Page 36 of Ever After

I put my phone down. “No one.”

“If there's no one, why are you smiling like that?”

It’s a pleasant change to smile like this. I haven’t smiled like this in a while. I used to spend all my time with Aiden. Aiden used to always send me good morning text messages. Even after we lived with each other. He would tell me he missed me on a Monday morning, even though we had been with each other the whole weekend. I can’t remember the last time he did it. Why did he stop? Did he stop missing me?

“Aiden, we need to talk about everything.”

“Why? You just keep avoiding my questions.” He folds his arms and pouts.

“What questions?”

“What questions?” He throws his arms up and allows them to fall back down onto his legs. “I asked you where you’ve been. I asked you who has you smiling like that.”

I have to hold in my laugh. It’s funny to see him squirm for a change. “Because those questions have nothing to do with you. Talking about us has everything to do with you and me. So, I’ve been searching online. We can go the cheapest route and file for divorce on our own. We have little to split, so it should be easy,” I say. Aiden walks over to me and grabs my hand and sits right next to me.

“I don’t want this to end, and I know I can be better for you, for us. I made a mistake, and it won’t happen again.”

Ripping my hand away from Aiden’s, I ask, “Did you know the girl you slept with?”

“No. How would I have known her? We were in Hawaii. I didn’t know anyone there but you.”

“Then why did you do that?” Aiden gets up and starts pacing the room.

“I don’t know. I was an idiot. I was drunk and tired of always disappointing you and—”

Cutting him off, I say, “Wait! You were tired of disappointing me, so you thought sleeping with someone else would make things better.”

“No. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“It doesn’t matter how you meant it. Nothing you say will change anything. Why do I bother asking you? I want a divorce. I want it quick, and I don’t want to fight. I deserve that.”

“You need time to think about it. I can give you time. All the time you need.”

“I don’t need time. I need to be free from you so I can have a fresh start. The papers are being filed. They give you a certain amount of time to sign, and if you ignore it, they will grant me the divorce. It’s up to you to decide how you want to handle things. We have nothing to fight over, so I’m guessing they will grant it to me easily.” I look over at Aiden. He is staring off into space.

“You seem so over me already. I don’t understand how you’re not more upset.”

“I’ve been hurting for years. Why do you think I was trying to work on our marriage? I felt so lonely even though I wasn’t alone. I sat up nights crying myself to sleep while you slept right next to me. That’s the worst kind of pain someone can feel while being married. For a while, I have been over it. I was so used to us I didn’t know when to call it quits. I didn’t even know when I was over it until you cheated. Your actions brought light to everything.”

I’ve never said that out loud before. Feeling it is one thing, but saying it aloud is another. I thought that by working on my marriage, I could stop the pain. But it never stopped. I couldn’t come to terms with leaving. Each day I’ve grown to understand my feelings more, even though I’m still so confused. It’s all coming together piece by piece. Having Aiden here is making me realize even more that I’ve been done long before he cheated. Looking at Aiden right now is making me realize I don’t know him at all anymore. I was avoiding those feelings because I didn’t want this marriage to end. I didn’t want it to fail. Everyone has to fail to grow. This is another steppingstone to growth. Aiden will soon understand that.

Aiden walks over to me and sits back down on the couch and says, “Why didn’t you tell me you were hurting?”

“I tried so many times but you only cared about what you cared about. What was I going to do? Wake you up and say,Hey Aiden, I’m crying. Come comfort me!I’d been trying to tell you, and you never gave me the time of day.”

Why is it that guys see nothing until after we call it quits? It makes it so frustrating. We could have avoided all of this if he would’ve just listened.

My eyes are drawn to the kitchen as I get up from my couch and walk over there. I see the flowers that Aiden bought in a vase with water. He set it in the middle of the island. He knows I like real flowers as a decoration. It always brightens my day. I watch Aiden stare out the window as I pour myself a glass of wine.

I give him a few minutes as I sit back down on the couch. “I’ll let you know when I will have the paperwork.”

Aiden turns to me and nods his head before walking out the door. That was typical.

While I finish my wine, I pull Jay’s text up. What do I do with him? I decide to text my friend Lia.

Me: I’m back home. Can you have dinner tonight? Please say yes. I need girl time and I have a lot to tell you.

My phone pings, and it’s Lia. I only know it’s her because she set her messages to a different tone.

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