Page 33 of I Hear You

Jesse speaks up first.

“Jackie doesn’t count because she’s been in love with Henry forever and he basically pity-dated her when he was in a shit place in his own life.”

“Jesse. Don’t,” Emmett chimes in, looking back and giving him a death stare. Emmett grips the steering wheel tighter again and focuses back on the road.

“Jackie means well,” Taylor adds “And seriously, she’s been a good friend to all of us at one point or another but she’s that friend that you keep at arm's length because, well, Jackie will always put herself first, ya know.”

The car starts slowing down and we pull onto a gravel road as the conversation dies out. I want to ask a million questions, but I keep quiet. Up ahead are dozens of cars parked in the dirt off to the side of a huge house. It’s not a new house, but it’s a nice two story with a big wrap around front porch. It’s painted a pale yellow with blue trim. There aren’t a lot of new houses in Easton, I’ve discovered. You can tell who has money by how much land they have. It seems this guy's parents have a lot.

Emmett puts the car in park and we all start getting out. I’m suddenly very grateful to be wearing the combat boots Taylor lent me because the gravel is more dirt than anything else.

There are people hanging out on the front porch smoking cigarettes and drinking from red cups. The front doors are wide open and you can hear the loud music coming from inside. I can see a bonfire is raging around the back side of the house even from where I’m at out front. Indiscernible laughter and chatter comes from every direction. Butterflies swarm in my stomach. I pull at the hem of the dress I’m wearing, trying to cover up a little more. When I come around the car, Taylor loops her arm through mine.

“Come on, let’s go find some drinks,” she tells me and pulls me toward the house, Emmett and Jesse trailing behind us, whispering to each other.

I feel like the conversation in the car was taking a turn it wasn’t supposed to. I don’t know what the problem was, me asking about Henry or me asking about Jackie. And right now, I’m not sure I want to know. Right now I want to find a drink and forget about the stupid texts I got on the way here.

Chapter sixteen

Henderson

Igottotheparty before Emmett, Jesse, and Taylor. I should have just gone back to my car to wait for them when I realized they weren’t here yet. But Jackie saw me and now I’ve been stuck in a corner of the kitchen while she tells me every excruciating detail about the summer internship she has. Before I stopped paying full attention to her, I learned that it’s a few towns over for some indie fashion designer and although she’s making it sound as if it’s some super important role, if I had to guess, she spends most of her time getting her boss coffee.

Jackie takes a step closer every few minutes. I’m practically sitting on the kitchen counter at this point to avoid her pressing up against me. She smells like cheap beer and artificial coconut perfume. It’s not the warm and inviting scent that Madison seems to always have. Suddenly she sounds like one of the adults on Peanuts and is touching my arm every five seconds. I nod when I think it’s appropriate; mostly because I feel bad for using her last year. I didn’t realize I was using her at first and when I did; I broke things off. I was in such a shit place last fall. I thought she’d be a good distraction from the reality of my life falling apart. With the help of my therapist and some hindsight, I realized I’d never even had a meaningful conversation with her. I knew I needed to break her heart.

For whatever reason, that hasn’t stopped her from still flirting with me. Or trying to make me jealous by hanging on to any other guy whenever I’m around. Which is why I’m surprised she’s even talking to me right now since this party is at Caleb’s house and I thought he was her latest infatuation. I almost consider asking her why she isn’t off with him, but I don’t want her mistaking my question for jealousy.

I’m just about to lie and say I need to take a piss when I spot Emmett walking through the kitchen. He doesn’t even see me and heads straight to the backyard. He’s clearly on a mission to find someone. Some blonde with long legs is my guess.

“Jackie, I need to talk to Emmett, but I’ll catch up with you later, okay?”

I gently put my hands on her arms to release myself from the corner she has me trapped in. Before I can get around her, Jesse and Taylor make their way into the kitchen, followed by Madison. Why didn’t any of them mention she was coming?

I’m frozen in my spot. Taylor is giving me the evil eye, and Madison's expression isn’t much better. She’s definitely pissed about the way I completely abandoned her in the library. That’s when I realize Jackie’s hands are on my chest, and this looks like something it’s not because my hands are still on her arms. I yank my hands down to my sides as if her arms are made of hot coals and move away from Jackie so her hands fall off my chest. But I don’t do it fast enough. Madison’s eyes lock with mine. Those big, beautiful golden eyes. Just as quickly as our eyes meet, Madison looks down at her feet. Then around the kitchen. Anywhere but at me.

I’m stuck where I am, not sure if I should walk toward them. Not sure what I’ll say to Madison when I reach her. The decision’s made for me when Taylor grabs Madison by the hand and pulls her toward the back yard. Shit. Why do I feel like I just fucked everything up? Again. Things were fucked up in the library, or maybe even before that. I move to follow them, but Jackie decides she’s taking her attempts to get back with me up a notch and circles her arms around my waist. Jesse comes up next to us with a disappointed look on his face.

Taylor and Jesse have never been quiet about how they feel about me dating Jackie. We’ve all known Jackie for years and it’s not that she’s a bad person, she's just not always a genuine person. She can be shallow and vain and she can be a bully. She’s also had her moments of being a good friend. When I broke up with her, she didn’t make a big scene. She seemed to understand, even if she has delusions we can get back together.

“Hey man. Uh, what’s going on?” Jesse asks, looking between me and Jackie.

Jackie takes it upon herself to speak first.

“Hey Jesse. Who's the new friend I saw Taylor with?”

She doesn’t even try to hide her annoyance. Her words are laced with the kind of impending problem we’ve all come to know from Jackie. Jackie definitely noticed Madison and definitely noticed my reaction to her being here. Great, the last thing I need is her taking it upon herself to give Madison a hard time. I’m overcome with an urge to run to Madison and confess everything. Tell her it’s me, Ender. Tell her I’m sorry for what I said in my email, sorry for running out on her in the library and just begging her to let things go back to the way they were. Begging her to go back to being my best friend. I just want to go back to being Ender and Mads.

I push the urge away. I know it’s not fair to her to do that here, in this way. Plus, a huge part of me is still so worried that she’ll bolt. That she’ll run back to her dorm room and pack up her belongings in that beat up black suitcase and jump on the next bus out of here. So I’ll take the route that might make me even more of an asshole and continue to try to be her friend as Henry. Maybe in time, I can tell her the truth without it blowing up in my face. But first, I’ve got to get away from Jackie.

“Is that Madison I saw with Taylor?” I ask Jesse, trying to sound nonchalant as I extract myself from Jackie’s grip.

I don’t want to give Jesse a chance to respond to Jackie’s question. Jackie pouts but releases me. She does not, however, take the hint and remains standing right next to me.

“Yeah, she’s Taylor’s roommate. Isn’t that wild? Small towns man,” he says “I’ve known for weeks–”

“I uh–ran into her a few weeks ago and she told me, but wait–you’ve known all summer that Madison and your girlfriend were living together–and you didn’t think to mention it?”

“I thought you didn’t want to get involved with anyone?” Jesse says, squinting his eyes at me. “Plus, aren’t you seeing someone?”

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