Page 71 of Master of Lies

“Leaving you the only one still alive,” I said.

“Except for Boer. He must have switched out his DNA in the database, so the charred body was identified as his. You met Boer. You know he’s real.”

“No, Jed,” I told him. “I met a scary, murdering asshole in a mask who hates your guts. He didn’t introduce himself.”

“Fine. So it’s my word against his.” Jed’s voice sounded exhausted. “The difference between us is, he tried to kill you, and I tried to save you. I can’t prove anything. But I won’t stop hunting him until I make him tell me where Shane is.”

He sounded so real, so sincere. But just like always, I wanted this too much to let myself give in to it. He could make a fool of me so easily.

“I don’t get it,” I said. “I just don’t understand. You cuffed me to a bed. How can you call yourself one of the good guys?”

“I don’t call myself anything. I try to do the right thing, but I fuck up all the time. I’ve let down everyone I care about. I let that piece of shit Boer take Shane, I let him kill Franco and Bill and the others. I let him set me up like that and shove me off that bridge. It’s a fluke, that I didn’t die then. Things might have been simpler if I had.”

“Don’t you dare feel sorry for yourself, Clearwater,” I warned. “You don’t have that luxury.”

“I got Mickey killed,” he said, his voice bleak. “I got everyone killed, Freya. And then, surprise, here comes Sandee, the mystery babe, mincing around in those high-heeled boots, tits bouncing, painting a huge target on herself. I find out you’re Freya Masters, and I’m like, far-fucking-out. I thought I’d hit rock bottom, but no. There’s so much more damage I can do. So much further down I can go. I could get you killed, too. So I panicked, and tried to pin you down, so I would at least know where you were. It was stupid, yes. But hey, I never claimed to be a genius.”

“Oh, shut up,” I snapped. “I’m sick of it.”

“Sick of what?”

“Your ‘I’m just a dumb meathead foot soldier,’ bullshit. Give it up, okay? I don’t want to hear it anymore.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” he said wryly. “My track record doesn’t show any great trail of brilliance, Frey. So this last stunt with the handcuffs wasn’t enough to convince you? You shouldn’t be here with me in this shitty, insecure hotel room. You should be in Ethan’s luxury bunker with Holly, guarded by his top-shelf private army of security staff. Where you’d be safe, goddamnit!”

“Yeah,” I said sourly. “Living the dream. Locked in a bank vault. Yay, me.”

“Don’t you dare feel sorry for yourself,” he said. “You don’t have that luxury.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Don’t throw my words back in my face, wise-ass.”

“Why not, if they fit? Come on, Frey. Don’t be a baby. This is an emergency.”

“It’s been in an emergency all my life,” I said. “At some point, I just have to pretend it’s not, and get the hell on with it.”

“I’d feel like shit if you got hurt. I’d do anything to keep you safe. Even if it kills me. Even if it makes you hate me. I’ll pay that price if I have to.”

“Don’t you dare try to spin this into noble heroics,” I snapped. “That’s just self-righteous and annoying.”

“I am in no condition to spin anything,” he said wearily. “It’s just the dumb, stupid, embarrassing truth. I’ve spent months in prison, and I have fuck-all to show for it. All I accomplished was another person that I genuinely cared about killed. So you made a fool out of me and a whore out of yourself, for nothing.”

Normally, that would have enraged me, but in this weird crucible of truth-telling, I couldn’t be bothered getting uptight about it. “I wasn’t whoring myself,” I said.

He rolled his head around and tilted his eyebrow. “How do you rationalize that?” he asked. “I’m really stoned, Frey, so keep it simple. Use small words.”

“Stop playing dumb,” I said sharply. “That’s a shitty habit.”

“Coming from Sandee? What’s sauce for the gander is sauce for the goose, babe. Don’t get your back up about it. I don’t judge you for trying to fuck intel out of me. I might have done the same, in your shoes, if I thought it would help. I’m just sorry for your sake that there wasn’t anything in there to glean.”

“I wanted you anyway,” I blurted. “I’ve always wanted you. For years.”

Jed’s mouth fell open. He closed it after a moment, blinking. “Huh?”

“I’m sorry to make this weird for you, but it’s the truth.”

“But I haven’t even seen you since you were a child,” he protested. “I didn’t even recognize you when I saw you as an adult.”

“Adolescent, not child,” I corrected. “Last time I saw you, I was fourteen. More than old enough to have naughty thoughts about the hottest guy I’d ever seen. I had a raging crush on you. I know I had frizzy hair and zits and a mouth full of metal, but my hormones were doing what they do, Jed. I know it sounds kinky, but it’s the truth. Since we’re doing truth tonight.”

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