Page 48 of Deceiver

I let out a low growl and then exhale loudly. “Say what you want to say so I can go home.”

“Didn’t mean to hurt you, Bonnie.”

Those words send a little jolt through me, and I have no doubt he notices as I jerk slightly in front of him. Every single time I close my eyes, I relive that moment. I don’t blame him for that– after all, he wasn’t even awake–but it made me see something in him that I was avoiding for so long. He’s damaged, the kind of broken there might not be a fix for. I don’t know if I want to spend the rest of my life attempting to repair him.

“I know you didn’t mean to,” I say, my eyes avoiding his, “butyou did.”

His eyes flash. “Lost a brother, it was a hard night. Never had somethin’ like that happen before, and it won’t happen again.”

“You can’t be sure of that,” I point out. “You can’t promise that when you fall asleep, your demons won’t raise their ugly heads. I could have died, Western. Do you understand that?”

“Bonnie ...”

“Look, you and I both know that you don’t want anything from me, so what does it matter if I step away from this? You have made it clear how you feel. You’ve been making it clear since that stupid article came out. You don’t want me in your life, so why are you here?”

He doesn’t answer me, his intense gaze just remains firmly fixed on my face.

Western doesn’t have to speak for you to be able to read his thoughts. He has that gift. He knows that I know what he’s thinking. He’s thinking that he isn’t going to back away from this any time soon, and that he’s not going to just let me walk away. There is a determination in his eyes that tells me I’m not going anywhere. I can’t have that. Not when he’s very likely the person causing so much chaos in this town.

I could confront him about it, but then all my chances of digging deeper would cave.

I need to keep what I know to myself ... for now.

“I’m here to get information for you,” I finally say, when his silence lingers. “If I didn’t offer my services up, you wouldn’t be sitting here right now. Let’s stop playing games and accept reality. We’re done here. You and I both know it.”

“No,” he says, pushing back his stool and standing, “we’re not done. We’ll be done when I say we’re fuckin’ done.”

With that, he turns and walks through the crowd, disappearing.

God damn him.

I want to scream in frustration. The nerve of him, to think he can just choose how my life goes. Why does he always get to have the last say? Why does he get to make the choices? I’m the one he didn’t want a single thing to do with only weeks ago, and now that I’m changing my mind, he has decided that he wants to what? Try it again? There is no way we can make this work, even if deep down in my heart that thought hurts.

I have to think about the kids in the town that he could be involved in making go missing.

I have to consider that the man I thought I knew was exactly who he said he was all along. He warned me, he told me he wasn’t a good person, and I refused to believe it. Can I truly blame him for something he was always scarily honest about? Or do I blame my own determination for chasing him down even when he didn’t want it.

This is exactly what I was warned would happen.

Angrily, I finish up my shift and head home.

I want to sleep.

I want all of this to go away.

Maybe Georgina was right, maybe I should just step away from all of this while I still can. Bill has his little article out now; the town will believe him and things will go back to normal. They don’t need me to fight their little war, what they need is for me to disappear so I’m no longer tangled amongst this mess.

Yet, even thinking that, I feel everything inside me pushing against the idea.

Leaving means never getting answers for those boys.

Leaving means that whatever sick illegal business that has been running through this town for decades will continue.

Leaving means I’m taking the easy way out.

I’ve never been one to take the easy way.

I’m not about to start now.

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