Page 20 of Ever After

It’s so beautiful here, sitting outside on the patio overlooking the ocean. I wish I could get out of my thoughts and just enjoy this moment…but my mind refuses to let earlier go.

It feels like a lifetime passed when our drinks finally come. I take a big sip and feel the warmth rush down to my stomach. I look over at Jay and break the silence. “Does Lindsee still reach out to you?” I ask. That’s what I think to bring up to break the silence? Nice Lilah, nice.

“Yes, she still does from time to time. It’s her begging for forgiveness and admitting she messed up. She misses me. Blah blah blah. I ignore her most of the time.”

If they have no more ties keeping them together, why hasn't he blocked her out of his life? I wish I could do that with Aiden. We’re still married, though, and have joint everything pretty much. Just more to think about splitting up…

“Why haven’t you blocked her out of your life completely?”

“There was still a lot we have to talk about. Like the house and accounts we had together. I guess by the time that was all done, I was over it and didn’t feel the need to block her out. She doesn’t get to me anymore. Not like she used to.”

The server brings our food and we both ask for another drink. I look over at the sky and the sun is setting and lighting up the sky in pink hues. My body has eased up after what happened earlier. My eyes meet Jay’s and I smile. I don’t know where I would be if he wasn’t here. I hope he doesn’t feel like I’m using him as a rebound. He has said he understands what was happening and knows I need someone. That someone is your best friend, though not the opposite sex and someone you just met.

“I appreciate everything you have done for me. Not sure where I would be or what would have happened if I didn’t meet you. Please don’t feel like a rebound,” I say.

“I know you’re not using me as a rebound. It’s best to have someone there for you when stuff like this happens. I couldn’t have done it without my friends. I know our situation isn’t normal, but who cares? There are no rules of what is right or wrong in this kind of situation.”

Jay makes a good point. There are no set rules. Our situation is out of the norm. That’s what makes this easier.

Having drank a little too much, both of us are wobbly as we walk back to the hotel. Our bodies keep bumping into each other while walking and laughing about nonsense. When we realize we took a wrong turn, halfway down an alley, we stop and stare around, totally confused. I don’t think either of us kept track of how much we drank.

“I can’t believe we didn’t realize we were going the wrong way,” I say. Jay’s as confused as I am. “Have you ever gone this way before? Does it go to the hotel?”

“No, I don’t think so. We should turn around before we get more lost.”

As we turn around, I lose my balance and grab onto Jay’s hand to help steady me. I pulled him in with me against the wall. My back hits the wall and catches my balance. We are now face to face. Jay put his arm above my head, catching himself. I look up at him and he rests his head against his arm. We end up locking eyes. My whole body stiffens and grows warm. Sweat is building up my body. He stares into my eyes. I can’t swallow at this point. Every time I do, my throat is making a huge gulping noise. This is even better than my fantasy I had of him earlier. I feel his warm breath on me. It’s making me even more warm inside. He rests his other hand up against the wall next to my head before moving in a little closer. His forehead is resting against mine now, and my pulse starts to race as tension between us builds. I lift my head a little more to get closer to his lips. He moves his head and places a long kiss on my forehead. Disappointment hits me. I turn my head and say, “We should head back.” We both turn back the way we came and head back to the hotel in silence.

We decidedto do the Lanikai Pillbox Hike in Kailua. Jay has been leaving everything up to me with what we do. I haven't felt like doing much. I’m a little disappointed in myself for not feeling up for it. Hawaii is a beautiful state, and all we’ve done is eat and lounge around. That is enjoyable too, but I had plans and places I wanted to go with Aiden that were ruined. I haven’t felt like doing those plans anymore. After all the food and lounging around we’ve been doing, my body feels awful. I feel bad for Jay, but he keeps saying it’s fine, and he’s enjoying himself.

Since all I’ve done is eat, I wanted to move my body. After a friend recommended this hike to me, I brought it up to Jay, and he was all for it. I’m sure he’s sick of eating and lounging around but he’s too nice to say anything.

We pull over and park once the GPS lets us know we are here. We didn't consider the locals' commute to work when we checked how long it would take to get to the hike. The drive ended up being three hours because of an accident.

I slide out of the car and feel the heat beating down on my skin.

“Are you ready?” Jay asks.

I nod my head. It’s already hot, and I’m dreading my decision to go on this hike. Jay seemed into it though, and he’s been so nice to me, letting me choose everything we do and places we eat. I decide to just stop being a baby and go.

After about ten minutes of silence Jay asks, “Do you hike a lot?”

I’ve been trying to stay quiet so he won’t hear my huffing and puffing, especially since we are going uphill; I sound like a smoker trying to catch a breath on a regular day.

“I used too,” I say with a shallow breath. “I used to be more active but the older I got the less active I became. It’s a shame because I’m feeling it now.” I stop in my tracks and take a huge breath of air. “This is embarrassing.”

“It’s okay. We can take as many breaks as you need, seriously.”

“No, I’m not embarrassed of stopping. I’m embarrassed that I have to stop. My endurance is horrible. I need to get back into shape. This hike is only thirty minutes up and thirty minutes down. We’ve only walked ten minutes so far.”

Jay reaches out for my hand and pulls me along. “Will this help?”

“Yes, but won’t you be embarrassed you have to drag me up here?”

“I don’t care what people think.”

My small hand feels like a baby dolls hand in his. It’s actually comforting how small I am compared to him—it’s like he can always protect me.

After what feels like another twenty minutes of us hiking, I check my phone and realize it’s only been five. I ask Jay, “Do you do anything active? I mean, clearly you must. You’re in great shape.” My cheeks grow warm and I shake my head at my awkwardness.

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