Page 3 of Ever After

He has a point. The therapist said that. But his answer still stings. Does he not feel anything? Sometimes I wish he would end the marriage himself and save us both the grief. I don’t even feel like he loves me and wonder why he sticks around.

I was twenty when we met. A mutual friend had us over for a party. He was so cute. I kept staring at him, hoping he would come over and talk to me. I was hesitant to make the first move. After he caught me staring multiple times, he finally came over to talk to me. Throughout the night, he made sure to always be by my side. Brushing his shoulders against mine, always making sure I had a full cup to drink, offering his seat to me. It was the little things that made me feel giddy inside. He didn’t want anyone else to talk to me, so he stuck by me. He was so adamant about us dating. I thought it was the liquor talking. We stayed up all night just talking and laughing. Once the sun came up, we knew we should part ways and get some sleep. It was hard for us to leave one another. Aiden asked for my number, but I didn’t give it to him because I was trying to play hard to get. So young and naïve, I thought that was what men wanted. When he hugged me goodbye, I felt so safe and small in his arms. Like nothing could hurt me with the strength of his arms wrapped around me. It was a feeling unlike any I’ve ever had since.

I remember going home that morning so tired. I got to my room, threw off my clothes, went straight to my bed, and curled up into my blankets. As I was about to fall asleep, I heard a ping on my phone. I rolled over to get it off my nightstand, and there was a text message from a number I didn’t know.

Unknown: Goodnight. When will we see each other again?

My face lit up reading it. It was Aiden. I couldn’t wait until the next time I could see his defined arms, bright eyes, and earnest expression. Every time I saw him after that, my stomach would flutter with butterflies.

The good times make me want to fight for us. I know we can get back to that place. I’ve seen so many marriages end too soon because when things get tough, no one wants to work it out. They call it quits before even trying to see if thingscouldwork out. Therapy is expensive. I can see why couples would try to work it out themselves before seeing a professional. Some even feel ashamed to go. I never felt that way. Aiden did. That’s why it took us so long to see someone. He never thought we needed it. When he finally agreed to go, I was dumbstruck. I hurried and made an appointment that night before he changed his mind.

“Are you going to answer the question?” he asks, interrupting my thoughts.

“Yes, I’m not sure though. I know that it’s a lot harder than I ever imagined.”

I stop what I’m saying as the server comes over with our drinks and we order our food. Once she’s gone, I go on to the next question.

“How am I doing as a wife?”

“Okay, I guess. You could give me more space.”

My eyes go wide as I look at him. Did he really say that? “Are you fucking serious? This is one reason we are having problems. We give each othertoo muchspace. We are roommates at this point. Do you not see this? Does this not bother you?” He looks at me, shocked, as if he said nothing wrong.

“You don't have to get pissed off.”

“Pissed off? I don’t understand. Do you even know why we took this trip?” I shake my head, feeling so dumbfounded.

“Yes, to work on our marriage.”

“Why would you say you need more space? Haven’t I been giving you enough space already? We hardly talk, we barely do anything as a couple anymore. You have your friends and I have mine. We both live separate lives. That isn't how a marriage should be.”

He stays quiet.

“Do you not understand where I’m coming from?” I ask.

“Yes, I do,” he says.

I don't know if he understands or if he is trying to get me to drop it. I debate if I should tell him what he could improve on, but I don’t want this argument to drag out. There is an easier question that I scroll down to, hoping this will lighten the mood.

“What did you find most attractive about me when we first met?”

“Your eyes.”

I smile.

“My eyes. Why?”

“They are big, brown, and beautiful.”

My cheeks heat up. I wiggle around in my chair. After all these years, he still makes me bashful.

“What did you like about me?” he asks.

“I liked your arms.” I laugh. Aiden gives me a questionable look. “What? They’re muscular. I like muscular arms. But not any kind of muscular arms. The arms that are big and buff. Not muscular like chiseled out.”

We laugh together. This is what I miss. Being playful with him. The server comes by and sets our food down. I order another drink and Aiden gets another beer. The alcohol is loosening both of us up. We haven’t drank with each other in a while. When we drink together, we both get aroused. I’m wondering if that will happen. I don’t even remember the last time we had good sex. It’s always rushed or uncomfortable. We’re not as comfortable with each other as we used to be. It makes me sad because I’ve noticed myself hiding from him.

“What’s the next question?” he asks.

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