Page 48 of I Hear You

“Yeah, Henry, why don’t you go say hi?” Emmett says with a cocky grin.

Asshole.

Mom and Emmett get up from the booth and head toward the register. I stay where I am, still stuck to these stupid vinyl seats. The seats aren’t stupid, really, and I bet Madison loves them. She was probably giddy when she found this place. I inhale a deep breath, hoping it will help my currently tiny balls inflate and give me even an ounce of courage. I exhale and walk toward her.

“Hi,” I say, taking a seat on the stool next to her.

She startles just a little before turning to me. That’s when I notice her phone is in her lap and she has tears running down her face. She looks at me with so much pain, but I can also see anger and maybe pity? I have no idea what she’s thinking or feeling and it’s killing me. My stomach turns and the food I just ate threatens to come back up.

“Mads, I am so, so sorry,” I say, because it’s the only thing I can think to say.

She stares at me for a long time, tears still dropping silently. When she speaks, it’s only a few words, but those few words feel like a punch to the stomach.

“Fuck you, Ender.”

Now I really am going to be sick.

She gets up and rushes out of the diner before I can even react. My current reaction is to just sit here, jaw on the floor, feeling as if time just stopped. The world around me is silent and everything is out of focus.

She knows. She knows who I am and I am so completely fucked. After the initial shock wears off and my brain starts functioning again, I get off my ass and start after her. When I make it outside, I don’t see her at first. When I spot her, she’s several blocks away already. Is she actuallyrunningaway from me? Damn, she’s fast.

I jog after her, calling her name in the middle of the street on a Saturday afternoon. I must look like an idiot. An idiot who has no idea how he’s going to salvage any of this. I don’t need a plan. I just need to be honest and tell her everything. When I finally catch up to her, it’s only because she had to stop and rest, catch her breath.

She must have been running at full speed because she’s panting and doubled over on the sidewalk.

“Madison, please. Let me explain! It’s not what you think. Actually, I have no fucking idea what you think any of this is, but please, just let me explain.” I’ve reached out and put my hands on her shoulder, trying to get her to look at me and she violently shakes free of my touch.

“How long?” She asks.

“What?”

“How long!” she’s shouting now. “How long have you known who I am? Since the day I got here? Because I just fucking found out today and I have a feeling you’ve known a lot fucking longer, Ender.”

Ender comes out in two distinct syllables, with an extra “d”.End-der.

I hate hearing her say that name like that.

She’s mad. No, she’s pissed. She’s standing there with arms crossed and I can’t help but notice it makes her tits squish together and look double their size. Fuck. I am being a total douche, again. I run my hand over my face, trying to stop being such a horny asshole and answer her.

“You dropped a copy of an email I sent you in my car the day I gave you a ride to campus from the bus station.”

She gasps and covers her mouth with her hand. I know she knows exactly what email it was.

“Why didn’t you tell me you knew?” She asks.

“Because I’m an asshole.” It’s the first thing I can think of to say, but it’s honest. I should have told her from the very beginning. But, I was selfish. I wanted more time with her. I wanted to be in her presence and sneak touches of her soft skin and smell her warm scent. Even if it meant keeping things from her, even if it meant she didn’t know who I was.

“And because I was confused and scared shitless of losing you–again.” I admit. “Look, can we please just go somewhere and talk and I will answer whatever questions you have?”

I’m practically begging her now and wonder if it would actually be more effective if I got down on my knees.

“I think I need more time. I can’t right now.” Her eyes are filling with tears again.

“Okay. Will you email me when you’re ready to talk? Please?”

She nods her head slowly and turns away from me to walk the rest of the way to campus.

I stand here rooted to the same spot for a long time, watching her walk. I am terrified she is heading back to her dorm room to pack up all her shit and get as far away from me as possible.

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