Nigel arched his back even more. “Better?”
Why did he keep asking me that? I stepped forward to pull him off. But then stepped back. I didn’t want to get anywhere near his huge penis. I put my hand out to block it from view, but I could still see the tip. “Nigel, I swear to God, if you don’t get off the counter and put on some clothes, I’m never speaking to you again.”
“Is it my penis? I know it’s big. Sometimes it’s a hindrance.”
“It’s the fact that you’re nude on my kitchen counter.”
“But Brooklyn did it last night…”
“Shush!” Did he not see Jacob right there? “There’s a child in the house.”
“And he’s nude like me right now. Mr. Jacob, come join me on the counter while your mother makes us our morning batch of cuppycakes.”
“Cuppycakes!” Jacob yelled.
Brooklyn held Jacob tighter so he couldn’t move.
I walked around the counter and found Nigel’s discarded lederhosen. “Get dressed, Nigel.” I tossed it at him. “Now.”
He sighed. “But it’s not fair. I’m just trying to be the cutest boy in the room.” He stuck his tongue out. But he wasn’t looking at me. He was looking over my shoulder.
I turned around to see Jacob sticking his tongue out too, even though his eyes were covered.
I suddenly had two children instead of none.
“Now, Nigel.”
Nigel hopped off the counter and took his time pulling his outfit back on. But now I was wondering where his dick fit in that lederhosen.Why the hell am I thinking about that?
I turned away from him. “I’m so sorry,” I said to Brooklyn. I grabbed Jacob out of her arms and plopped him on the island far away from where Nigel’s bare ass had been. I needed 12 liters of disinfectant. “Jacob is allowed to be naked. Because he’s four. And adorable.”
“Yes, we’re both adorable little boys.” Nigel scrambled up onto the counter.
“I think you’re regressing.”
“No. You’re wrong. I just wanted my nude portrait. Actually, I’d prefer a fresco. It would be perfect in my new bathroom. We can do it later. While I’m bathing.”
“Absolutely not.”
“Right.” He winked at me.
Why did he think ‘absolutely not’ was code for ‘yes’?
“What’s that?” Jacob asked.
I assumed he was pointing at the nude portrait of his mother. But there was something even more shocking down here than that. There was a huge wooden door in the middle of the living room wall. Where the TV had been hanging last night.
“Nigel.” I turned back to him. I had so many questions. How? When? There hadn’t been any noise. It wasn’t freaking possible that he’d done this in one night.
“Do you like it? Don’t worry, I’m the only one with a key. Only me. And before you ask…no you’re not allowed to have one. I need my privacy.”
“You just watched Brooklyn and me last night on the security feed.”
“For your protection. Don’t you feel protected and taken care of?”
“I feel a little violated, honestly.”
“Oh.” He raised his eyebrows at me.