Page 42 of Healing Warriors

Carlie knew me too well and knew I was about to talk about her marriage.

“Stop blaming yourself for that,” Carlie interrupted.“Imarried Chuck. I stayed even though I knew what he was capable of. My fault, not yours.”

“I should have been here,” I said, turning to my sister. I wasn’t used to looking up to her, but she took full advantage of the stool to gaze at me sternly.

“And I should have been stronger, smarter, so many things. But I forgave myself for all of that. I’m trying to do better now. Can you try to do the same?” Carlie asked. She gave me a hopeful, searching look.

I nodded slowly. I couldn’t say no to that face. So I would try. For her. And I would stop making this about me again.

“Going out with Jax is a big step,” I said with a smile. Carlie had been out with a few guys since the demise of her marriage, but none she seemed to like so much.

“He’s amazing,” Carlie said shyly, and then bit her lip. She’d spent as much time with Jax as I had with Damon. Mom had spent the entire night preening over her success.

“He already knew a little about Chuck. I told him some more. It was crazy how easy it was to talk to him. So many of our values align. It was kind of freaky, you know?” Carlie asked.

I did know. It had been the same way with Damon. There were moments I’d forgotten all about his looks and just saw this man. A man who was genuine and honest.

I spent all of my work life pulling out the truth when others were trying to hide it. But Damon wasn’t keeping anything back, trying to hide away any part of himself. And I didn’t know what to do with that.

“Mom will never let us live this down,” I groaned.

“They’re kind of worth it though, aren’t they?” Carlie smiled as she finger combed my curls and climbed down from the stool.

Carlie was right.

“But then again, anyone can put on an act for a night.” I had to play devil’s advocate.

“Did it feel like an act?” Carlie asked. She leaned against the bathroom wall behind us as she scrutinized my reflection, checking her handiwork. She didn’t seem concerned with her question. And it surprised me. One of the hardest things for her after Chuck was trusting what she saw. But that didn’t seem to be an issue for her with Jax.

“No,” I said finally, shaking my head. It hadn’t. And I had to admit, for all of my faults, I was a pretty good judge of character. I liked to think that if I hadn’t been so busy with my career and I’d had some real time with Chuck before he’d married Carlie, things would have been different.

“It didn’t feel like it to me, either. I’m learning to listen to my gut. With Chuck, it was screaming at me and I chose to ignore it. Not that it makes anything Chuck did to me my fault, but therapy has taught me I didn’t need to trust myself more. I needed to learn to listen. So I’m trying to listen. And this time? My gut is telling me to jump in.”

My breath caught. Jump in? It felt so reckless. For a person as regimented as I was, it sounded nearly impossible.

“What are you going to do, Sis?” Carlie asked.

She pushed off of the wall and went into my bedroom, knowing I’d need time to think on that one. I stared at my reflection, my eyes falling to my stomach. What was that gut of mine trying to tell me? Was I repressing it?

Never in work. I relied on it to keep me and my teammates safe. But in my personal life . . . oh yeah.

And that didn’t make sense. If I trusted it so much in one area of my life, shouldn’t I trust it here as well?

But I knew why I wanted to ignore it. It was urging me—no, compelling me—to give Damon a chance. A real chance.

Carlie came back into the bathroom, holding up a gorgeous burnt orange dress. It was the perfect shade for my skin tone. It buttoned up the front and had a thin tie around the waist. The sleeves were fluttery while the bodice was a bit fitted. It would do wonders for my curves. Although . . . I glanced down at the hemline. It might be a bit short. On Carlie it probably fell just to her knees and it would be quite a bit shorter than that on me.

“This dress is calling your name. Go out, let go, have fun. Maybe Damon will break your heart. But don’t you kind of want to find out?” Carlie asked.

She knew exactly how I felt. We’d both sheltered ourselves for far too long, guarding our hearts from pain but also from joy. I did kind of want to find out. I especially wanted to find out if Damon wouldn’t break my heart.

I tugged the dress away from my sister.

“You win,” I said as I began changing.

“Pretty sure you’re the one winning here,” Carlie replied with a smirk.

She wasn’t wrong.

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