Page 3 of A Hero in Hiding

August also seems to be gazing at the robbers in mild fascination. “Um… yeah… sure. Just… um… Valerie, are we done here?”

Valerie stares down at the robbers. “It… it took you longer to put your suit on.”

“I know,” August says as he tries to pick it out of his ass crack slyly. I would like to volunteer to help with that.

“You… ugly little bitch…” the male robber says.

“Ooh. August, this robber likes me and wants me to crush his heart,” I say as I hold my hand out, but August claps both hands over it before I can.

“Nope. No… let’s… I don’t want blood on my shoes, you know? We can’t go to the bookstore with blood on our shoes, now can we?”

I debate that then shrug because what if Zacia got blood on her shirt? Her little innocent eyes shouldn’t be subjected to such horrors. “True. Fish Reporter, drive us,” I demand as I search for him, but he’s long gone. Huh. Weird. “Valerie, we need your car.”

“You’re not leaving yet! August has to go in and make sure everyone is safe and pose for pictures,” Valerie says as she taps her foot like she’s impatient about this.

I stare at her as she glowers back, and suddenly, we’re in a death staring match with each other. Which is hilarious because I’m positive I would win yet she’s scary good at it. God, why’s she so evil?

And then she caves. How weak of her. “I suppose you both have worked very hard this week, so the police can handle it just this once,” she says.

I smile and step on the robber on the way to the car. He grunts but says little else during my travels. I even pause right when I’m on the middle of his back for a picture—see? I’m getting the hang of this hero stuff. When I reach Valerie’s car, August gets in the driver’s seat and the crowd parts for us.

“Good job,” August says.

“Thank you!”

“It was… impressive. Like… really impressive.”

“Did it make you horny?”

“Umm… I don’t know about that, but I sure was impressed,” August says while giving me the sweetest smile. How the hell I ever ended up lucky enough to be with the literal nicest man in the world is beyond me. “Okay… it made me a little horny. I just… thought it’d sound weird.”

“God, you’re hot,” I whisper.

“Thank you. You are very hot as well.”

I grin at him as we drive off, leaving the scene of the crime as we find our way over to the largest bookstore in the area. When I met August, he only read a little, so I’ve been trying to show him the wonders of books by buying him every book he even feigns interest in. At the speed he’s reading them, he’ll be done with the stack by the time he’s a hundred and fifteen.

The moment we enter, there is immediate chaos and far too much “It’s Chronobender!” and even a “He can Chronobendme over a table.”

“I’ll fuck you up, whoever said that,” I growl, mostly because I’m irritated I didn’t come up with it myself. I mean come on, I am the man with the jokes; how dare they try to one-up me?

I usher August up the escalator to the top where the fantasy books reside. “What do you think about the series you started?”

“I like it!” he declares.

My eyes snap over to his. “You do? I’m so excited I finally have someone to talk to about it. What’s your favorite part so far? Is it the sexy side character? I love how sassy he is.”

“I… like the cat,” he says.

I stare at him. “I don’t… I don’t remember there being a cat.” How could I forget a detail like this? I have a near perfect memory when it comes to every book I’ve ever read… so how could my brain deceive me like this?

“Yeah, when the main character like… walks into town and the… cat, you know… scampers off.”

“Are you on page one?” I ask in disbelief.

“I mean… maybe… page two, but you know?”

I gape at this man who I have given my heart and soul to. I have ripped my shriveled-up heart out of my chest and passed it over to him, and then he does this to me? “I donotknow. A-Augustine.”

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