Page 49 of I Hear You

I can’t let myself believe she doesn’t have feelings for me, that she hasn’t had feelings for me this whole time, even if those feelings got muddled together. The parts of her feelings for Ender being ripped into by her feelings for Henry. If I let myself believe she doesn’t care about me, my heart will break into a million pieces, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to cobble those pieces back together.

A horn honks on the street. I don’t even turn to see where it comes from. I’m standing completely still and feeling completely numb.

The horn honks again.

Mom and Emmett have pulled up, Mom giving me a sympathetic smile. I jump in the back of the car and sink down into the seat.

“Wanna talk about it?” Mom asks.

“No.”

I’ve been laying on my bed, torturing myself by reading over old email conversations between me and Madison since I got home. Mom tried one more time on the ride home to get me to talk about what happened. Emmett did me a solid and helped change the subject.

I’m scrolling through the emails on my phone and picking ones at random. I just read a conversation which spanned two weeks where we argued about which was better on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich; smooth or chunky peanut butter. I argued for smooth and she argued for chunky. I don’t even care for peanut butter. I just liked the banter when we had these little debates. They always started and ended the same way. One of us would email on a random afternoon something along the lines of “smooth peanut butter has no place in this world” and the debate would ensue. It always ended with me conceding. I relished in making her happy, even if it meant telling a little white lie and letting her think I agreed with her when she argued Thor was the best Marvel super hero when clearly its Captain America.

I know I’m throwing myself a pity party by holing up in my room, reading these emails rather than trying to talk to her and deal with the mess I created. I tell myself I’m giving her space to process everything and I’ll come up with a plan tomorrow. I suck at making plans though, clearly. Even if I come up with a plan, I’m sure I would just go rogue and do whatever stupid thing came to mind first.

I could always call Taylor and ask for her advice. Maybe she’d let me into their dorm room and I can fill it with hundreds of roses. No, that’s stupid. Madison’s not the type who can be won over with cheesy gestures. We had more than one conversation about how we got second hand embarrassment when we saw things like prom-posals or public actualmarriageproposals.

Madison had stopped replying to my emails by the time I went to winter formal with Jackie, so she doesn’t know about the cheesy and pathetic way I got roped into asking her. I was class president and nominated for formal king, and even though Dad was out of the picture by this point, I still succumbed to the pressure of doing what was expected of me.

Taylor’s ears must have been ringing because her name flashes on my phone screen with a new text. Maybe she heard what happened and is coming to me with a great idea on how to fix this. I click the text message to open it, nope not a way to fix this, but it is a problem I’m gonna fix.

Chapter twenty-three

Madison

Islamthedoorto the dorm room when I get inside and start pacing around the small space. My eyes are welling with unshed tears and I look to the ceiling to try to keep them from creating a puddle on our floor.

“What’s wrong?” Taylor says, jumping up and coming to me, grabbing onto my arms to stop me from pacing.

I keep staring at the ceiling, trying to gather my thoughts and wondering if I’ll be able to tell her without sobbing. I take a deep breath and recount everything. I tell her about Ender first, so it makes even an ounce of sense when I tell her Henryis Ender.I confess how I accidentally emailed him at the party and how he had the audacity to respond to the email, even with everything he knew. Everything he knew, I didn’t know. I lose my battle with my tears halfway through the soap opera sounding tale.

At some point, we ended up sitting on the floor across from each other, legs crossed like you did when you were little and it was story time in preschool. Taylor nods at all the right parts and hugs me occasionally. She gets mad with me and is overall sympathetic to my current mess of a situation. I’ve almost finished telling her everything when my phone starts ringing. I look at it and seeMomflashing on the screen. I hit ignore. She is the last person I want to deal with right now, especially after the texts she sent last night.

I continue telling Taylor all the wild, heartbreaking, and unbelievable details of everything I know. My phone rings again, Mom again. I hit ignore. I finish telling her everything and she just hugs me for a long time. Letting me cry onto her shoulder. My phone ringsagainand I answer without even looking at the screen.

“What?!” I yell into the phone.

“Uh, is this Madison?”

I look at the screen and see it’s my mom calling, except it’s a man’s voice on the phone.

“Yes, who is this? Where’s my mom?”

“This is Gary, your mom’s boyfriend. Your mom is in the hospital. She says she needs you to come down here right away.”

“What?! What do you mean, Mom's in the hospital? I’m across the country at school? What’s wrong with her?”

“Your mom just said to call you and tell you to come. I gotta go, sorry.”

The line goes silent.

What. The. Hell.

“Madison, is your mom okay?” Taylor asks, concern splashed across her face.

“I don’t know. I guess the guy who called was her boyfriend. She’s in the hospital, but he wouldn’t tell me why or if she’s even okay. I have to get there, but dammit, it’s going to take all of my savings just to get a last-minute plane ticket out to California.”

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