Page 5 of Ever After

“It’s rude. You’re ignoring me. Don’t you see everyone else around us talking and laughing with each other?”

He looks around. “I don’t care what other people are doing,” he says with a shrug of his shoulders.

“Shouldn’t you care about how it makes me feel? Itisrude. You’re not even present with me, you’re present with your phone.”

He stays silent, chugs his beer, pulls out his wallet, and throws a twenty on the table. Then, he glances around as if he’s looking for the exit.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going back to the hotel. I don’t want to argue with you.”

He stands and I immediately start to regret everything.

“You are going to ruin this trip for us. We are supposed to be working on our marriage,” I say, while looking up at him. He’s trying to leave me. This is embarrassing.

“That’s why I’m walking away. I don’t want to ruin this.”

“By walking away, you are ruining it.”

“I thought I was ruining it by being on my phone. You need to make up your mind.” He turns his back toward me and walks out without another word.

I don't know what to say. He walks away as I watch, defeated. I want to burst into tears. Why do I keep putting myself through this? I keep trying over and over. I love him a lot and can’t picture my life without him. Our marriage needs to go back to how it was when we first met. We were so happy. He always wanted to be with me. I always got butterflies when he would text me to go out somewhere. I sometimes still get butterflies, but not the giddy kind, more like an anxiety kind. Where you feel like something is going to explode because it usually does. Maybe that’s PTSD from all our fights. Who knows at this point? I don’t get where it all went wrong. I know we’ve been busy. All marriages are busy, though. Why can’t we seem to work it out?

The waiter brings my shot and asks, “Do you think he will want another beer?”

“No. He had to go back to the hotel for work.” The waiter nods before walking away.

Now I’m lying to not look so stupid for sitting here alone. Everyone looks happy as I look around. I wish I had that. I try so hard to hold my tears back. It’s only nine o’clock now, and I would rather not go back to the hotel. The hotel is about twenty minutes away if I walk. I decide to just find a beach to walk on so I can cool off. I ask the waiter for the check and finish my drink. A little tipsy. It kind of helped take the edge off after everything, but this all still sucks.

Once I’m done paying, I walk toward the ocean. It’s sad I’m doing this all alone. Hawaii is so beautiful. This is the first time we've been here, and we're both alone. Taking off my shoes and digging my toes into the sand, I sit here and watch the waves come up, then recede. The tension starts to be swept away with every wave that rolls back down. There is something relaxing about being alone right now. I should have just come here by myself.

Aiden pops back into my head. I can picture him sitting in the hotel room on his phone. I wonder what he even thinks. Does he feel sorry? Does he feel bad? He has to feel something. We are having a hard time, but he is a human that has feelings—at least he used to. Sometimes it seems like he has no feelings anymore. He at least agreed to go to therapy with me to work on our marriage. I was surprised, and it gave me a bit of hope. When he agreed to go to Hawaii, I was even more hopeful. He really wants it to work. But then again, who would turn down Hawaii? His actions are all over the place. He goes to therapy, comes on this trip to Hawaii. He answered some questions when we started at dinner. It was his idea to get me a pearl. He shows he cares and then he doesn’t. That’s what is making this so much harder. It’s been so difficult to decide to leave because every time I feel like it’s over, he shows up. Then it’s good for a little while, and then he goes back to being so soulless. It’s a roller coaster. A constant up and down, up and down. I’m surprised I don’t have vertigo.

Present

I finally get outside.Thankfully, I didn’t run into her walking naked through the hotel. God, I hope she was as mortified as I am by this entire situation. Looking around, I realize I didn’t have much of a plan prior to storming off—I didn’t exactly have much time. My phone is still charged, thankfully, and I glance at it to check the time. Almost midnight. My limbs are literally shaking from the adrenaline running through me. I walk along the sidewalk, trying to find a place to go. I have no idea how to feel. This is the last thing I ever expected from Aiden. Yeah, he can be a straight-up asshole sometimes, but I never expectedthis. I’ve always trusted him. He is never flirty around other women, never checks them out. Sure, he briefly looks, but doesn’t everyone? It doesn’t mean they are checking them out all the time. Even if he was, it was never to a level that made me uncomfortable. He doesn’t even talk to other women. I know some of my friends have boyfriends and husbands that talk to women regularly. He’s never done that. I don’t understand what happened tonight. What made him do this? We have been through much worse, and I never thought he would go off to sleep with someone else. He usually stays home and blows off the steam there. Has he always been like this, and I was too oblivious to notice? I don't know what to think.

This has to be what it feels like to be in shock.

I’m surprised I’m not crying. But it feels like my emotions are all over the place. My attention is drawn to the music up ahead, and I walk toward it. I take a couple steps down and enter a bar. My body is suddenly hit with vibration from the live band playing. It's not overly loud but enough to counteract the adrenaline running through me. Many people are dancing and sitting in the back closer to the band. There is a bar in front of me where a few people are sitting. I bypass the bar and head for the bathroom. I don’t look that bad in the mirror. My skin glows from the humidity. I grab a tissue and wipe the mascara under my eyes that has now caked to my skin. Returning to the bar, I take a seat. The corner is taken by another guy, so I can’t sit there. Opting to slide onto a stool a few seats down, I do my best to turn my frown into a smile when the bartender asks what he can get for me.

“Shot of tequila and a mojito, please,” I say, needing to feel the comfort of my go-to order.

As I sit and focus more on the music, I notice it’s more of a county-rock vibe. Hopefully Aiden won't find me, if he's even looking for me. The bartender sets my order down in front of me. Handing him my card I ask, “Can you open a tab for me?” He reaches for my card as he gives me a smile and walks to the cash register.

I guess the guy next to me is alone, too. No one sits by him. I don’t dare look over and attempt to give off the worst vibes I have ever given. I’m in no position to talk to anyone. Through the corner of my eye, I notice him staring over at me…unless I’m seeing things wrong through my peripheral vision. My eyes are all cloudy from the tears.

What am I going to do? I’m supposed to be here for an entire week. I’m going to have to get another room. The waiter comes back, and I ask for another shot. God, I hope I control myself or I’ll end up sleeping on the streets. Right away, I take another shot. I still feel like this guy is staring at me. I finally look over as he gets up and walks away. Guess he’s leaving. Sliding off my chair, I move over to the corner chair and position my back to sit up against the wall. I sip my drink, still wondering what the hell I’m going to do. I pull my phone out and look for other hotels to go to.

I lose all concentration with everything around me. I hear someone pull out the chair next to me and sit. My heart drops. This better not be Aiden. I don’t want to look up. I’m getting the feeling of the room spinning.Please don’t be Aiden, please don’t be Aiden.

The guy who was sitting here before is the one I look up at. “I’m so sorry I took your chair.” Sliding off my chair, I say, “I thought you left.” Heat rises to my cheeks and I like an idiot, but I’m thankful it wasn’t Aiden.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to move. I’ll sit here.” He points to the chair next to me.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

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