Page 106 of My Heart Will Find You

She seemed to be floating, her arms and legs spread out like a weightless astronaut. Her eyes were on Henry. He was holding the beautiful war bonnet and saying over and over, “Alone. Not alone. Alone.” She didn’t understand what he was trying to tell her.

He held out his hand to her, wanting her to take it.

She shook her head no. If she touched him, he might pull her back with him. “Max,” she said. “I want to stay with Max. Forever.”

Henry was reaching out and trying to get her to take his hand.

Etta flailed her arms to get away from him. “Go away! I want Max.”

“Please,” Henry said. “Not alone.”

“No!” she shouted, and kicked out so hard she sent her body tumbling away.

“Etta! Wake up.”

She opened her eyes, afraid of what she’d see. But it was Alice. She was still in the past. Safe.

“You were shouting.”

Etta tried to sit up, but she fell back onto the bed. “The men,” she whispered. “Max.”

“They’re all fine. They’re here. No warriors showed up. There was no battle. Absolutely nothing happened. Everyone is laughing at Max about it all.”

Etta could only blink at her.

“Come on and get up. It’s morning. You’ve slept for hours.”

She looked at Max’s side of the bed and it was indented. He’d slept there but he hadn’t waked her. But why would he? Because of her, he was being laughed at.

Etta raised up on her arms. “Yes, I’ll get up.” She put her hand to her forehead. “What was in that tea you made?”

Alice got to the door in two quick steps. “You needed to relax,” she said defensively. “I’ll see you downstairs.” She scurried out of the room.

Etta took her time dressing as her mind was so full it might explode. What was most vivid was her dream of Henry trying to pull her back. She didn’t want to leave. She didn’t want to return to what she now saw as her empty, lonely life.

She dawdled as much as she could. She didn’t want to face anyone. Would Max be angry at her? She had humiliated him in front of the whole town. Everyone knew it was Max’s mail order wife who’d sent him off to a war that didn’t happen. Of course they’d ridicule him.

In last night’s dream, was Henry’s appearance her way out? So she wouldn’t have to face Max’s anger? Wouldn’t have to endure the whole town’s sneers?

When she was dressed, Etta sat down. She needed to think about where to go from here.

She’d thought that this time she was sent back to stop the massacre. That was over and done with, but she was still here. So that wasn’t the reason for this trip into the past. That meant there was something else to happen, some trigger that would send her away. After releasing Wyatt Earp, she’d been sent back immediately.

She stood up and began to pace.What else is there?Martha and Henry needed to be introduced to each other. But why? Max said they’d never get along. As for the woman who might be the reincarnation of her mother, Etta thought it would be better not to meet her. If she was forced to return, she didn’t want to relive the grief of losing her mother. As for Tobias, he seemed happy enough just being away from preaching.

As she’d gone through Henry’s books, Etta thought that maybe her job was to make sure Henry the Painter’s work was remembered. She hated that there was no modern record of all he’d done. To last forever, he’d have to be published, and she’d thought about encouraging him to do that.

What if I don’t do any of those things?she thought.If I quit ordering everyone about, I won’t make any of those things happen.

“And if I don’t do them, maybe I’ll stay here,” she said. That meant she’d have Max and Alice, Pat and Nellie, and—She took a breath. And maybe a baby or two.

She imagined a life of home and family, and she liked it very much.

I just have to avoid certain things,she thought. If she realized someone was missing, she wouldn’t try to find him or her. The twenty-first century would just have to do without that person. The best thing to do was to just plain mind her own business.

“I’ve done enough,” she said. “Now all I have to do is avoid the pitfalls of seeing too much. Of comparing now to then. Most of all, I have to conquer my own nature of trying to fix everyone and everything.”

The thoughts made her smile.Stay calm, she told herself.Keep your nose out of trouble and you won’t be taken away.

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