Page 30 of I Hear You

Hearing Emmett be so poignant is a little jarring, and I struggle to find the words to respond to him. He continues before I can piece anything together.

“I want us all to go on a trip together. Somewhere warm but not as humid as here. Somewhere we can get into bars legally and just spend entire days laying on warm sand and drinking beers.”

“Well, there’s always Mexico, but I don’t know how any of us will find the time with football and classes and work.”

He sighs and looks at me.

“We need to find the time, Henderson.”

He never calls me Henderson. Before I can question him, he’s up on his feet and heading back down the ladder. I follow him, wondering what in the hell is going on. I’m a shitty friend. I should be more concerned, but Emmett’s always been in his own world. Maybe the realities of finally being in college are getting to him. Or maybe his parents are making him get a job soon and he just wants to blow off steam before it happens.

On the drive home, he goes back to the Emmett I’m used to. Cracking jokes, talking about football, sharing graphic details of one of the cheerleaders he hooked up with a few weeks ago. It’s as if the water tower and his words of longing for a different life never even happened. It was just a figment of my imagination.

I haven’t had sex in over six months. Not that I’ve had a lot of sex in my life, but I imagine it’s similar to drugs. You want more once you get a taste. You’ll go back to it over and over. I’ve never done drugs, though. I’ve smoked pot a few times, but I don’t think it would qualify me for any bad boy awards. I just sat on the couch in the basement and played video games for hours and demolished an entire pizza. Thrilling shit.

I realize it’s been too long since I’ve had sex because I’m staring at the pie my mom left on the counter and thinking that idiot from the 90s movie maybe wasn’t such an idiot after all. I’ve been sitting at the kitchen counter for an hour trying to get a paper done for my last summer final. It’s due at midnight and I put it off. Now I’m annoyed because it’s taking me longer than usual. I just can’t get myself to be interested in the ins and outs of nutrition. It’s boring.

If I wanted to, I could be having sex. With someone, maybe Jackie, or pretty much any girl who goes after the football team. That’s not my style, though, and there's only one person I want to have sex with. Of course, I can’t because that would be fifty shades of fucked up. Having sex with someone when you’re holding power over them with such a big secret as–we’ve actually been emailing since we were kids and I know this, but you don’t–doesn’t seem like something I’d be very proud of.

Somewhere between thinking salacious thoughts about a pie and thinking about having sex with Madison, my pants got way too tight. I could just go upstairs and take care of it, but I promised Jesse I’d give him a ride to work since it’s a million degrees outside. I read more of my boring as shit textbook and it does the trick to calm me down. I clean up all my school stuff and leave to go pick up Jesse.

I haven’t heard from Emmett since our adventure of climbing the water tower a few nights ago. I’m tempted to ask Jesse if he’s noticed anything different about him, but think better of it and keep my mouth shut. I’ve been waiting outside Jesse’s apartment for almost fifteen minutes. I’ve texted him twice and called once, no response and no answer. I’m just about to leave when I see him and Taylor rushing down the stairs from his upstairs unit. Taylor’s hair is a mess, and Jesse is buttoning the last buttons on his shirt. He pulls open the front door of the car and asks if I can drop Taylor off at her parents’ house.

“Sure, but she might want to look in a mirror before I do,” I tell him with a laugh.

He’s got a proud grin on his face, but moves out of the way to let Taylor sit in the front seat. She slides in and buckles her seatbelt before pulling down the visor mirror to get to work fixing her hair.

“Thanks for the ride, man. It’s hotter than a monkey’s ass outside today and I was not looking forward to walking to work.”

I shake my head at his analogy.

“So, Henry,” Taylor starts, “are you going to Caleb’s party tomorrow tonight?”

I groan. Caleb has been talking about this damn party for weeks. Caleb is a decent football player and wouldn’t be so much of a douche if he didn’t try so damn hard to get everyone to love him—his inability to be a team player and his need to be a show off aside. He’s already got half the team up his ass because he flaunts Daddy’s money. There’s nothing a bunch of college kids love more than free booze and a rich kid who supplies it, so of course he’s throwing a rager while his parents are out of town.

I ended up chewing his ass out on the field the other day because I was so sick of hearing about it. The guy acts as if he’s a freshman in high school, not college.

“Yeah, what else am I gonna do? I’m turning in my last final today and don’t have any new assignments yet.”

I can think of a million things I would rather do than go to the party, but Quarterback Henry won’t admit any of them. Play the part, keep up the facade, go to the shitty party.

I drop off Jesse and head to the other side of town to drop off Taylor. Taylor’s parents live in one of the newer subdivisions, one of the few the town has allowed in decades. Her dad’s retired from the military and her mom is a retired school teacher. Taylor mentioned they’ve been thinking about selling their house and traveling. I know Taylor loves her family, but I also know she feels she barely knows her dad, because he was always gone too much over-seas while she was growing up. It makes sense she moved out of the house and into the dorms. I also know her dad did not approve of her being in such a committed relationship with Jesse for so long, even though her mom absolutely adores Jesse.

“Henry, are you going to at least try to have fun at this party? You’ve been in a sour mood for months and I can’t even imagine what you’ve been dealing with the past year, but–I just want to see you happy.”

Taylor is always looking out for everyone else, always worried about her friends. It makes her a great friend but also sometimes an annoying one. I push my annoyance aside and remind myself she means well.

“I promise to try,” I say, trying to meet her halfway.

“That’s all I ask.”

Taylor leans back in her seat with a smug smile on her face, satisfied by my answer. I’m sure she feels like she’s won, but I’m still not even a little excited about this party.

Chapter fifteen

Madison

Iworkmostweekends,but Joy gave me tomorrow off. I just have to make it through today's Saturday morning rush. My plan is to spend the afternoon getting all my laundry done. Then I’ll have all day Sunday to do whatever I want. Napping and exploring the library are boldly on my to-do list. I haven’t been able to find much time to write just for myself either. Sure, I’ve done a ton of writing for some of my classes, but it’s not the same as just writing what I want and writing for the pure joy of it. I turned in all my finals for my summer classes at the beginning of the week. Now I have the next few weeks to plan for fall quarter and the influx of students when the school year officially starts.

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