okay to feel how I’m feeling. I don’t want to put on a brave face, but what choice do I have? Gallo left me with so much shit that I have to fix and deal with. It all happened so fast. In the blink of an eye, I went from having a normal Tuesday to watching my husband be arrested and contacting a lawyer on my way to the police station just to find out what Gallo was being charged with and arrested for.”

I will never forget that day for the rest of my life. Every time I close my eyes, that scene is on replay in my head, as are the recurring nightmares that I’ve had for the last five months. But I won’t tell Elle that because if I do, she’ll never leave me alone, and Ineedto be alone. I haven’t been alone in my adult life ever. I went from living with my parents to college where I boarded with Elle and stayed living with her until Gallo and I got engaged and moved in together.

No, I need to do this on my own. I need to prove to myself that Icando this. So, I’ll just keep having these nightmares to myself.

I’ve got this.

“It’s okay to lean on people right now, G. You don’t have to do this by yourself.”

Leave it to Elle to always know what I’m thinking. I give her my first genuine smile since she showed up.

“I know, and I really do appreciate it. I’m just thankful the trial is over and done with.”

That’s the only good thing that came out of this whole ordeal. The opposing attorney made a case with the judge about why it was in everyone’s – not just his client’s – best interest to have a speedy trial.

“Okay, love. But I’m always here if you need anything,” Elle says as she gives my hand a final squeeze. Glancing at the clock, she curses when she sees that it’s almost noon and gets all frantic and starts to quickly clean up her mess. “Shit, G. I have to go to work. I’m so sorry. I must have lost track of time. Please don’t hate me!”

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