Page 24 of Hotshot

It was a strange feeling.

* * *

Ella glanced at her phone:30 minutes until team talk. Today they were getting a personal story from assistant coach, Jonas. Everyone was learning so much about each other through these, and Ella couldn’t wait for the next one. She sipped her coffee in the hotel lobby and checked her emails on her phone. She had a couple of new business enquiries to answer, and a message from Aunt Ursula, asking about her trip. Maybe she’d reply now.

She called up WhatsApp and clicked in the reply box, but a presence nearby made her look up. Nat stood beside her, biting her lip.

“Nat, hi! You okay?”

She nodded, looked at the floor, then eventually back to Ella.

“Good.” She toed the carpet with her left trainer. She was already dressed for training, white socks pulled up beyond her ankles. She’d add shinpads, longer socks and boots just before she left for the field. “I was just wondering if you had a minute.”

Ella nodded, then laid her phone on the small wooden table in front of her. “Of course.” Her messages could wait. She gestured to the space on the sofa next to her.

Nat sat down.

“I was talking to Sloane the other day, and she mentioned you used to play football professionally.”

Ella had to concentrate, as Nat’s scouse accent was strong. She was from Bootle.

“I did.” She wasn’t sure where this was going. “An injury cut my career very short.”

“Sorry to hear that.”

Nat glanced over at reception, where a man was checking in with the most luggage Ella had ever seen one person attempt to manoeuvre.

“It’s just… good to know you get the pressures we’re under.”

“I do.” She still had no idea what Nat wanted, but she’d let this play out. Nat clearly wanted to talk.

“I tried to talk to Sloane a bit ago, but she had coffee all down her and seemed distracted. Then I thought of you.”

“Right.”

“It’s just… what Sloane said in her team talk. It’s sort of where I am now.” Nat took a deep breath. Then the words tumbled out of her, as if she’d been storing them up. Which she probably had.

“My parents are supportive of me playing football, to a point. They don’t understand, they’re not football fans – being Pakistani, Mum far prefers cricket – but they want me to be happy. However, I came out just before Rovers signed me, and they’re not happy about that. I thought Mum would be tough because being gay isn’t exactly okay in Asian culture, but Dad’s taken it badly, too.”

She exhaled another long breath, then looked up. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this, but Sloane’s story made me feel like someone might understand. All the other girls here, if they’re gay, their families are supportive. Sometimes it can feel like…” She shrugged, then wiped her palms up and down her face.

Ella’s heart went out to Nat. Parents could be so cruel, especially when they were talking about someone as young as Nat. Ella’s mum had always been supportive, but Sloane had lived that life. She was living proof that things got better, even if you had to make it happen for yourself. It was something you never got over, but you learned to live with.

However, the pain of parental rejection was still raw for Nat. Ella so wanted to make it better instantly. She’d do the best she could.

“My mum always accepted my sexuality and my career choices, so I won’t pretend I’ve experienced what you or Sloane have. But I’ve met plenty of sports stars who’ve had family issues; with sexuality, and dealing with parental expectation. It’s tough, I won’t lie. Especially at the start. But your parents might just be in shock. They may come around. Most do, so remember that. As Sloane would admit, she drew the short straw.” She gave Nat a tight smile. “But you have to remember this is your life, and your dream. You’re already doing better than most. You’ve scored your first goal, and sung your first song. You’re living the dream.”

Nat gave her a genuine smile. “I am. But that’s what makes it hurt a little more. Because why can’t they see that? Why can’t they be happy for me? They think football turned me gay, but I was always gay.” She shook her head. “I want them to come to games, to see me play. I want to make them proud.” When she glanced up, her eyes were shiny.

Ella reached out, took her hand and squeezed. “I’m sure they want to. Give them time. Meanwhile, play the best you can because making yourself, your teammates, and the fans proud is what you’re playing for the most. You can’t control other people’s reactions to anything you do or anything you are. Concentrate on what you can control: being the best footballer and best queer role model possible.”

Nat snorted at that. “I don’t think I’m anyone’s role model.”

“You’d be surprised. You’re not just out and proud, you’re one of a handful of Asian players in the league. You’re making a difference, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Representation matters.” Ella squeezed her fingers again, then let go. “Have you spoken to your parents since you arrived?”

“A couple of times, but they never call me. It’s always the other way around. I’m worried I won’t be able to go home when we get Christmas break.” Her lips quivered as she spoke.

Ella sat forward and held her gaze. “It’s hard to do, but it really is a waiting game. It’s only September. December is a while away. I’m sure they’ll welcome you home by then. Hang in there, and keep doing what you do best. I’m sure they’re following your career, whether they admit it or not.”

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