Page 115 of A Dose of Pretty Poison

But that’s the thing. It wasn’tsolelythe result of his bad choices. A tragic accident, yes. And from Hayes’s explanation of what happened, a little his own fault. But it doesn’t lie entirely on him.

The pressure is intense as it pushes down on me, and I’m starting to realize why Hayes and Mali were so insistent on this being a bad idea.

It gets slightly easier as we pivot away from his death and onto happier stories—like how he snuck his mini horse into his bedroom when he was ten, only to freak out when it started to shit all over the place. I tell her about how we met because I accidentally tripped at a club and spilled my drink all down the front of him. I felt horrible, but he just laughed it off—and then proceeded to buy the shirt off the guy next to him for a hundred times what it was worth and buy me a new drink right after.

“Oh my goodness,” she laughs. “That sounds just like him.”

“He was very gentlemanly,” I say, smiling at the memory.

“That doesn’t surprise me. You were so special to him. Mali, too, but especially you.”

My brows furrow as I take a sip of my water. “I’m not sure I know what you mean.”

She gives me a small smile. “It’s just a mother’s intuition. He liked Mali. He was always smiling when he talked about her. But when he talked about you, I saw a look in his eyes that I’d never seen on him before. Like he was mesmerized by every little thing about you. He really loved you, Laiken.”

My stomach twists, and there’s a pain in my chest as her words set in.Hayes was right.All this time, he kept telling me that Monty wanted me, and I didn’t believe him. And what Mali told me that night, about how he only hung out with her when I was around, it makes so much sense now.

A whole range of emotions flood through me at once. I’m livid for my best friend, because that means hewasusing her to have an excuse to stay around me. What better way to ensure seeing me than dating my best friend, right? But I’m also full of regret. I can’t count the number of arguments Hayes and I had over this. How many times I called him delusional for thinking Monty looked at me as anything more than a friend. Meanwhile, he was spot on.

All this time he thought it was him that doesn’t deserve me, but really, it’s me who doesn’t deserve him.

I GIVE MRS. ROLLINSa hug, promising that it won’t be too long before I’m back, but that’s a promise I’m not sure I can keep. Learning that Hayes was right about Monty all along, and that hewasin fact using my best friend, it doesn’t sit well with me. I’m seeing him in a whole new light, and it’s not a good look on him.

I walk out to my car and as I get in, I send a text to Hayes.

Hey. Leaving lunch. Just want you to know that I love you and I’m sorry about earlier. We’ll talk tonight.

Putting my phone down, I start my car and go to pull out, when it vibrates. I smile to myself, thinking it’s Hayes, but as I open it, I realize it’s from a blocked number.

How well do you really know the man you’re married to, Mrs. Wilder?

There’s an attachment with it—a voice recording—and when I press play, my entire body goes cold.

“You think I won’t do my own dirty work? That I won’t enjoy slamming your face repeatedly against the curb? You’re not the only one with connections, Rollins. I’ll strangle you and make it look like you fucked off to an island somewhere with a man named Ramon.”

I can feel as my heart cracks in half. The Hayes that I know isnotthe same one in that recording, but it’s his voice. There’s no denying that. And the little voice in my head, reminding me of all the rage he felt toward Monty—it’s louder than ever.

If I thought I was lost before, I don’t even know what to call this. Hayes is my rock. The love of my existence. And now I don’t know where to go from here. They don’t give you a manual on what to do when there’s a chance your husband could be a murderer. But when another text comes in, I realize all that might not be up to me.

That’s only a taste of the things I have.

My thumbs fly across my phone as I type out my response.

Who are you and what do you want?

I want him to pay for what he did. Check the envelope under your seat for further instructions.

Haveyou ever watched someone you love spiral out of control? Felt the desperation of wanting to save them but knowing there’s nothing you can do? It’s a special kind of hell to spend every day hoping and praying that they’ll pull through this, but not knowing for sure that they will.

Laiken going to have lunch with Monty’s mother is a move I never saw coming. I know she’s been having a rough time, but it feels reckless—and not to mention self-mutilating. The guilt is already destroying her. Does she really need to make it worse by spending the day there?

But the message this morning was clear.

She was going, whether I liked it or not.

Thankfully, there’s nothing like a little manual labor to work out your frustrations.

I grab a piece of drywall from the pile and stand it up, hauling it over to the wall it needs to go on. As I line it up and start to hammer the nail into it, I think about what Laiken is doing right now.

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